Employee cautiously convinced to give colleague a single ride home regrets it when she immediately turns to demanding rides at her own convenience like a personal chauffeur: 'From that day on, she started acting like I was her personal ride'

Author image for Brad Dickson
Brad Dickson • Managing Editor
Dec 2, 2025 12:00 PM EST

A favor is only a favor until it becomes an expectation—or even a demand. At that point, what are you even doing? 

Unfortunately, it's only natural "humanness" to become adjusted to something and adapt to it over time. We are creatures of habit by nature, and it doesn't take long before something that's new and exciting becomes a baseline for our lives. 

We're most guilty of this probably with our own parents; we grow up so used to them doing things for us that it can be easy to forget that they're just people too, and anything they're doing for us comes directly from their own time, energy, and intention. Or even that friend who goes out of their way to keep in contact with you. Would you even still be friends if it were up to you to message them first?

When it's something that someone else is doing for you, it can be all too easy to take it for granted. It's a quiet line that is crossed without you even noticing. We might not even mean to take advantage of it, but we do all the same. And, at the end of the day, we're responsible for our actions (or lack thereof, not only our intentions.)

I'd argue that this happens with all instances of favors, too. The minute the behavior becomes a pattern, it's just ingrained into you and, thus, becomes an expectation. That doesn't mean that we shouldn't do favors for others; in fact, I'd argue that this part of the social contract is one of the biggest things we've lost as a society in the last 30 years. 

Doing something for another person for the sheer kindness of it should be one of life's greatest satisfactions, but instead, we're all just crabs in a bucket seeking to better only ourselves at the expense of others. Still, the other side of the same coin of doing favors for others is clearly communicating and setting boundaries. Which is something else we've also lost in the modern day, as we all largely seem to struggle to communicate directly and say what we mean. 

This employee found herself in a difficult situation when she relented and provided her colleague a ride home on a rainy day, intending for it to be a one-time thing only. However, she unwittingly opened a door that, once ajar, her colleague was quick to stick her foot into, jamming it open. Realizing how "easy" it was for the employee to drop her off, she decided that this should be a daily occurrence, signing the employee up as her personal chauffeur, even asking to be driven for personal errands. 

Like a shark in the water, she'd come circling every day when it came time to head home, acting like it was outrageous any time a ride wasn't then offered.

As mentioned previously, boundaries are essential in any relationship, but this is especially true in the workplace. After all, having some inoffensive universal baseline to refer back to is the foundation of professionalism. It's a shame, but instances like this are why everyone is wary of extending a personal kindness to anyone in a professional setting.

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    A woman rides in the backseat of a car on her way to work
    via Getty Images For Unsplash+

    The image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    "AITA for not giving my coworker a ride after she kept assuming I would?"

    I (28F) work at an office about 20 minutes from my apartment. I'm pretty quiet at work, stay in my lane, finish my tasks, go home. A few months ago, a new coworker, Sara, (31F) started, and we got along fine. nothing deep, just normal work friendliness. One day it was raining really hard, and as I was packing up to leave, she asked if I could drop her off at a bus stop a few minutes away.
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    It was on my route, so I said sure. No big deal. The next day, she comes up to my desk at 4:55 PM with her bag and goes, Ready to go? I was confused and said, Oh, sorry I'm staying late today. She gave me a weird look but said ok and left. From that day on, she started acting like I was her personal ride. She'd wait by the door at the end of the day. She'd text me, "Leaving now?" even though I never told her I'd drive her regularly.
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    When I didn't offer, she'd get a little cold with me the next morning. Last Thursday, she messaged me at 4:40 saying, Can you take me to the mall after work? The mall is 25 minutes in the opposite direction of my home. I told her, Sorry, that's too far out of my way. She replied, "Wow. Okay." The next day she barely spoke to me and acted like I'd betrayed her. Another coworker even asked me what happened, because apparently Sara told people I promised to help her out and then backed out.
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    I've never promised her anything. I gave her one ride during a storm and was just trying to be nice. I don't mind helping occasionally, but I don't want it to be assumed or expected especially when it's inconvenient and she never offers gas money or anything.
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    My sister says I was too nice in the beginning and that people like that will always push boundaries. Another friend says maybe I should've just driven her to avoid drama. I don't feel like I did anything wrong, but the tension at work is awkward now. AITA for telling my coworker I couldn't keep giving her rides?
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    OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: 1. What action I took that should be judged: I stopped giving my coworker rides and told her I couldn't take her places anymore, especially when it was out
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    of my way. 2. Why that action might make me the asshole: Because she may have felt I set a precedent by helping her once, and from her perspective, refusing afterward could seem cold, inconvenient for her, or like I backed out of an unspoken expectation.
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    She might also think I should've been more consistent or clearer from the beginning.
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    KuzcosWaterslide This will sound like an overreaction, but I promise you it's not. Tell your manager what's happening and that you're considering going to HR because she's starting to tell people a false account of what happened and you don't want a hostile workplace. Now, hopefully your immediate manager will handle the situation themselves, but if they
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    don't then you've taken the appropriate steps before actually going to HR. And then if she escalates her behavior after reporting to your manager then all the more reason to take it to HR. It seems small now, but if you allow her to build a false narrative about you now then she's going to continue to do it in the future so it
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    needs to be nipped in the bud before it's allowed to get to that point. It's not a small matter when people start attacking your character at work directly to your coworkers. Immediate edit: Definitely NTA. She was definitely trying to force you into being her ride by trying to make you feel embarrassed about the whole thing.
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    Adventurous-Term5062 NTA. Go to HR and get this shut down. "There is a misunderstanding between Sara and I, she has assumed I would drive her anywhere after work, including places one hour (round trip) out of my way. This has caused office tensions and I want it documented to protect me from any issues." Give them the examples. Good luck!
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    lovewholly Your sister is correct. Your friend is objectively wrong. Being nice attracts pushy people/leeches. Make it clear that you offered her a ride once because it was raining, you have never
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    promised her anything, and you are not obligated to give any coworker a ride. If she's trying to turn other people against you by telling stories of what you've "promised" her, go to HR.
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    This Distance2614 It was truly self centered of her to expect you to taker after one ride to the bus stop! Not everyone is like that, and hopefully the rest of your coworkers will see who she really is as time goes on. If anyone says anything about it, defend yourself with, "I gave her a ride in the rain. There was no discussion about me being a taxi for her."
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    rainbowglowstixx You need to confront her and say exactly what you just said: I've never promised her anything. I gave her one ride during a storm and was just trying to be nice. I don't mind helping occasionally, but I don't want it to be assumed I'd tell your co-workers too. She's the one being an AH, not you.
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    No_Nectarine6942 I would go as far as telling management or hr about the situation since she's spreading rumors.
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    Competitive_Bad4537 NTA, don't give her a ride again. This will blow over and become someone else's problem.
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    FairyF Daydreams NTA and confront her. Tell her "Just because I gave you a ride once does not mean I promised to do it all the time. I do not know where you got your entitlement, but it ends here. Do not ask me for anything outside of work" You need to be blunt and clear
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    recreationalgluttony Your friend is wrong. You don't give in to these kinds of people to avoid drama. That's how people like that take advantage of you. This attitude makes it clear that they are drama, and there's no loss not being on the best terms with a user.
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    Candyland_83 NTA but i don't agree with your sister. You offered her a ride because you're kind. She then felt entitled because she's not a nice person. I think this is just bad luck. Don't stop being kind but take this as a lesson in boundaries.
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    JulieF75 I would completely cut her off and make it clear I wasn't giving her a ride ever. I'm an introvert. That would make me crazy. NTA
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    nonlinearlife NTA at all. You never gave any indication you would drive her, she never even asked or offered recompense for your time and gas. She sounds like she thought you were a pushover and would do it because you wanted to be nice. If anyone questions you, I'd just be like that's weird she said that, we never had an arrangement.
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    malinagurek NTA. And now she's spreading lies about you? You're squeaky clean in this. Keep your distance. Be direct with her and anyone else she's involved. She's the impolite one, not you.
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    Wintercearig12 NTA, as you said, no agreement was made. And the mall request is wild. In your circumstance | would just message her and say you didn't feel comfortable with this (with your reasons), but I also understand that it might have an impact on your office dynamic. But then again, if people question you, you can just be honest. At the end of the day, she is making assumptions.
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    BluetoothXIII NTA taking them with you on your way that is somthing completly different than driving in the opposite direction for longer than your normal drive.
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