Stay-at-home mom spends money she earned cleaning to buy stuffed animals, only for husband to demand she only use it for bills: ‘You don't contribute anything’

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  • Stay-at-home mom working on her laptop
  • AITA for spending money on stuffed animals instead of bills?

    To start with, I'm a SAHM. I quit my dream job to care for the kids as childcare was expensive and my husband didn't want us to pay for it and said I'd have to find something else to do with the kids.
  • I started cleaning and organizing family members homes recently for spare money since I could take the younger kids with me while the older are in school.
  • I'm not making much, around $200 a month. All our bills are already paid for, with a decent amount of money left after groceries/necessities so I figured I'd use it for myself since I don't normally get to get myself anything.
  • I use it towards specific stuffed animals I've really been wanting for a while mostly, with some going towards getting lunch with my friend or going for coffee, or sometimes stuff for the kids or valentines day i - got my husband a gift.
  • However, my husband got mad at me when he noticed I kept buying stuff, and when I said I only was using the money I had made, he said that's not any better and that if I have money I should be using it to pay bills, not on stupid stuff.
  • I didn't really have any counter to that as it's true I'm not contributing at all, I just wanted to finally get to go out if I wanted to and buy stuff I like.
  • I also thought there was no need to since I didn't feel my little bit of money would do anything for us financially.
  • Busy Mom Balancing Household Chores with Childcare
  • So, aita? Or is it reasonable to keep it for myself? Or should I pay one of the small bills ($150ish range) and just keep $50ish or so for myself each month?
  • CherylRoseZ So is your husband also not allowed to buy things for himself with his money?
  • plushieloveraita Original Poster's Reply No, its his money so he uses it on whatever he wants
  • the_greengrace >as childcare was expensive and my husband didn't want us to pay for it Tell him again how you aren't contributing financially. Not only are you contributing the equivalent of a monthly childcare bill- so hundreds if not thousands of dollars every month- but you also sacrificed your dream job so your family (husband) could live the life they want. Tell him to stuff it. NTA.
  • Migistat If he made you quit your job to be the breadwinner but needs the $200 you make a month for help he should evaluate his lack of ability to win the bread. You're not doing "nothing." You're taking on the childcare that was too expensive to pay for. That job doesn't lose its value simply because you aren't being paid. Use your money for what you want and tell him if he doesn't like it, you can go back to your dream job so you have money to do both.
  • nobody833 How much money does he get to spend on himself every month? Are you able to use his pay check for anything on yourself? Or are you trying to make extra so you have money to spend since he doesn't allow you to spend anything? If he doesn't spend anything on himself or treat himself to anything (including going out to lunch, etc) then maybe he has a point. Otherwise this sounds like financial ab e.
  • plushieloveraita Original Poster's Reply As much as he wants I guess? It varies based on what he wants but there's around 2k a month in spending money. I am not allowed to use any unless I ask and he approves.
  • annedroiid INFO: Do you have other money you can spend on wants? Does your husband get money to spend on wants? Is there a risk of bills not being paid? As a general concept it's good for both spouses to have a bit of fun money, regardless of whether you're working inside the home (parenting) or out of the home, but if only one of you is getting fun money then that is a big problem.
  • plushieloveraita Original Poster's Reply I'm not normally allowed to touch the money, he spends freely. We have roughly 2k after bills and necessities.
  • No-Look5408 "Decent amount of money left for groceries and necessities" does not mean extra for saving/investing/spending/education funds etc" INFO: When you say all your bills are taken care of: does that include a set amount monthly into savings, retirement funds, education funds for kids? Does he spend "fun" spending money on himself and if so, how much each month or week? I'm wondering if there is financial stress here on his part in that there may be savings goals that you are not both on t
  • plushieloveraita Original Poster's Reply 2k is left roughly monthly after everything needed. He spends freely and puts most of whats left of it into savings. College funds are already accounted for, and I did technically contribute to them.
  • Pac_Eddy Talk to him about each other's free spending. Set limits. You need some too.
  • plushieloveraita Original Poster's Reply I've tried to before. He said there's nothing to talk about, that he makes a lot of money and I don't contribute anything, so I shouldn't expect to use any on stupid stuff.
  • ReadTeach Travel NTA. Please, PLEASE get rid of the notion that you're not contributing anything at all. Being a SAHM IS a job, and it's saving your family childcare costs, plus I'm guessing you keep up the house, cook meals, etc. Does your husband spend money on you? Does your husband spend any of the money he makes on himself? If the answers are no and yes, in that order, then you need to have a serious conversation with your husband.
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