Girlfriend secretly charges boyfriend's credit card for months, secretly takes out $500 in cash advances: 'I feel like I’m being gaslit about this'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Feb 13, 2026 10:00 PM EST

What would you do if you found out your romantic partner was stealing from you?

In a relationship, things are shared. You share time, space, and sometimes money. Even when you're first dating someone, there's a negotiation about money. Dating tends not be free, so someone has to pay for the drinks/food/activity. And you might not come to the table with the same expectations. Maybe one of you thinks that you should always go true Dutch and split things down the middle. Maybe one of you prefers to pay for everything. Either way, you're making some kind of negotiation even when you first meet each other. It only gets more complicated as you go further into a relationship. As you start to intertwine lives, you're bound to intertwine money. This is especially true if you live together. There is no one right way to do it, but you always have to be communicating. 

All good relationships are built on trust. You have to trust each other in order to accomplish anything at all. Trust can be earned over time, but it can be lost in an instant. The minute you find out that someone is lying to you, especially about something important like finances. Finances are one of the most common issues that couples argue about. It can be make or break in a relationship, and in this relationship… it looked like it might be "break." After discovering some mysterious charges on his credit card, the man in this story had some questions. 

Add as a preferred
source on Google
Advertisement
  • A girlfriend points out something on a phone to her upset boyfriend as they sit on the couch together
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Nobody wants to assume the worst of their partner, but sometimes you have no choice. You can stick your head in the sand and pretend like whatever your suspicions are isn't happening, but the truth is bound to come out at some point or another. It's best to investigate something in a clear and communicative manner when an issue arises and not let it fester too long. That's what the boyfriend in this story tried to do, but he ended up in a position that he wasn't comfortable with. Read on to see exactly what happened.

  • Am I overreacting for being upset that my girlfriend secretly used my credit card for months?

    Good morning babe, when you wake up I need to talk to you about something serious i just left the gym is everything okay?? I'm ok, so I got woken up to a call from Amex this morning for a fraud alert about some purchases on my card I had to temporarily lock my card, this is the last thing I want to deal with right now and I'm very frustrated Edited oh god that's awful, what do you need from me? can i help at all? i'm sorry babe that's so annoying especially while you're traveling Yeah, it's very
    via u/bostonmade
  • please just be honest with me, it says they were purchases for $36 at and then another $224 at Both local spots in Austin. so you're saying i did something? babe how would i be using your card if its with you? I don't know, I'm asking you directly. I dont wanna accuse you of doing anything if I don't have the full picture but from where I stand this is the onky thing that makes any sense So did you use my card at why would you automatically think it's me?! Because this already happened months ag
    via u/bostonmade
  • It wasn't like what? So you're saying you didn't try to use my card yesterday at ? Only back in September? i just didn't think it would be a big deal, i used it before to buy some of the furniture for the house like you said i could So you copied my card number and betrayed my trust, or what? I don't think you're being honest with me so are you telling me that you didn't use my card yesterday? And before you didn't take cash out from somewhere with my credit card? i didn't copy your card number,
    via u/bostonmade
  • i never got any cash out of the card idk what that's about i swear nuary 24 SH ADVANCE FEE $10.00 her nmo her Services $36.05 This isn't for that much but I certainly did not do it.. right around the time I left for Mexico. oh.. ok i see, so the card is on my Apple Pay so I must have been defaulting to yours on accident when i use Venmo to like pay my friends and stuff I'm really sorry you have to trust me here this was a mistake So was it a mistake to spend $200 at yesterday too? On my card? I
    via u/bostonmade
  • you'd been paying your card off all the same i just did t think it would hurt you as much That doesn't make it okay come on, you know i would do anything for you and if you asked for the sun I'd have climbed Everest to try and get it for you Stealing from me is not okay it wasn't ever a ton of money at a time, i ultimately planned to pay you back but i guess i do also understand why you are upset about it You cash advanced $500 in December , it's not about whether it's a lot to me but you realiz
    via u/bostonmade
  • you're acting like i'm some sort of criminal or something like please just take a deep breath i'm sorry No I'm acting like you just broke all trust I had for you. It's been so hard for me in the past few years to open up to people like I have to you and this is the exact reason why, this is exactly what I've been afraid of. i feel like you're blowing it slightly out of proportion i apologize Dont tell me how to feel about this situation. My bank locked my card and called me about possible fraud
    via u/bostonmade
  • that i was stressed, and i was scared and didn't know what i was going to do. now you are making me feel like a terrible person for that.. You're pissing me the fuck off Cut the victim shit You're not a victim if anyone is then it's me but I'm not even playing that card so be a woman and help me understand why you'd hide something like this from me instead of just talking to me? Make it make sense to me i feel like you don't trust me sometimes like the way you're interrogating me and talking to
    via u/bostonmade
  • I always put you first How the hell am I holding money over your head i told you i was sorry, and I don't know what else you want from me at this point I feel like I want you to understand why it's a big deal to me, and why I'm so hurt. If you don't get it then you just don't get it, but I wanna be frank with you and let you know I'm reconsidering this whole thing. I have a few more days here and I don't wanna be consumed with this while I try to enjoy the rest of my trip with my friends. I've g
    via u/bostonmade
  • I (Mid 20s M) have been dating my girlfriend for just under 2 years. I currently make a very decent amount of money and she knows this. I'm also very on top of my finances and credit and stuff, she maybe not so much. I typically pay my credit card down to O regardless of the balance every month, in December i was traveling and doing some budgeting so i just happened to check my statement.
    via u/bostonmade
  • I noticed just a handful of charges that I didn't recognize, some shopping online, random stores and shit, and even some cash advance transactions which I get charged a fee for not a big deal in and of itself but I'd figured my card had just been compromised. Reported the charges, got a new card, and proceeded carefully with my card info going forward. I did not accuse anyone and just chalked it up to bad luck.
    via u/bostonmade
  • Fast forward a few months, my friends and I planned this trip to Mexico for about 2 weeks here at the end of January/beginning of February. Before traveling here I told my cc company I would be out of the country so there was no problems with purchasing things here etc. they called me and told me they had flagged some charges and wanted to know if I was back from my vacation. I am not back yet.
    via u/bostonmade
  • I started putting 2 and 2 together and came to the realization that it could only be my girlfriend and I'm really crushed right now. about this. I confronted her and these are the messages. I feel like I'm being gaslit about this. I really just don't wanna see her because I'm so angry and don't want her to be at my house when I get back but I understand she lives there and I can't just kick her out... Am I overreacting?
    via u/bostonmade

  • Commenters agreed that this was a huge breach of trust.

    profmoxie NOR -- The way my eyes opened WIDE when she said she added your card to her Apple Wallet! And first she didn't know anything about the charges, then said they were a mistake bc Apple Wallet defaulted to the wrong payment method, and then said she thought you wouldn't mind? Idk about the rest of y'all's relationship, but I would really have a hard time trusting her, too.
    via u/profmoxie
  • A boyfriend and a girlfriend argue on the couch together
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • brown331692 The lying - then excuse for doing it was bad enough. Then the playing the victim part was the icing on the cake. NOR. Those are all the incorrect reactions for her to make. She's not sorry, she's sorry she got caught.
    via u/brown331692
  • Even Budget2078 NOR "Wait me? What do you mean?" Damn, girl really tried to brazen it out there for a minute. This is a massive violation of trust, using your card, lying about it, and then trying to play victim at the end of your exchange. I hate to say this, but I really think you are being taken advantage of here. I would seriously reconsider this relationship if I were you. Also, thank goodness you pay off your balance in full. A cash advance from a credit card!??! Girlfriend could have seri
    via u/Even_Budget2078
  • justtirediguess11 NOR. She stole from you. Plain and simple. I wouldn't continue the relationship.
    via u/justtirediguess11
  • Consistent_Elk_8702 She was fully prepared to let you think your card was just compromised again with her, "Oh that sucks, babe," until you confronted her. She is taking advantage of your generosity and financial stability/responsibility, and will continue to do so as long as you stay with her.
    via u/Consistent_Elk_8702
  • Accurate-Figure-2742 This is grounds for a breakup. No way. NOR. She knows what she did is wrong you can see it in her responses from the fake confusion, to the gas lighting, and multiple apologies. She's sorry cuz she got caught babe. Find a new girlfriend- she did it once and she will do it again.
    via u/Accurate-Figure-2742
  • Bluethorn0110 "I feel like I'm being punished" yeah no shit lady
    via u/Bluethorn0110
  • MembershipScary 1737 I can't believe she still didn't offer to pay you back...
    via u/MembershipScary1737
  • [deleted] NOR. It's small now, but it will be MUCH bigger of a problem later, in all areas. She wants what she wants, and she is willing to use you and betray your trust to get it.
    via u/[deleted]
  • SpringerPop DARVO Deflect Attack Reverse Victim and Offender
    via u/SpringerPop

Want More? Follow Us and Add Us as a Preferred Source on Google.

Tags

boyfriend credit card dating nightmares girlfriend girls scam money dating
Scroll Down For The Next Article