Expecting father shuts down naming baby after wife's 22-year-old sister, calls her a spoiled brat: 'I don’t want our daughter to be anything like her'

Is it wrong to not want to name your daughter after a family member you're not particularly fond of? When you're having a child, you get to decide the name. If you and your partner agree on it, then that's all that should matter. Maybe you choose one that will honor someone you love, or keep a family tradition going. But nobody should be able to strong-arm you into naming your baby something in particular. A name is not a small thing. You will be saying it every day for a long time. Sure, it will bend to suit them, but you need to be confident in the name itself, or else you'll feel a little bit weird forever. But names are not a neutral thing. A lot of feelings can come up around them, and thus a lot of conflict. 

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  • A pregnant woman in a pink dress holds her belly with her husband
    via Patty Brito

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Am I in the wrong for being blunt and saying I will never name our child after wife's sister since she is a spoiled brat?

    My wife and I are expecting our daughter in a few months. My wife, I will call her Nora, has a younger sister, Rebecca that everyone in that family is overprotective of. I am not a fan of Rebecca, I find her to be a spoiled brat that will cry to mom every time she doesn't get her own way. I find her overall to be r de and entitled. Nora family baby's her, and tbh at 22 she should not be throwing a fit about not getting what she wants.
    via Sensitive_Mode_4255
  • One example of this is she had a mini meltdown at our wedding becuase her shoes were the wrong color. Not even by a lot, it was just a different shade of white. You couldn't even see the shoes since the bridesmaid dress was long. So about 30 mins before we were going to get married she was crying and everyone had to comfort her.
    via Sensitive_Mode_4255
  • Anyways, we got dinner with my wife's family this weekend, and during dinner Rebecca said it would be nice to have a niece names after her. I shrugged it off and the dinner went on like normal. When we got home my wife sat me down and told me she wanted to name our daughter after her sister. That she brought up how much it would mean to her sister. I told her no.
    via Sensitive_Mode_4255
  • We have a two yes rule to names. Nora texted her and told her no. That's were everything got bad. It started with my wife getting texts about changing her mind from her family and when she stuck to the decision they got r de about it.
    via Sensitive_Mode_4255
  • I started to receive texts and it ended with me getting call from my MIL and Rebecca. I told both of them no multiple times and it just started asking why over and over again. At that point I snapped and told both of them that I would never name our daughter after her. That she is spoiled brat and I don't want our daughter to be anything like her. That's this is literally an example of it.
    via Sensitive_Mode_4255
  • I hung up, my wife says I should apologize but she agrees they were being a lot. I still been getting texts about how Rebecca has been crying since the conversation. Her family sees me as a huge and are still on my case. My wife is on my side but she does want me to smooth things over. I really don't want to and think they need to change
    via Sensitive_Mode_4255

  • That's what happened to this couple, who were caught in a tough situation when it came to naming their child. Like most couples, they wanted to agree on it and come to a good conclusion. But their family (or rather her family) was making that pretty difficult. Having a child named after you is a big honor, and you don't want to take that lightly. It's also something that you can't really ask for. If it's going to happen, it has to happen to you, not because you requested it. That would just be tacky. But that didn't stop the sister in this story. 

  • A young woman holds her head in her hands
    via engin akyurt

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Commenters gave their two cents on the story.

    SunChaserDisc Dyes NTA. not naming your daughter after her 22 year old aunt would be perfectly reasonable even if she was a saint in every way, and furthermore, your wife needs to be the one to set her family straight and smooth things over, not you.
    via SunChaserDiscDyes
  • Own_Eye2543 You don't gang up on, harass, beg or even ASK a couple to name THEIR baby a certain name. Your wife probably doesn't know how weird this is, given her upbringing. NTA
    via Own_Eye2543
  • Acceptable_Bunc... NTA, am chuckling to myself because Rebecca's life is about to change when this baby becomes the new favourite kid. Really lean into that!
    via Acceptable_Bunch_586
  • bishopredline Welcome to the club. No matter what you do OP your wife and her family will always see you as a jack a because you won't cave to the bratty. Been there done this. So if you are always , you going to be the jack a might as well get your way
    via bishopredline
  • Intelligent-Deal24... Say you do name the child Rebecca. What happens wit the SIL isn't the center of attention and everyone is fawning over the new Rebecca. This will not end and it would not be healthy for your child. NTA.
    via Intelligent-Deal2449
  • _JFKFC_ NTA in any way, shape or form. Rebecca has the emotional regulation of a toddler and your in-laws are stupid for pandering to her.
    via _JFKFC_
  • Ok-Arachnid-890 NTA everyone is spoiling that sister in law of yours and she's become a little monster I would rather have little to no association at all with her
    via Ok-Arachnid-890
  • bergermommie15 No is a sentence Asked and answered If she wants a baby named after her tell her to use her own uterus
    via bergermommie15
  • jmactruck72 Definitely NTA first off why would you even name a baby after someone who's still alive that's kinda dumb. Second no one cares how Rebecca feels you want a kid named after you, have a baby. Third stick to your decision if you fold on this
    via jmactruck72
  • you'll literally never be able to stand up against that family on anything they'll get over it eventually or they won't and they just won't see your daughter.
    via jmactruck72
  • Ok-Brother8545 NTA! You deserve to not be reminded of her every time you look at your own kid. Best of luck!
    via Ok-Brother8545
  • RoyallyOakie NTA...What you name YOUR child is none of their business. Your wife is also letting you be the bad guy here even though she agreed to the two yes rule. You don't need to smooth things over. They need to back off.
    via RoyallyOakie

  • Nobody wants their child to grow up in someone else's shadow. Especially if that person is not a good influence, and that starts with the name. Shared names, especially in the same family, give some sense of connection. There will be an association there for the rest of your life, even if you don't want there to be. The father-to-be in this story didn't want his daughter to be named after someone he didn't respect. The idea of it, and the way everyone responded to it, made him so upset that he said some things that he might have regretted. Keep reading to see what happened here and see what you think.

  • PurpleMuskogee NTA. What kind of person requests a child be named after them?? And since when is the extended family involved in the name choice?? With all the babies born in my family, we all found out the name after the birth and when the paperwork was done, no one had a say but the parents.
    via PurpleMuskogee
  • OniyaMCD This is one of those situations where I wish there was a 'Justified' verdict. Baby names are a 'two yes, one no' situation (which I think is what you meant to type.) You and your wife are naming a whole new person, and that name is one that all three of you will have to live with for some time.
    via OniyaMCD
  • No one else should be deciding on your kid's name. SIL is indeed spoiled if she's demanding that *your* daughter gets named after *her*. Maybe you could have been more tactful, but I don't think it would have gotten through. (Heck, I'm not sure it's getting through *now*.)
    via OniyaMCD
  • You and your wife should sit down, decide on a name, and stick to it. If SIL makes a fuss, say 'Our daughter's name is going to be [whatever]. End of story.'
    via OniyaMCD
  • Skwuat The fact that the MIL and Sister in law texted and then called you to hound you about it is insane to me. Ita weird enough to bring it up in person even once, but to think "hey, maybe he didnt get the message that we're not asking and we're
    via Skwuat
  • demanding. We should follow up and call him" is wild. You are absolutely NTA. They are very r de, nervy, and quite honestly, I do not envy you for marrying into that. Ive seen these things before. Firat it starts with the name, then a few years down the line the MIL or SIL "fall on hard times"
    via Skwuat
  • and your wife is going to start hounding you to give them money, then possibly housing them, etc etc. I hope it all worka out for you in the end, but this is a huge RED flag, especially the follow up texts and calls.
    via Skwuat
  • No-Fishing5325 NTA but wow. Who ask you to name your kid after them. That is nuts. Stick to your guns
    via No-Fishing5325
  • Classic-Wafer-7838 NTA. So what if Rebecca's crying? She's always crying by the sound of it. Hopefully this behaviour is also reinforcing to your wife why this isn't someone you want to name your daughter after. I also just think it's a bit weird to name kids after living people - what if Rebecca ends up committing some heinous crime in the future?
    via Classic-Wafer-7838

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