26-year-old brother refuses to pay for his 20-year-old sister's wedding after paying for his 23-year-old sister's wedding: 'She said, "Just pay and get done with it."'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Nov 24, 2025 8:00 PM EST

He's not made of money.

It's very easy to think of something as "not that expensive" if you aren't paying for it yourself. Who among us hasn't watched an episode of Say Yes to the Dress where the budget was $3000 and thought, "Wow, they're so cheap," even though we would never spend more than $3000 of our own money on a wedding dress? The same thing goes for credit cards. People will spend more on a credit card than they will with a debit card because it's easier to conceptualize credit cards as "not your money," because they are not. They're borrowed money that you'll eventually have to pay off, but it's not the same thing as seeing liquid money leave your bank account forever when you make a purchase. 

You would think that in situations where a loved one is giving you money out of the kindness of their heart, you would treat their money with some reverence, but that's not always the case. It's common for people to take their parents' and siblings' money for granted and act as if they are entitled to use it however they please.

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  • Beautiful young bride and groom outside in green nature during a romantic sunset
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • The sister in this story has been through a lot, losing her dad. Her older brother has stepped up as the family's surrogate father figure and has supported her and her other siblings through a lot, including her older sister's wedding. Now that she wants to get married, she thinks that he should pay for it too. 

  • Am I the bad guy for refusing to pay for my sister's wedding?

    I (26M) am the eldest of four siblings - Liam (17M), Rose(23F) and May(20F). I lost my father six years ago, and it was hard on all of us, but it didn't seem to crush anyone as bad as my mother. It was brutal, she didn't last long without him. With no one else
    via u/bob_1k999
  • taking care of us, I took a part time job until I graduated and then joined my campus placement instead of masters like I always wanted to. We managed, since Rose joined a good local college which was government funded so the fees were not too high and the FD our father started for her wedding managed to pay for the whole degree.
    via u/bob_1k999
  • A woman in a graduation gown holding a diploma
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  • There was still a bit left, I used it along with what I myself started. saving for her to pay for her wedding. She found a good guy - respectful, kind, smart, hardworking, stable job - the kind who could take good care of her and loved her. Of course we all loved him, he was her dream guy and the kind our father would approve of. All was well.
    via u/bob_1k999
  • Now, May brought this guy home, and informed us she plans to marry him. Soon. He has no promise of graduating this year either (he should have done so last year) and is receiving pocket money from parents. He doesn't have a job and isn't managing to get a stable one either. I wouldn't
    via u/bob_1k999
  • be so wary if May was trustworthy, but she isn't. She is no position to manage interviews and a job, neither are her grades good enough to push her into masters. I told her this is not a good idea but she is in no mood to listen. Her argument is that Rose was her age when I got her married. I told her Rose landed
    via u/bob_1k999
  • most interviews she tried and managed our household finances to a good extent by herself, she was ready for it. May isn't. She isn't listening to me. She said "Fine. Hate him all you want, don't give us your permission or blessing. Just pay and get done with it." I said I won't pay for her wedding because
    via u/bob_1k999
  • 1. I hardly have the money - I used up all the money our father set aside for her future into her college fees and my FD hasn't matured yet 2. Even if I were to break it or take a loan, it's an unwise decision on her part that I don't support
    via u/bob_1k999
  • 3. I'm trying to save up for my kids' futures and such a big expense is not the way to do SO 4. Medical bills are draining my income as is and paying for her wedding will be taxing
    via u/bob_1k999
  • Health care costs stethoscope and calculator symbol for healthcare costs or medical insurance
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    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • I know it's not fair since I paid for Rose's wedding, but I didn't have to spend that much on her college since it was a very good one and could use some of that fund in the wedding, not to mention Rose herself helped managed finances and she saved us a good bit, which is why I could pay for her, I didn't and don't have a lumpsum liquid cash lying around. So, AITA?
    via u/bob_1k999
  • Syveril NTA. There's a reason you're in charge and not the one marrying a degreeless unemployed loafer at 21. You're doing what's best for her, even if she's too myopic to know it. Withholding the funds may also encourage a long "engagement" and she might get sick of this freeloader. Maybe he's the one trying to pressure her into marriage for some access to easy cash.
    via u/Syveril
  • bob_1k999 OP Thanks, I really needed to hear that. And you're right, that's one of the reasons I'm wary about this marriage.
    via u/bob_1k999
  • unpopularcryptonite NTA. "Just pay and get done with it". The entitlement....just wow....does she really think every adult out there gets their wedding paid for by family?
    via u/unpopularcryptonite
  • Organic_Start_420 NTA tell your sister to get a job and keep it for a time to save for her wedding
    via u/Organic_Start_420
  • ReadMeDrMemory NTA. You do not owe it to May to pay for her wedding. "I know it's not fair since I paid for Rose's wedding." The cirrcumstances are different. And you ARE allowed to treat people differently based on their own character and behavior, though remember that you don't need to try and justify this to May. (After all, nothing you say would be enough, would it?) Just tell her you're sorry, she can call you an asshole if she wants but you don't have the money, if she can't afford to pay
    via u/ReadMeDrMemory
  • bob_1k999 OP I feel like I am responsible because I should have her taken care of like our father would have, and I feel guilty about it, but she has many friends and will ask for a big wedding which is too financially hard on me without taking a loan. And this guy can't take care of himself, let alone her as well, I feel like I should try to stop her from such a rash decision at her age. Thank you for your reassurance, though, I needed that.
    via u/bob_1k999
  • wavesnfreckles Hey bud, just a reminder, you are not your father. Your dad probably had a solid job he had worked at for years, he may have planned to make a wedding fund for each kid, but circumstances change. You can't demand of yourself, in your 20s to be able to do all your father was doing in his 40s? 50s? 60s? Or however old he was when he passed.
    via u/wavesnfreckles
  • You are doing a heck of a job, my friend! Your dad would be so proud! But as much of a dad you have had to have been for you siblings and as much responsibility and sacrifice you have to shoulder, it is still not your burden to bear to be the financial provider your dad was. There's a large gap between the two of you. I'm sure, at your age, your dad might not have been making loads and loads of money.
    via u/wavesnfreckles
  • Also, your dad probably wouldn't have approved of her choice of marrying this guy either. So by not financing her bad choice you might hopefully help keep her from making a mistake and doing the same your dad would have wanted. Caveat, please don't live your life doing everything you think your dad would have wanted. That is a slippery slope to forgoing your happiness for what you THINK someone else would have wanted and in the end it won't make you happy.
    via u/wavesnfreckles
  • I'm sorry you have been dealt this hand. I lost my dad 5 years ago and good grief it has been so very hard. Me and my sister were all married and with children of our own and we still grieve so much. I can't even imagine what it has been like for you. You are doing amazing and going above and beyond what anyone should expect of you. Give yourself some grace, ok? Sending you hugs.
    via u/wavesnfreckles
  • bob_1k999 OP I didn't know I needed to hear this but thank you for it, so so much, it means the world.
    via u/bob_1k999
  • ApprehensiveBook4214 NTA. First most people won't contribute to a wedding they don't support. Second May is being very entitled demanding you pay for her wedding. Asking is ok as long as no is an acceptable answer. Third if you haven't already let her know the money set aside for her has been used up by her college fees. She's welcome for the assistance she's already received.
    via u/ApprehensiveBook4214
  • Lastly tell her paying for the wedding she wants is on her and her fiance. Her expectation that you will fund her party is gross. Ask her how she plans to fund both the wedding and her married life with neither of them being employed. Watch her sputter as she tries to grasp the concept that you're not her ATM. I promise if you give in on this she's going to expect you to also pay for their expenses "just until fiance gets a job." Shut this down now.
    via u/ApprehensiveBook4214

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