17-year-old refuses to delay college, so her dad can pay for her 11-year-old cousin's private schooling: 'My dad has said it will be a struggle to fund both of us simultaneously.'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Jan 28, 2026 8:00 AM EST

She shouldn't have to put her dreams on hold for her cousin.

Life can get really expensive if you insist on sending all of your kids to private school. It doesn't always break the bank to send your kids to private high school for four years, especially when you live in a lower cost-of-living area, you don't have more than three kids, you're not paying multiple tuitions at the same time, or your kid received a scholarship. But if you are paying for school from kindergarten to 12th grade for multiple kids while already sinking a considerable chunk of your income into other living expenses, you're not going to be able to do anything but go to school and hang out at your house, unless you're really swimming in it. And that doesn't even begin to factor in the cost of college!

Parents who choose to support their kids through college sometimes do so at the expense of their own financial security. It's a good rule of thumb to save for retirement before you save for your kid's higher education, but some parents are willing to live off of ramen noodles and water for four years to ensure that their kid doesn't go into debt. A family that hasn't saved enough for college can hypothetically pay for their kid's public, in-state tuition by scrimping and saving. But if your student's annual college tuition is more than your salary, you can forget about it. High school students don't always get to attend the college they want because of their parents' financial situation. If you get no scholarships from NYU, it's probably a bad idea to attend if you're going to leave with six-figures worth of loans. But there are always options regarding financial aid, and a great student can probably get a full ride to a four-year college. It just won't be their first choice for the school they want to attend. 

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  • Portrait of smiling teenager standing by lockers in university
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • The dad in this story isn't asking his daughter to forgo college for financial reasons; he's asking her to take a gap year so he can finance his cousin's private school education. He's not forcing her to take the gap year, but he's making her choose between her own education and her cousin's. 

  • Am I the bad guy for not giving up my university plans for my cousin?

    I (17F) am an only child and I'm from a country where private universities are more reputable than public schools and a lot more expensive but my parents make enough to fund my education there so I applied for and got accepted.
    via u/porkypies098
  • I have a cousin (11F) who I'm not close with and she has had her dad walk out on her and her mom (my aunt).
    via u/porkypies098
  • A girl with glasses is posing for a picture
    via Charlie Garcia

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Again, this isn't a country where they can file for child support accessibly although they are trying to.
    via u/porkypies098
  • Now my dad (her uncle) wants to pay for her tuition (she goes to a private school as well) until they get back on their feet.
    via u/porkypies098
  • However my dad has said it will be a struggle to fund for both of us simultaneously and is insinuating that I defer my offer and take a gap year.
    via u/porkypies098
  • AITA for refusing this and going ahead with my uni plans even if it means my cousin may be pulled out of her school since he had reassured me before that he will pay for me?
    via u/porkypies098
  • Brown building with green grass field
    via Camilo Botia

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • mtngoatjoe Taking a gap year doesn't change the economics of the situation. Your parents would still need to pay for both schools after the gap year. What do they think will change between now and then to make a gap year worth the delay? Do they honestly think your aunt will magically get back on her feet by then and be able to cover the tuition herself? It sounds unlikely to me.
    via u/mtngoatjoe
  • porkypies098 Original Poster's Reply More or less, since she's in the middle of her school year and pulling her out now would mean another school wouldn't take her in and she has to repeat the year she has missed. But I get your point!
    via u/porkypies098
  • Familiar Shock_1542 Really? That sounds draconian! What country is this that the public schools refuse to educate a child who has moved or otherwise been forced to change schools?
    via u/Familiar_Shock_1542
  • porkypies098 Original Poster's Reply Colombia and I may have worded it completely wrong! By not take her in, I mean not in the middle of the school year since private and public school curriculums are not synchronized with each other so they would want her to repeat the year so she fits in with her classmates academically
    via u/porkypies098
  • SneakyRaid NAH (except for your cousin's dad, obviously) but keep your plans. I get wanting to help but they can't guarantee they'll be back on their feet in one year, and what's the plan then? You might lose your chance at a good school because of that gap year. Meanwhile, your cousin still has 7 years before college, plenty of time to get back on track even if she ends up in a public school for a while. Where is your mother in all this? If she is around, your dad shouldn't be taking unilateral
    via u/SneakyRaid
  • porkypies098 Original Poster's Reply My mum isn't happy about it in the slightest but my dad asked me to have a think about it (idk if it's an attempt to twist my arm into agreeing) but he is not forcing the decision on me and said if I'm dead set on going uni this year he will fund for it
    via u/porkypies098
  • PlanningVigilante Never sacrifice your own education for someone else. NTA.
    via u/PlanningVigilante
  • a_person1852 NTA. Your education at 17 (and about to enter adulthood) is much more important than your cousin at 11. Also your dad shouldn't even be wanting to sacrifice his own child's education for another, even if she's family.
    via u/a_person1852
  • bluesnowdrops NTA While it may sound harsh... don't put your education behind anyone else's. Who knows if you'll really get the chance after your gap year again. Or if it'll still be too expensive. Of course it's hard and I do wish for the best for your cousin as well. Is it an option for your cousin to go to a different less expensive school? Will the education be massively different? All in all... I'm afraid I'm on your side to go ahead to university. You also worked hard to get into it. :)
    via u/bluesnowdrops
  • DJ_Too_Supreme_Mk3 NTA. Ur dad shouldn't offer to pay for another child's tuition if he can't afford it
    via u/DJ_Too_Supreme_Mk3
  • Lunar-Eclipse0204 Never make a sacrifice of your education unless it's for your own child. Your father is trying to go back on his word. NTA
    via u/Lunar-Eclipse0204
  • Discount_Mithral NTA. Your family should be prioritizing your education over hers. While your father's actions are honorable in intent, they come at the expense of your education.
    via u/Discount_Mithral
  • lurninandlurkin NTA. Your aunt needs to come up with a different plan for her daughter, sacrificing your education will most likely end with you getting a lower standard education and affecting your future.
    via u/lurninandlurkin

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brother teenagers gap year private school parenting aunt dad money cousins college
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