Woman decides she is no longer hosting Christmas for her extended family of 15+ people, leading her family to declare that she is being a "Grinch": 'The whole family is acting like I have cancelled Christmas.'

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    "[Am I wrong] for ‘Cancelling’ Christmas?"

    I am the family Organiser, the one everyone goes to for holidays, advice, support or just wants to rant to. I love and hate it equally. I host all major holidays as my home is large and neutral to family drama (I refuse to get involved). Every Christmas we host upwards of 15 people and it is exhausting.
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    SOREL
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    We are hosting this year again and I feel excitement and dread in equal measures. Talking to a friend she was dating they don't do a 'Christmas meal' just a normal lunch and spend the day enjoying their family time. It sounded so lovely I felt like crying. So next year I have decided I won't be hosting, we
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    will either stay home and order takeaway or will plan a long trip over the holiday. My husband was shocked but agreed he would love a quiet Christmas. I spoke to my parents & in laws about this in passing in our daily catch ups and the reaction was incredible. I felt like the grinch and the whole family is acting
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    like I have cancelled Christmas for everyone. I've been told I'm being selfish, that I am "excluding us from our grandchildren" and ruining this years holiday too. I have siblings who can host and everyone is able bodied and can cook for themselves. So am I the AH? Or is it time to drop the rope?
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    OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: I have been told I am ruining Christmas by family. However my husband is in agreement with me and my siblings range from 'about time' to 'how can you let everyone down?'
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    NellieFl Turn it back on them. Wow so instead of being grateful for all the years I've hosted and cooked for you, spending time and money. You now feel so entitled to my labor, that you call me selfish when I make alternate plans? Your attitude has only convinced me this is the right thing even further. You're all able bodied adults who can cook so I've cancelled nothing, you're just worried you'll have to put some effort in. NTA
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    TeenySod NTA, this is bullshit from your family tbh, stand your ground. You're not "cancelling Christmas" - you're still hosting this year's event, you've just given advance notice that you won't be doing it next year. Grandparents and other relatives need to grow up and recognise that seeing their grandchildren/niblings on Christmas Eve or Boxing Day is not
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    the end of the world - I remember as kids we LOVED this - it was like having two (sometimes even three!) Christmas Days with presents from the people we were visiting on 'other' days given on those days.
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    Any more pushback: do NOT apologise. Your response is "I've hosted Christmas X years in a row and have loved doing it, it's time for me to have a rest from that next year: I hope to see everyone over the holiday season, I'm not going to be cooking for X people in 2026, happy to give any tips on catering for large numbers to any of you who want to host instead." (or similar).
  • 11
    kiwifarmdog NTA So basically you've given them all a year to organise themselves for one holiday, and they're claiming you're cancelling the holiday?

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