'[She's] refusing the team’s bonding tradition': 28-year-old marketing employee, struggling with personal finances, skips her office's Secret Santa exchange to save money, facing judgment from coworkers who are calling her the "grinch"

Author image for Emma Saven
Emma Saven
Nov 12, 2025 9:00 AM EST

Listen, there's nothing I love more than a little team bonding at work, but maybe that's because I'm fortunate enough to work with some pretty cool people…Or in this case, because HR is the one paying for it…That's what makes Secret Santa a bit more tricky…Not everyone has the financial freedom to throw around an extra $50-$100 on an office acquaintance for a secret Santa gift, especially as it's gotten silently more competitive over the years. However, the moment anyone opts out of participating, they are labelled cheap…or more specifically, the Grinch who stole the office Xmas spirit! 

This employee decided that due to financial strains and a wish to save more, she would not be participating in this year's Secret Santa…Although when her manager and coworker saw her name missing from the sign-up sheet, they had A LOT to say about it…and just a hint, it wasn't very festive of them! Just because she wasn't able to contribute financially doesn't mean she wants to be isolated from the team, regardless of the rumors. She even brought in cookies for her coworkers…who ended up taking it as more of a dig than a sweet peace offering.

One small choice, and she's forever labelled the Office Grinch? Perhaps it's important to understand the reasoning behind someone's hesitance to partake, rather than immediately judge them as "stingy!"

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  • This employee simply did not want to pretend to support something she didn't believe enough, but now she's receiving shoulders so cold they'd threaten the Christmas snow… We're starting to think that the one thing that may be worse than the Grinch is an infuriated coworker: they're a lot more damaging! Now this coworker is starting to rethink her decision…she didn't want to come across as antisocial, however, she wanted to remain true to herself… 

  • Coworkers exchanging Secret Santa gifts
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    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • AITJ for refusing to participate in Secret Santa at work?

    I (28F) work in a small marketing office with around a dozen people. Every year, they do this "fun" Secret Santa exchange where everyone draws a name and buys a gift between $25-$50.
    via FuzzyActress
  • It's supposed to be lighthearted, but honestly, it's become kind of competitive people go all out with expensive gifts, custom stuff, or inside jokes.
    via FuzzyActress
  • The thing is, I'm not super close with most of my coworkers. I get along fine with everyone, but I keep my work life and personal life separate.
    via FuzzyActress
  • I also just don't love the idea of being forced into spending money on something I don't really enjoy.
    via FuzzyActress
  • This year, money's been tight for me rent went up, my car needed repairs, and I'm trying to save for a trip to see my family.
    via FuzzyActress
  • So when the signup sheet went around, I just didn't put my name down. Apparently, that was the wrong move.
    via FuzzyActress
  • Coworkers working together
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    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • My manager who isn't technically part of HR but acts like she runs the place came by my desk and asked why I wasn't "getting into the holiday spirit." I told her honestly that I'd rather not participate this year because of personal financial reasons and because I don't really like gift exchanges.
    via FuzzyActress
  • She said, "It's only $25, don't be such a Scrooge." Then a few coworkers started joking about me being "the office Grinch." I laughed it off, but it got old fast one even said, Guess we know who won't be getting any cookies from Santa this year." When the actual gift exchange day came, I brought some homemade cookies to share with everyone (trying to still be friendly and one coworker snarkily said Oh, so you can afford to participate." Now a few people are clearly giving me the cold shoulder, a
    via FuzzyActress
  • But now I'm wondering if I came off as rude or antisocial. So AITJ for refusing to participate in Secret Santa at work?
    via FuzzyActress
  • Sienna Bloom51 Nah, NTA at all. This SS thing should be completely voluntary, not an office obligation. It's ur hard-earned cash, and if you wanna save it for other important things, that's ur right. Jokes about being a grinch or Scrooge are seriously uncool, esp when they don't know ur financial sitch. And tbh, you bringing in cookies already shows that you're willing to participate in some holiday cheer. They shoulda respected ur decision and moved on - office harmony or not. The nickname call
    via SiennaBloom51
  • OP FuzzyActress Exactly! I ordered that for myself, and it's not my responsibility to anticipate anyone else's cravings. If someone wants food, they can ask or order their own. I shouldn't have to bend over backwards because someone else can't make a decision.
    via FuzzyActress
  • CinnamonSin_ner Setting financial boundaries is completely reasonable. Your effort with the cookies demonstrates goodwill without compromising your personal situation. Your effort is enough, it's just them that can't be contented.
    via CinnamonSin_ner
  • Upset woman working during Christmas.
    via gettysignature

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Accomplished-Emu-591 NTJ. I have worked in a few offices where such things were unofficially mandatory. None ever came to a good end. You had perfectly good reasons for not participating, and HR should have supported your decision.
    via Accomplished-Emu-591
  • KneadyAndGreedy NTA at all. U do u, mate. Srsly, ppl should respect personal boundaries rather than dragging u into stuff u don't enjoy. It ain't about being a 'scrooge'; it's about financial independence and making decisions that suit u best. It's high time workplaces retire this forced festivity crap. PS: Your bad-ass cookies were all the Xmas spirit u needed to bring.
    via KneadyAndGreedy
  • Ok-Gap9496 for real, its wild how some think forcing holiday cheer is the way to go
    via Ok-Gap9496
  • PrettyLilPrincess 18 Definitely NTJ for skipping a gift exchange that doesn't fit your budget or vibe. Setting boundaries with money and personal comfort is totally okay especially when you still made an effort to share homemade cookies and keep things positive. The pressure to conform to office traditions can be tough but your honesty and kindness speak for themselves.
    via PrettyLilPrincess
  • Pan_Fluid_Boo I worked for a place once, and we changed from doing SS for the person with a $10 limit to buying a child's gift inspired by that person for Xmas charity. No spending limit. It became so fun to see the kids' gifts and everyone got into it! Think IT guys got kid computer toys, etc. And at the end all the toys got donated!
    via Pan_Fluid_Boo
  • rageofa1000suns I stopped doing secret Santa when I got nothing in return 2 times.
    via rageofa1000suns
  • Economy_Drummer_3822 NTA i would honestly go to HR about this
    via Economy_Drummer_3822
  • Hulla_Sarsaparilla NTJ but how come you've already done a secret Santa this year it's not even December?
    via Hulla_Sarsaparilla

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christmas boss antiwork workplace-stories employee work-drama drama work coworkers Secret Santa community saving up finances colleague Christmas Spirit workplace Reddit employment
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