'Sorry, cousins only': Woman's cousin adds his new fiancée to the family group chat for Secret Santa, only for her to removed from the group

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Ben Weiss • Writer and Editor
Nov 20, 2025 4:00 PM EST

Secret Santa groups almost always lead to some kind of trouble.

In this instance, we're dealing with a group of cousins who could not handle the idea that one of their own would invite his significant other to join the group chat and, by extension, their annual Secret Santa gift exchange. 

First of all, it's hard for some of us to fathom a group of cousins being this close that they would act like an exclusive high school friend squad. Perhaps it's because they're all so close in age, or perhaps they all live relatively close to one another physically. Still, the idea that this group chat would be so precious that no one's partner could ever join is kind of wild.

Maybe what these family members really need is some physical and emotional distance from one another.

Once the eldest cousin got engaged, everyone seemed to almost unanimously decide that they were not fans of the fiancée. It could be jealousy. It could be that she's different. It could be that they are too strangely overprotective of their cousin. Regardless, things escalated once Secret Santa discussions began to take shape.

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    "[Am I wrong] for removing my cousin's fiancée from the cousin's group chat?"

    For context, my cousin made a group chat with most of the cousins (ages 14 to 25) about two years ago, and that's our way of connecting while we're all in school, work, or living in different
    via Psychological-Act707
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    countries. He got engaged to his fiancée 9 months ago (his ex- girlfriend's older sister, but that's a story for another day), and some of us decided that if he ever added her to the group chat,
    via Psychological-Act707
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    we would leave. Their whole relationship seemed weird to us, and we didn't want to be involved with that. All in all, we've welcomed her into the family and treated her with respect, because at the end of the day, our cousin
    via Psychological-Act707
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    is marrying her. Fast forward to now, we were planning a Secret Santa, and he wanted to include her. At first, some of us wanted to keep it cousins only, but we let it go. Then he added her to the cousin's group chat, something
    via Psychological-Act707
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    many of us were against. Maybe it's weird to be against that, but this group chat is so exclusive that we haven't added any of our other cousins. One of my cousins
    via Psychological-Act707
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    made a separate group chat without her and named it "Cousins," while I removed his fiancée from the group chat and said, "Sorry, cousins only." He then proceeded to remove
    via Psychological-Act707
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    himself and text me whether it was necessary to remove her. I told him that I only did what everyone else was thinking. Was I in the wrong?
    via Psychological-Act707
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    Three women text on their phones on the street.
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    Edit: there are no other partners/SOs in the group chat. He's the only one engaged so far. The Secret Santa group chat and cousins-only group chat are two
    via Psychological-Act707
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    separate group chats. She was removed from the latter. My cousin made a third group chat (titled Cousins) without her, but it was mostly as a clap back
    via Psychological-Act707
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    Electronic_Lock... . 14h ago Their whole relationship is weird to you guys and that's why you don't really want to add her, isn't it? You say it's another story for another day but I think that's part of the story here.
    via Psychological-Act707
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    MisterIndecisive 14h ago . NTA It's a group chat for cousins. I think it's nice how you all stay in touch. Partners don't need to be included in everything
    via Psychological-Act707
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    honii7 14h ago . Why would u still remove her if u had a separate gc without her anyways?? Having a separate gc seems like the easiest solution.
    via Psychological-Act707
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    Also, pls clarify what's 'weird' about your cousin and his fiance. I'm assuming it's bad enough considering you're not the only one who
    via Psychological-Act707
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    feels this way but at the same time it's kinda impossible to judge this without that info. But regardless of whether you're justified or not, you're going about it in a way that's only
    via Psychological-Act707
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    going to cause more tension. She's gonna be 'family' one day, and this problem isnt going to just go away. You're eventually going to have to put your foot down or let it go
    via Psychological-Act707
  • 17
    Melphor 1h ago . YTA for the most petty bullshit imaginable. This is not important at all.
    via Psychological-Act707

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Tags

family drama Secret Santa family feud entitled people karma family group chat cousins entitled people
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