Sister destroys $200 worth of Christmas gifts for 18-month-old nephew, then claims it was to force more charity giving, getting herself cut off: ‘[She said] we “went overboard” on the amount and “needed to be grateful and give more to charity”’

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  • AIO for screaming at my sister after she destroyed my child’s Christmas presents “because we didn’t do enough for charity”?

    Mother and father engaging with their young son in creative activities at home in a colorful living room filled with educational toys and books
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  • Hi everyone, I (30f) have a son (18month) who is finally getting the concept of Christmas this year.
  • Admittedly, I was too excited and went a little overboard and spent about $200 dollars on an array of gifts for him to unwrap.
  • I had them stored in a guest room that he doesn't have access to, to later wrap them.
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  • My sister(39f), came over for family dinner the other night and was telling me that her and her family decided that they wouldn't be doing gifts this year, and would instead be spending that money on angel trees.
  • I told her that I think that's a great idea and good for them. She clarified that we wouldn't be getting gifts from them, and I assured her we did not want or need anything from them.
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  • She then asked if we would be doing any donations, and I explained to her that we already did two angels this month, and will most likely do two more next month.
  • After dinner, she brought back the conversation to gifts, and asked if we'd also consider not doing family gifts and focusing on charity.
  • I explained that we already bought our son gifts and assumed that was the end of it.
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  • She went quiet and excused herself to the bathroom. After awhile, she came back to the table and quickly left our house.
  • I went to the guest room to grab something from storage and walked into a disaster zone.
  • Woman sending voice message in cozy nursery while toddler plays nearby, capturing family life indoors with a serene and nurturing environment
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  • All of the gifts were either smashed, or torn apart, and some of the clothes were ripped.
  • I was shocked and called my sister. On the phone she yelled at me that we weren't doing enough for charity and that instead of replacing the gifts, we should use that money to send to those in need.
  • We got into a huge argument and I ended up hanging up on her. Our family is 50/50 about who is in the right.
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  • Some family believe she was just trying to help others, but my dad and other siblings believe she is fully in the wrong.
  • My family is so split that it's threatening our family holidays and everyone is bickering with each other.
  • Replacing the gifts will be tight, but we can do it, but is this all worth the fighting?
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  • Edit 1.) Hi guys just a little update and answer to some questions I keep seeing!
  • 1. Unfortunately this is a real story. My sister has done a lot of shit to me and my siblings over the years but nothing physical until now.
  • The more I think about things she's done and this, the more I think it's completely absurd to have this happen.
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  • I used to brush it off but now that it's involved my kid, I can't anymore.
  • I was also trying not to fight or cause stress because I'm four months pregnant so I was inclined to replace things until I realized that wouldn't do anything productive.
  • I would sell my soul to be able to have a normal sister relationship with her.
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  • 2. Regarding how she knew I had the gifts in the spare room, I did tell her they were there when she asked.
  • In hindsight, not the best idea I've had. 3. She has stomach and gallbladder issues, so anytime we have a meal, she's usually going to the bathroom for 20-45 minutes or longer so her absence wasn't out of the ordinary.
  • The bathroom in question is next to the guest room and upstairs so she goes there for privacy instead of using the bathroom next to our kitchen/dining 4.
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  • My dad and siblings are in agreement with me that it was wrong of her and are also bewildered with her.
  • My cousins and 50/50 with saying she's wrong and wanting me to drop it. My uncles(minus one), aunts, and grandparents all want me to drop it like we all usually do if there's family "disagreements" (hence me saying family is 50/50).
  • My in-laws and friends are on our side. 5. Some people asked about their financial situation, I'm honestly not sure.
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  • From the outside it looks fine but I can't speculate for certain. She typically buys her kids things whenever they ask and I haven't seen anything out of the ordinary.
  • Her husband and her don't seem to be fighting either but again.. I don't know for certain.
  • 6. Regarding her donating, our extended family is the type to give a lot to charity, but to me I've never seen it used as a measurement until now.
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  • All I'm aware of is that she saw a TikTok about a lady failing an angel tree recipient and it's turned into a trend of doing them.
  • My husband and I usually do 3-7 a year but we've never really made that known to her until she asked, and she said it was weird we usually go for teens/older kids wishes.
  • That comment didn't really sink in until today that it could be that she donating to show off.
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  • 7. My sister was the only child in our family for about 9 years until myself and a cousin were born.
  • She was heavily doted on and it does seem that family has just been babying her ever since 8.
  • A lot of these comments asked about mental health. My sister has always been a bit bossy and usually the one to plan things, so most of the time we kind of brush it off.
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  • When she's stressed she'll snap but it's always with words or attitude, nothing physical. I brought up maybe she has an illness to my other sister and she told me she's assumed that for awhile.
  • If our sister has something and wants help, we will absolutely help her, us most likely from a far at first.
  • 9. NEW EDIT: I forgot to post that her "reasonings" for destroying the toys was that we "went overboard" on the amount of toys (about 7 items), we "needed to be grateful and give more to charity" an that she was "raising concerns that we cared more about us than others this holiday season and that these were replaceable " BUT none of this was said directly to me, just telephoned through family to me so I can't validate it.
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  • My husband and I have really reflected the past few hours since posting and we've decided that it is absolutely time for her to grow up/ or get help if she's having issues.
  • We've reached out to her stating that she owes us money/ replacements by end of next week and if not, we have decided to move forward and make a report.
  • While I have not heard back from her specifically, I've had an aunt reach out and pretty much berate me for "causing my sister more stress." I just replied that she caused damage to our possessions and my aunt didn't really seem to listen.
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  • After that call, we did decide to listen to these comments and go low contact with extended family, and we texted them that we will not be in attendance this holiday season.
  • Weirdly enough, it felt great to say that. Shocker, right? My dad wants to help pay and replace the gifts, but we refused.
  • We don't think he should have to do anything, nor my siblings or anyone else. He is open to the idea of having a conversation with her about her mental health or home life, but he wants this to settle down a bit so it's not seeming like we are attacking her.
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  • As of now, we are no contact and for the foreseeable future, she will not be allowed around our toddler.
  • Thanks for everyone's advice and comments!

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