Distant relatives demand to stay at woman's apartment when she takes 3 week work trip, gets upset when she kicks them out for trashing her home: 'I opened the door and felt my stomach drop'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Jan 10, 2026 12:00 PM EST

When your home is your sanctuary, you do not have a lot of patience for anybody who disrespects that.

There is a reason that many people hate having guests, and that is because even the nicest ones have a tendency to disrupt the peace. Many people value their homes as the one place where they can get away from it all and have everything arranged exactly how they like it. When they invite others over the threshold, these two priorities immediately become something that they cannot keep on top of.

Still, even the most uptight of homebodies sometimes allows their house to have visitors. Showing some hospitality is important if you want to maintain relationships, particularly familial ones. There is also a chance that it will make people more likely to want to return the favor in some way later. 

Nonetheless, letting somebody stay in your home always presents some level of risk, especially if it hasn't happened before. It can be even more dangerous if you aren't staying there with them, as it allows them to do whatever they please with no supervision. Even those who have a reason to stay in your good books can exploit that opportunity.

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  • a woman sits in the corner of a couch, wearing pajamas and reading a book
    via Pablo Merchán Montes (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • When house guests are not carefully vetted, what was supposed to be a period of house sitting can quickly turn into a house trashing that the homeowner has no choice but to fix if they want their place to be livable again. This is exactly what happened to one woman in her late twenties, when she agreed to let distant relatives stay at her apartment while she was away for a work trip.

    She was hesitant to agree, but her mom told her that it was the right thing to do. She gave them some basic house rules for the duration of their stay, but when she came back, it seemed to be apparent that they had not followed them. They left her apartment in a disgusting state.

    As a result, she kicked out her guests as soon as she returned from the trip. They took offence and told the rest of their family a biased version of events. Facing the heat, the host wanted to know if she had done something wrong. 

  • Am I wrong for kicking out relatives after I came back from a work trip?

    I'm a woman in my late 20s and I live alone in a small but very cozy apartment that I worked hard to afford. A few months ago I had a long work trip planned, almost three weeks, and around that time some distant relatives reached out. They were visiting the city for personal reasons and asked if they could stay at my place for a bit. We are not close, I see
    via CarolinePembroke94
  • them maybe once every couple of years at family gatherings, but my mom pushed me a little and said it would be "the right thing to do". I agreed, with very clear rules: no parties, no extra guests, clean up after yourselves, treat it like it's not yours.
    via CarolinePembroke94
  • a broom and a mop bucket sit in a doorway on a tiled floor, with a table legs and a washing basket in the room behind them
    via Lawrence Krowdeed (Unsplash+)
  • While I was away, they sent a few polite messages, thanking me again, saying everything was fine. I honestly didn't think much about it because I was busy with work and deadlines. When I finally came back home, I opened the door and instantly felt my stomach drop. The apartment smelled bad, trash bags were piled near the door, dishes were stacked in the sink like they hadn't been
    via CarolinePembroke94
  • washed for days. My couch had stains, my bathroom looked like a public restroom, and some of my personal items were moved or used without asking. One of my plants was completely dead too, which sounds stupid, but it really upset me.
    via CarolinePembroke94
  • I confronted them right away. They laughed it off at first, saying they "didn't have time" to clean yet and that I was overreacting. That really hit a nerve. I told them this wasn't what we agreed on and that I wanted them to leave. Not in a screaming way, but very firm. They got offended and said family doesn't kick family out like that. I told them family also doesn't trash someone's home. They packed up and left the same day, clearly angry.
    via CarolinePembroke94
  • After that, things got worse. Apparently they told the rest of the family their version, that I threw them out without warning, that I was cold, selfish, and cared more about my apartment than about people. Now I'm getting passive aggressive messages, some relatives stopped talking to me, and my mom says I should have handled it more gently. I feel guilty sometimes, but at the same time I feel like my boundaries were completely ignored. Am I really the jerk here?
    via CarolinePembroke94
  • a tiled kitchen counter and a sink crowded with kitchen clutter
    via Jason Leung
  • creepybuttcute Send pictures to everyone if you haven't cleaned yet.
    via creepybuttcute
  • OP CarolinePembroke94 Yeah, I wish I had. I was too overwhelmed and just started cleaning right away. I couldn't sleep or unpack with trash and smells everywhere, so fixing it felt more urgent
    via CarolinePembroke94
  • OP CarolinePembroke94 I didn't expect to come back to a mess like that and I honestly felt disrespected. Maybe I could've been calmer, but in that moment I was just done.
    via CarolinePembroke94
  • Different One265 Who cares what worthless relatives think of you? One less 14 dollar Gift card at Christmas? Block and ignore. How did they get in? Change your password and / or locks.
    via Different_One265
  • OP CarolinePembroke94 Yeah, blocking sounds tempting some days. They had my key, I never thought they'd disrespect my place this much. Definitely rethinking who gets access now...
    via CarolinePembroke94
  • CommandEmotional8389 yup. boundaries are one thing but proof keeps the family group chat honest real fast
    via CommandEmotional8389
  • sltydgx Ntj, it's your home all you did was ask them to show a little respect. I hate when people think being family means they can treat people and their belongings poorly and it is excused due to being related. I've had strangers stay with me and be more respectful than blood relatives.
    via sltydgx
  • appleblossom 1962 And then hire a cleaner to clean up the mess. Send the trashy people the bill.
    via appleblossom1962

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