'Dropping a book you're not enjoying is elite adulthood': What's something you didn't realize was optional in life?

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JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Nov 20, 2025 10:00 AM EST

We're all guilty of not using our free will enough. We know intellectually that we're allowed to do whatever we want, but actually doing it is a whole other practice. There are so many rules, habits, and manners that we pick up during the early part of our lives that just stay with us because we never question them. 

We never stop and think why we feel guilty every time we use the little spoon instead of the big spoon from the kitchen drawer. Who told us that you had to use the big spoon? We walk around thinking that you can't wear white after Labor Day, that you have to wear makeup to the grocery store, and that you can never use the fine china unless it's a special occasion. But we're all adults here. We can make our own rules and traditions. Nobody will fall to the floor if we suddenly stop wearing the same colored socks. You might even feel good to know that you can break the rules and get away with it. The silly rules, of course. 

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  • But sometimes the silliest rules are the ones that are hardest to get away from, and it will take the influence of somebody else to show us how life can be lived. Sometimes a person will come into your life to unlock a certain part of the map that you didn't know could be unlocked. This thread is a list of all of those moments. Maybe they'll unlock something for you.

  • What's something you didn't realize was optional in life until you saw someone simply not doing it?

    bambootaro 14h ago . Using the "fancy" cups, plates etc. Mum was flabbergasted when I made her a cup of tea using the china from her display cabinet. If not now, then when? Why shouldn't we use it when we can?
    via u/bambootaro
  • Adventurous-Mall7677 16h ago Saying "thank you for the invitation, but I/we won't be able to make it!" to a social invite without providing a detailed explanation about WHY you can't attend.
    via u/Adventurous-Mall7677
  • Carsanttc . 15h ago That you don't actually have to have an opinion on everything. Watching someone say "I don't know enough about that to comment" made me realize silence is an option too.
    via u/Carsanttc
  • Mehkarma 16h ago A person was talking stupid, and the person didn't argue, but just got up & walked away without saying a word.
    via u/Mehkarma
  • Competitive_Bag3... .15h ago Your mileage may vary on this one, but sitting through meetings you don't need to be in. When I was an intern, I mentioned to my boss that a certain team's meetings were brutally long and tended to get waaaaaay more in the
    via u/Competitive_Bag3933
  • weeds than they should. He told me, "Then just leave," and it absolutely blew my mind. You have to know the politics, and I'd advise getting a vibe check from your boss first, but you can almost always say something like, "It sounds like you dont need me for this last part - is it okay if I
    via u/Competitive_Bag3933
  • go get a head start on this project?" or "I have something pretty time sensitive to get to - are there any things left you need my input on?" And then I just leave. I say it cheerfully, I always follow up on the parts that involved me, and I've never gotten in trouble for it or had it impact my reputation negatively. Don't let yourself be trapped!
    via u/Competitive_Bag3933
  • No-Following-4394 • 15h ago Giving a shit. I dont mean in an apathetic way, but growing up my parents paniced about every little thing. Going to the store, a dr's appointment, a missed piece of mail, dropping a fork, spilling milk on the table. Everything turned into a "BIG DEAL".
    via u/No-Following-4394
  • But I spent time with other people as a teen/adult, and realized that wasn't normal. The world doesn't end if you burn a pizza, or if the water spills over when boiling pasta. That guy who cut you off isn't the worst part of your day, the staff member at the store checking your ID isn't a bad person. You can just "not" react to those things, and life gets a whole lot easier.
    via u/No-Following-4394
  • Tulipsarered • 15h ago . Not opening the door when the doorbell rings.
    via u/Tulipsarered
  • TJfreshman20 18h ago Seeing someone just not force small talk made me realize you don't have to fill every silence and watching friends say "I'm too tired to go" without guilt taught me that you're allowed to honor your energy without explaining yourself.
    via u/TJfreshman20
  • IndicationPretty4... . 14h ago Clicking no to website cookies. I always accepted because I thought I couldn't view the page otherwise. One day I watched my friend decline, and they just continued as normal. I was silently mindblown
    via u/IndicationPretty4
  • RestDayDenier 13h ago . Finishing every book you start. Dropping a book you're not enjoying is elite adulthood.
    via u/RestDayDenier
  • PrestigiousOne1786 • 13h ago I was killing myself at my first job. Working late, answering emails at 10 PM, 'going the extra mile.' I thought that's what 'good employees' did. Then I saw a senior guy on my team-super respected, brilliant at his job-log off at 4:59 PM. Every. Single. Day.
    via u/PrestigiousOne1786
  • I once saw a manager try to give him weekend work, and he just... looked at him blankly and said, 'No. I won't be doing that. See you Monday. My jaw hit the floor. The world didn't end. He wasn't fired. He just... had boundaries. It changed my life
    via u/PrestigiousOne1786
  • Mountain-Match2... • 16h ago Answering a question. Just because someone asks you a question, doesnt mean you have to answer it.
    via u/Mountain-Match2942
  • • Koupob 15h ago Realizing that I don't have to be responsible for other people's emotions. Like, I am, of course, responsible to behave like a decent human being and treat everyone lovingly and with integrity, but... it's up to them how they FEEL about my actions, and it's their job to manage those emotions, not mine.
    via u/Koupob
  • colaman-112 • 16h ago . I think I was 15 when I realized that I didn't actually have to start smoking. Ever. Every adult I knew smoked and they always talked about it like obviously I was going to start at some point, they just recommended not to do it too young.
    via u/colaman-112
  • • JoeMorgue 18h ago I've got this great ironing hack called "Don't buy clothes that need ironing." I have two full suits, a dark grey 3 piece and a lighter grey 2 piece, 1 pair of khaki dress pants, and two dress shirts pressed and starched by our local cleaners hanging up in my closet along with a couple of ties and all the needed rigamrole.
    via u/JoeMorgue
  • Commercial-Act-9... 16h ago You don't have to go to all family holidays. You can start new traditions.
    via u/Commercial-Act-9297
  • shesus_x 14h ago . Quitting, everyone always says how resilient i am, but truthfully i just didnt realise i was allowed to quit, anything.
    via u/shesus_x
  • ssnider75 13h ago . Acting like an adult. I'm almost 50 and play video games every day. I play Fortnite, I run up the stairs on all fours like a dog sometimes. I occasionally buy a Happy Meal because the toy looks fun. I don't give a fuck what anyone thinks about it. You can set your own rules for what an "adult" is.
    via u/ssnider75
  • Aromatic-Youth-4... . 15h ago Responding immediately to every text, email, voicemail. Unless it's an emergency I'll get back to you "at my earliest convenience"
    via u/Aromatic-Youth-4670
  • LilStinkpot • 16h ago . Wearing a bra any time I step outside.
    via u/LilStinkpot
  • TheSlyMrIncredible . 13h ago Not getting a plastic bag for produce at the store.
    via u/TheSlyMrIncredible
  • wizardwalksby • 15h ago Giving and receiving Christmas gifts. Years ago I saw Melissa Urban make a post on social media about how she holds a boundary about not exchanging gifts. I didn't know that was an option! I told family, "I'm not giving gifts anymore and I won't accept any."
    via u/wizardwalksby
  • carstanza · 17h ago . wearing makeup to run to the store. the other day i just...didnt. and nothing bad happened!
    via u/carstanza

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