‘We didn't serve ribeye and caviar’: In-laws scold couple for contributing supposed ‘over the top’ dishes to the family's Thanksgiving dinners

Author image for Lana DeGaetano
Lana DeGaetano • "Show me to me please."
Nov 25, 2025 6:00 PM EST

A Thanksgiving meal is supposed to be special in whatever way you and your loved ones see fit. Despite your loved ones' thirst for drama, political disagreements, and inability to keep the sound level below 110 decibels, it's all worth it for that harmonious sit-down meal where everyone can't speak because they're stuffing their faces with sweet potato casserole.

If you're having dinner with your in-laws, well… Treading carefully is always your best bet when you're first entering an unfamiliar space. Those of you blessed with welcoming in-laws, be grateful for that this holiday season. Not all of us are as lucky, and even when we go above and beyond for them, it is never enough.

This next story is a testament to the idea that you can try hard or not at all, and your outcome will still be the same if your in-laws are the problem. A woman explains that her entitled in-laws expect her and her husband to change their plans at the drop of a hat just because they said so. Additionally, they take digs at her cooking, which they believe is "over the top". Alright, nobody's eating then. Scroll to read.

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  • 01
    a group of people sitting around a thanksgiving table
    via Michael T For Unsplash+

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02

    "AIO I'm being told by in-laws that my contributions to holidays upset everyone"

    My husband's parents (mother in particular) are much closer with his younger brother than with him.
    via Cheeseaisleinheaven
  • 03
    Also, his brother's wife sometimes needs to work on holidays (totally fine). However, each year, they all talk about the holidays without my husband, then my MIL calls him and tells him what day/time that he needs to be there.
    via Cheeseaisleinheaven
  • 04
    We often have to change our PTO, my family holidays, or our kid's schedule to accommodate, and we are sometimes told we need to host with very short notice.
    via Cheeseaisleinheaven
  • 05
    We pay and host, my in-laws pay and host, and my brother in law and his wife don't host or bring anything, typically.
    via Cheeseaisleinheaven
  • 06
    My husband called his parents to talk to them after he lost 2 PTO days for the Thanksgiving holiday to accommodate his SIL's work schedule.
    via Cheeseaisleinheaven
  • 07
    He asked that we find a better way of deciding and communicating holiday schedules, and told them that he feels left out and scrambling to make their times and days work.
    via Cheeseaisleinheaven
  • 08
    He also asked if we can find a better solution to all share the load, and asked that his brother host or bring a dish to pass sometimes to make it more equal.
    via Cheeseaisleinheaven
  • 09
    His parents hit the roof. They told him that it's our responsibility to be more flexible for them because our jobs are more flexible than theirs and we can just take PTO.
    via Cheeseaisleinheaven
  • 10
    They also said his brother is doing the right thing by not bringing anything, because no one asked us to bring the sides and snacks we bring to functions, and they are "over the top" and "unnecessary." They also said that, when we host, the food is "over the top", "too much" and we make everyone in the family uncomfortable.
    via Cheeseaisleinheaven
  • 11
    I'm hurt and at a loss. We didn't serve ribeye and caviar. We typically bring a cheese and meat tray as a side, some homemade dip with chips, etc.
    via Cheeseaisleinheaven
  • 12
    meat and cheese charcuterie with vegetables and a baguette
    via Erik Dungan for Unsplash
  • 13
    When I've hosted Christmas, I've made a beef roast and some mashed potatoes. I don't consider any of this "over the top", but maybe I'm missing some social cues here (his mother doesn't like cooking, and typically just reheats items from cans or pre-made/boxed or frozen. items, so maybe that's where I screwed up).
    via Cheeseaisleinheaven
  • 14
    Going forward, we will be sure to just accept whatever time/date/location they tell us and I will work to tone down all my contributions, but I'm pulling back my support and help in all other areas.
    via Cheeseaisleinheaven
  • 15
    We feel really unappreciated, and we no longer want to host or provide and provide a venue/meals for them.
    via Cheeseaisleinheaven
  • 16
    AIO?
    via Cheeseaisleinheaven
  • 17
    FitzDesign NOR and I'm wondering why go at all? They kowtow to the golden child and then demand you do as they say. No thanks. Personally the next time they do this I would send a group response saying something like sorry we can't make it this year. We were left out of the planning and have prior obligations. We will be happy to attend the next one if we are included in the planning so that we can make appropriate arrangements.
    via FitzDesign
  • 18
    After that mute the chat and don't bother responding. Go low contact for a while and see if it wakes them up. If it doesn't, well you really haven't lost anything other than aggravation have you?
    via FitzDesign
  • 19
    PilotEnvironmental46 This. OP -I'm struggling to understand why you tolerate this behavior from these people. They call last minute to change plans: " sorry that won't work for us. We hope you have a good holiday and we can get together next time." Stop changing your plans that you've already made with your family to accommodate them.
    via PilotEnvironmental46
  • 20
    Also inform them that you will no longer host since you have been made aware that you hosting makes other people uncomfortable You're way nicer than me. If that was my spouse's parents, I would be informing her that I was no longer going to attend holidays with her family. They're rude, disrespectful, and clearly favor your brother-in-law. The bigger question is when are you and your husband going to get some shiny new spines and start standing up for yourself?
    via PilotEnvironmental46
  • 21
    Soft_Ad822 If the in-laws don't appreciate OP's effort, OP should stop giving it. A simple 'that doesn't work for us' and stepping back from hosting will solve most of the chaos.
    via Soft_Ad822

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family drama thanksgiving dinner entitled parents thanksgiving family feud family entitled people
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