32-year-old husband forced to act as unofficial executor for recently passed father-in-law even though his wife is left nothing, mother-in-law demands 27-year-old brother-in-law gets it all: ‘[He's] not the brightest…’

Author image for Elna McHilderson
Elna McHilderson • Managing Editor
Nov 8, 2025 3:00 PM EST

With marriage comes big financial discussions and drama. This married couple are at a halt on what to do with the inheritance that her father left her brother and mother. That's right, he left nothing for her. And yet, it is her husband who is figuring everything out for her family. Her mother now wants to give her entire share to the brother as well. However, the problem here is that this brother is younger and very irresponsible. If that money goes to him, who knows what will happen to it!

 

The husband is suggesting that the mother open a high yielding savings joint savings account with her daughter. That way everyone wins and the money can grow and even help with a retirement place for his mother-in-law. This is causing much drama, however, and the family feels like everything is too much about money and not about family. However, this husband thinks it is quite the opposite… What would you do?

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  • 32-year-old husband forced to act as unofficial executor for recently passed father-in-law even though his wife is left nothing, mother-in-law demands 27-year-old brother-in-law gets it all: ‘[He's] not the brightest…’
    via Unsplash+ (and Getty Images)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Me 32 Wife 30 Brother/brother in law 27 MiL late 50s My FIL recently passed and left a very sizable life insurance policy to his son and wife (MiL), my wife received nothing.
    via Old-Memory1603
  • We understood this because her brother(27) is not the brightest and still lives at home, he never goes out and only goes to work, and back home to play video games all day.
    via Old-Memory1603
  • They both recently moved into our home as they were too distraught to continue living in the home my FiL passed in.
    via Old-Memory1603
  • My FIL was truly the only adult in the home and was responsible for taking care of everything.
    via Old-Memory1603
  • He even drove my MiL to and from work on a daily basis, a responsibility that has now been passed onto my wife.
    via Old-Memory1603
  • I have since taken over the estate planning, such as paying bills, swapping over polices, etc.
    via Old-Memory1603
  • My MiL doesn't speak English and doesn't drive, so as family it was my pleasure to take on this responsibility.
    via Old-Memory1603
  • After a month and a half I finally settled all the bills/funeral planning/etc and all the heavy lifting a complete.
    via Old-Memory1603
  • I do not say it lightly, but without me, the family would be lost on what to do.
    via Old-Memory1603
  • For example, they did not even know where he worked, and were surprised to find out he even had a life insurance policy.
    via Old-Memory1603
  • Both do not have any retirement plans or savings. I suggested a shared bank account for my wife and her mom to put the payout into, where it will accrue interest but also to pay off bills every month(mil had no bank account before).
    via Old-Memory1603
  • It was at this point MiL says she would rather not have her daughter on the account and wants to give her portion of the payout to her son and have him set up with a savings account.
    via Old-Memory1603
  • 32-year-old husband forced to act as unofficial executor for recently passed father-in-law even though his wife is left nothing, mother-in-law demands 27-year-old brother-in-law gets it all: ‘[He's] not the brightest…’
    via Unsplash+ (and Getty Images)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Listen, we're no financial specialists over here, we have no idea what the right move is. However, we like to believe that marriage is for love and love includes a husband who is thinking the best for his wife's family. 

  • She says this because since me and my wife have a home, that it would be better used on her brother.
    via Old-Memory1603
  • We do have a home, but we are by no means rich, in fact, them moving in would help us out financially as there would be extra income from them paying rent.
    via Old-Memory1603
  • I expressed to my wife that leaving everything to him would be incredibly irresponsible because then he will be left the family home and the payout, but mainly because he cannot do anything for himself and can not be trusted with the money.
    via Old-Memory1603
  • I say this because of things I have learned about him, he does not have a drivers license but drives a car to and from work, never helped with the estate, and something I learned was that he has a large amount of cash in his checking account.
    via Old-Memory1603
  • He has never had a girlfriend and since the known him has shown no signs of ever wanting to move out.
    via Old-Memory1603
  • The large bank balance worried me because when I asked him about this, he told me he just had no idea what to do with it and has no concept of retirement planning, since his parents took care of all the bills, and all he did was pay some of the mortgage, go to work, and then go home to play video games.
    via Old-Memory1603
  • My wife was also there when her mom had breast cancer and took her to and from every single appointment, to the point of using all her vacation/sick days to help during this time.
    via Old-Memory1603
  • Her brother is not a bad guy, in fact he is a great friend. But he just doesn't ever seem like he will grow up to be a responsible person.
    via Old-Memory1603
  • I told my wife that after agreeing to take them in and have them live with us, that it would be a slap in the face to be left nothing, so I told her that her mother and brother should move back to their home, and use the money from the payout to help them live with the absence of my FIL.
    via Old-Memory1603
  • She was then furious with me and said all I care about is money, even though I feel that this is not so much about money, but that there is a complete lack of respect with being shown nothing for all the help we have and will be giving.
    via Old-Memory1603
  • 32-year-old husband forced to act as unofficial executor for recently passed father-in-law even though his wife is left nothing, mother-in-law demands 27-year-old brother-in-law gets it all: ‘[He's] not the brightest…’
    via Unsplash+ (and Vitaly Gariev)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • So Reddit, AITAH? Edit: I would like to add that their plan for their family home would be to rent it out, they purchased it before interested rates went up a few years back and would be set to make 1k cash profit every month from it.
    via Old-Memory1603
  • 2nd edit: a lot of people are asking so I'll clear it up. We didn't even know about any life insurance policy when we took them in, it was only after very extensive digging through his records that I found out there was such a policy.
    via Old-Memory1603
  • 3rd edit: I'd like to add that my wife thinks this isn't the ri thr move to leave them to fend for themselves because her brother and mom are not able to communicate effectively if needed.
    via Old-Memory1603
  • She only speaks Spanish and he only speaks English, but does understand Spanish and can say simple words like yes or no in Spanish.
    via Old-Memory1603
  • So he would be unable to have in depth conversations about any planning. That is where I have been serving as a bridge, albeit without any input from the brother as he has not been involved with any planning as it doesn't seem too important to him.
    via Old-Memory1603
  • 4th edit: my mil and bil did plan on paying rent, me and the wife had spoken early on and decided it would be best to let them have a couple months of not paying rent here, mainly because they would still be paying their mortgage on their home, and paying rent for staying with us would be a great financial burden.
    via Old-Memory1603
  • This was before any mention of life insurance payout, and even with the payout was still something I honored.
    via Old-Memory1603
  • As it would likely take a couple months to rent their home out. I would also like to add, if you are hung up on believing that they can't communicate, THEY CAN.
    via Old-Memory1603
  • She speaks her mind to him and he listens, he nods and replies back to her in short phrases.
    via Old-Memory1603
  • But he is unable to fully communicate effectively with her. It seems his sister was always the mouthpiece for him as well growing up.
    via Old-Memory1603
  • Can he have an undiagnosed learning disability? Highly likely, but I do not fault him for not knowing Spanish.
    via Old-Memory1603

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family drama inheritance daughter in law marriage family budgeting executor finance wife budgeting relationships husband advice financial decisions father in law mother in law family brother in law
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