31-year-old wife refuses to use 30% of her life savings to pay for her 36-year-old husband to go to flight school: 'It could take him 2+ years to actually get hired by an airline.'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Dec 13, 2025 8:00 PM EST

Those two years could set them up for a better life down the road.

Every relationship has different seasons regarding work and support. Sometimes, both of you are working like mad just to be able to afford to live. Other times, only one of you is working to support both of you. If one of you is working three jobs while the other goes to school, you both have the fundamental understanding that this is a temporary arrangement, and you're working towards a better future. If you expect your husband or wife to support you if you lose your job, you'd better be prepared to do the same for them. Marriage is a team sport, and if you're only willing to be a team when it's convenient to you, marriage might not be for you.

There is always a risk in quitting your job to pursue more education, hoping to get a better job. There is always a chance you won't finish school or get the job you want after graduating. At the same time, there's a risk in staying and doing the same thing you've been doing because it feels more secure. Both can be equally risky, but the former feels more dangerous because it involves taking action. 

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  • The wife in this story hesitates to support her husband's pursuit of a pilot's license, knowing it will take a couple of years of her helping him through school. Her husband offered to pay for the tuition with only his money, but after sleeping on it, he feels a bit unsupported.

  • Professional male pilot in headphones seated in his cockpit with a radio in his hand looking away
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Am I the bad guy for refusing to fund my husband's pilot training?

    My husband (36M) and I (31F) have been married for a few years. We have a 20-year mortgage and no kids. We earn roughly the same amount and have always pooled our finances 100% together.
    via u/TwoSquare9817
  • Last year, he started learning to fly and is close to getting his Private Pilot License (PPL), which I supported as a hobby. Now, he wants to take it seriously and get his Commercial Pilot License (CPL) to switch careers. He works in a related industry, so he has more knowledge than the average student pilot.
    via u/TwoSquare9817
  • A man sitting in the cockpit of a yellow plane
    via Danny B

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • But, the training cost alone would deplete about 30% of our total combined life savings. And, the training requires full commitment, meaning he would likely quit his job and have zero income for a while. This leaves me to cover the mortgage and household expenses alone(He said he'll have part time job to cover this). I know it could take 2+ years to actually get hired by an airline.
    via u/TwoSquare9817
  • I felt it was too risky to gamble such a large portion of our net worth on this uncertain path. However, I didn't want to stop him from pursuing his dream.
    via u/TwoSquare9817
  • So, I proposed that since we earn the same, we split our pooled assets 50/50. He can take his half and do whatever he wants with it (including paying for flight school), and I will keep my half for my own security.
    via u/TwoSquare9817
  • He agreed, but as soon as we started discussing the split, his attitude changed drastically. He start accusing me of being unsupportive when he needs me the most. I feel exhausted and trapped. I want him to be happy, but I also need financial security. AITAH for refusing to fund his dream with my share of the savings?
    via u/TwoSquare9817
  • A woman holding a jar with savings written on it
    via Towfiqu barbhuiya

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Audirallyracer What exactly do you mean by "your own security" when taking your portion. Are you subconsciously preparing for this to fail and you have a fall back in case you need to leave him?
    via u/Audirallyracer
  • Hungry-Job-3198 So does that mean if he becomes an airline pilot and eventually starts to earn a lot more. Does he just get to keep the additional income at that point? Because what's the point of being in a marriage where you don't support each other?
    via u/Hungry-Job-3198
  • Proof-Mongoose4530 NTA. My dad was a pilot. Grain of salt here since he did his training in the late 70s/early 80s, and I've fallen out of touch with the industry over the last decade or two. For all I know it's changed drastically. But I know my mom supported them both working full-time for a solid 5 years or so while he worked on logging flight hours (did it by getting licensed to teach and giving flying lessons, since those counted toward his hours) until he was able to be competitive for pro
    via u/Proof-Mongoose4530
  • AffectionateWay9955 Job prospects for pilots is high right now
    via u/AffectionateWay9955
  • nomad_117 NTA, not sure what the industry is like but my friend's sister and BIL spent years getting qualified, both taking on substantial debt and ended up moving to Dubai when BIL got an offer (he got an offer first and she stopped applying after they committed to the move). The agreement was that he'd make payments for both of their loans when they were in Dubai but she'd make the payments when she got a job. My friend's parents are well off so they could have loaned the money to their daught
    via u/nomad_I17
  • pmousebrown If I understand correctly, you have a certain amount of money saved that you have both contributed equally to. He needs 30% of it for school, and you will probably be the main to only bread winner for the next 2-3 years paying all the bills including the mortgage and his schooling. What you want is to have 50% of your current savings in an account in your name only for financial security while he earns his commercial pilot's license. I think this is an entirely reasonable expectation
    via u/pmousebrown
  • FreQRiDeR He can finance flight school. No need to spend your savings. Invest the savings and finance tuition.
    via u/FreQRiDeR
  • Sirregularguy Soft YTA That's my rating only because in a gender swap situation, the sisterhood would be all on him saying he's not supportive, possibly controlling and jealous when you start making more money. I'm just applying the same standard. I'm assuming this career change could increase his income and have a higher overall ceiling. Perhaps you're apprehensive about him being gone as much as he would be gone once he started his new career. I don't know what you should do, but I know that i
    via u/Sirregularguy
  • Past-Obligation 1930 My wife earned more than me for years, and we pooled everything. Then she stopped working in her industry to get a PhD, and I took over for a few years. I am pretty sure if I'd suggested what you are she'd have come back with "you want half, you get half, here's the divorce papers".
    via u/Past-Obligation1930
  • ike-d-sandau Me and my wife are currently in a similar boat, as we make equal money and split everything. If she wanted to make a jump like this, I would do everything I could to support her. When I chose to marry her, that's something that I figured may come with that. To me, there is no protecting myself. It's protecting us, and I would be plenty happy to get another job to make up the difference. But I acknowledge that's my viewpoint. In the end, do what you believe is needed for you.
    via u/ike-d-sandau

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school wife husband pilot mortgage career savings money airplane flying
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