35-year-old agrees to officiate her 29-year-old sister's 3rd wedding even though she thinks they're rushing it, family drama ensues but big sister still has her little sister's back: ‘My job is to be supportive.'

Author image for Elna McHilderson
Elna McHilderson • Managing Editor
Apr 5, 2026 10:00 AM EDT

Being an older sibling means standing up for your younger ones, even if they're making mistakes. Everybody has to make their own mistakes in order to learn from them. It's a sibling's job to just be there when they need you. 

When this little sister decided to do a surprise wedding for her third marriage, her older sister advised her against it. She has children and as only recently started seeing this man that she wants to marry. She claims it just "feels different" this time, so she's marrying him no matter what. So, the older sister had a decision to make. Alienate her little sister and shame her for her mistake, or tell her how you feel, but still be supportive. Of course, she let her know this was a bad idea, but if she is going to do it no matter what, she will support her. So now she is roped in to not only being the only family member who knows about this wedding, but she is also now the officiant. It doesn't help that the little sister is surprising everyone at a family dinner for her 30th birthday, where she will be switching up partying plans and turning them into wedding plans. 

So, her family will be going to, what they think, is a birthday party, only to be then sideswiped with the fact that they are at this woman's wedding for her third marriage… 

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  • Young happy couple getting married in the woods, smiling at each other
    via Unsplash+ (A.C.)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.
    Young happy couple getting married in the woods, smiling at each other

  • "So my sister is having her wedding on the 1st of April...and I'm the only one that knows."

    so the title us pretty explanatory, but this is still gonna be a super long post so i can get everything of my mind as I can't really talk to anyone about this.
    via Usual-Arugula1317
  • So a month and a half ago my(35f) youngest sister(29f) called me and asked for a favor...
    via Usual-Arugula1317
  • to get ordained and preform her wedding on her birthday April 1st- now I want to say that for a multitude of reasons I think this is a bad idea and as I - fantastic and supportive sister I agreed after telling her this was a bad idea.
    via Usual-Arugula1317
  • Now to explain why I think this is going to go horribly and what is going to cause Family drama.
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  • So this will be my sister 2nd marriage and only her third serious relationship. Her first marriage was straight out of high school at 18 to the boy she'd been dating for three years (she had big plans that never materialized) and after a couple years they had my nephew (now 9) but the marriage fell apart due to many reasons the biggest being and affair with his best friend which was discovered when her former husband (Further known as A) found them together on a picnic table in the local park on
    via Usual-Arugula1317
  • Needless to say they separated after that. Shortly after my sister found out she was pregnant with my niece (now 6) which is said to be the kid of her AP/2nd Relationship Partner (B) they went on to get a house together and plan a future as Iwell as have another child together (nephew, now age. 3).
    via Usual-Arugula1317
  • Unfortunately around that same time A left this world far to soon and very unexpectedly. B really stepped up as a father to my oldest nephew at the time and by the time my youngest nephew was 2 my sister had convinced B to propose and they had been planning to get married August 2025, but B liked to talk to other girls over the internet and sent them gifts and money (he never actually meet any of them in person but still cheated - how shocking from someone that slept with his best friend's wife
    via Usual-Arugula1317
  • So in like May of 2025 my sister left him and moved out with the kids.
    via Usual-Arugula1317
  • My sister then had a couple rebound relationships none lasting more that a couple weeks until she started dating a coworker of hers in Late September/Early October 2025 (known now as C).
    via Usual-Arugula1317
  • By mid-November 2025 C was living with my sister and the kids full time. This upset B (who had been working easily with my sister with child care until this time so neither of them needed to really do the custody battle thing,) and he started to make custody and things difficult but not hostile in anyway leading to court get dragged in.
    via Usual-Arugula1317
  • Woman looking at her phone, shocked, with her hand covering her mouth
    via Unsplash+ (Karolina Grabowska)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.
    Woman looking at her phone, shocked, with her hand covering her mouth

  • Needless to say we all though my sister was moving way to fast with her relationship with C and I told I thought this wedding was way to fast and probably a bad idea, but she insists that her and C just click and "feel right".
    via Usual-Arugula1317
  • So her life her choice and now I'm ordained and going to perform their Wedding on April Fool's.
    via Usual-Arugula1317
  • Now for the family drama that shall be insuing. Like I said at the beginning I'm the only family member that knows about the wedding (on both sides, though there are a couple people who think C is going to propose on the 1st (aka my sister's 30th birthday).
    via Usual-Arugula1317
  • now my Father was not invited to my sister's first wedding as they weren't talking because he and my stepmother skipped her hs graduation (as they showed up at the last minute and were gonna have to shuttle from the overflow lot) and the little contact they had from her moving in with our bio-mom at 14 went to no contact until she was pregnant with her first kid.
    via Usual-Arugula1317
  • It should also be noted out father is an ordained minister and has preformed several weddings and other ceremonies, so we think he maybe upset at "just giving her away" and having me to the wedding ceremony (which I have planned the he'll out of, and spend way to much money to be able to do).
    via Usual-Arugula1317
  • Our stepmother has to be the center of attention for everything (even longer story than this on), and who knows how everyone else is going to respond when the dinner (hosted at C's parents house) turns out to be a wedding.
    via Usual-Arugula1317
  • Not gonna lie, I'm kinda worried about the backlash I'm gonna get for helping/participating in the not so funny April Fool's shenanigan.
    via Usual-Arugula1317
  • Note: this is not a shotgun wedding my sister took care of that after her third kid.
    via Usual-Arugula1317
  • Also for those want to know C is 27m.
    via Usual-Arugula1317
  • Beautiful professional wedding cake on a decorated table with sweets and baked goods
    via Unsplash+ (Anita Austvika)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.
    Beautiful professional wedding cake on a decorated table with sweets and baked goods

  • Ahhh, yes, the ups and downs of being a good sibling. You don't get to choose your siblings, but you love them no matter what. As a little sister, I have always said that there is nobody who can talk to someone the way siblings can talk to each other. Oh, sure, I think my brother can be annoying and entitled, but the second someone else says that to him, OH NO YOU DIDN'T. And if someone else tries to tell him that, he will roll his eyes. But if I tell him that, you better believe I'm going to sit him down and grill him until he gets it. Nobody else is allowed to do that.

    As you can see here, this sister knows the family is going to freak out and not in a good way. She's not only helping her sister set up a surprise wedding, she mentally preparing for the emotional gymnastics she's going to have to battle because of this event. It's a beautiful sibling bond, but dang girl, this little sister needs to take a good long look in the mirror… And only the big sister can tell her that!

  • Merci01 I would do it because she asked you to. And if your family tries to scapegoat you for it, I would prepare a response that shuts it down. Something like: "She asked me to officiate and she asked me to keep it quiet. As you can imagine that put me in a tough spot. But It's not my place to judge her or her choices. My job is to be supportive. So that's what I did. You coming at me, when you're really upset with her, is not fair to me or productive for anyone. So I am going to respectfully b
    via Merci01
  • KnackeredQuokka Maybe the entire thing is an April Fools joke on you! Sorta seems like this would be the best scenario.
    via KnackeredQuokka
  • OP Usual-Arugula 1317 It's not, seen all the paperwork It's all legit and legal
    via Usual-Arugula1317
  • CuddlyClubCEO Idk how to feel about this. I can't tell if you support her or not. Do you think c is a bad guy? How do you feel about their relationship? I understand her wanting to be committed with someone after she had two children with a guy who wouldn't. I'd suggest only being the officiant if you actually support your sister. Best of luck to you!
    via CuddlyClubCEO
  • OP Usual-Arugula 1317 I am supportive of my all my siblings (even when I think they're being dumb, as the oldest I'm very judge-y) and C seems to be a good guy and gets along with the kids and our family well. Mostly I just think they are rushing it; as my sister has always thought marriage is part of "adulting" I can't say I'm shocked.
    via Usual-Arugula1317
  • NixKlappt-Reddit I am wondering, why they are in such a hurry to marry. Questions like: - Are they planning more kids? - How are they doing financially? - Do the kids like him? - Is C a nice guy? - Does he really know all her history? But in the end, you can't stop them. But as a sister, she might explan you why another marriage is so important to her.
    via NixKlappt-Reddit
  • OP Usual-Arugula 1317 There are no plans for future kids, they aren't well off but aren't struggling financially, the kids think C is awesome, C is a really nice guy (kinda nerdy, but down to earth for the most part), and as I understand it he does know my sister's history.
    via Usual-Arugula1317
  • teo1234567891 Is there a chance that this is an elaborate April fool's prank? Terrible prank but idk your sister doesn't always seem to make the best decisions
    via teo1234567891
  • OP Usual-Arugula 1317 The only prank in this scheme is that both families think it's just a birthday dinner.
    via Usual-Arugula1317
  • tu-BROOKE-ulosis I would not want to touch that with a 10 foot pole. I'd just talk to her about it tell her that you absolutely love and support her. But you're just not prepared to mentally take on the family backlash that will be directed at you. You're happy to act as a witness, you will help her find a new officiant, but it's just not fair. to ask you to knowingly be the subject of family backlash.
    via tu-BROOKE-ulosis
  • Trick_Delivery4609 Double check that C isn't on a Megan's law lookup website. Dudes who marry single moms too quickly raise my alarms. Check in with the kids regularly to make sure they are ok. Be a part of your sister's life so you can help her pick up the pieces after this next marriage crashes and burns too. ΝΤΑ
    via Trick_Delivery4609

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bride marriage groom officiant supportive siblings wife husband wedding family little sister big sister
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