Rich family demand poorer sibling pitches in $1500 for mom's 70th birthday vacation, get offended when he refuses: 'They have to meet us at our level'

Author image for Ally Perry
Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Apr 18, 2026 7:45 PM EDT

Is it fair for family members to expect thousands of dollars from each other on a whim?

One of the more awkward parts of being part of a family as an adult is that it is likely that there are going to be some differences in everybody's financial situation. Maybe somebody has fallen on hard times, or simply chose a career path that is not as well paid as other relatives. It is a pattern that exists in a lot of families.

When these kinds of discrepancies exist, it is only fair to adjust the expectations of what people can contribute financially. Nobody likes a person who chooses to be stingy with their supposed loved ones, but at the same time, it is unfair to expect that those who do not have that much money should be able to splash out all the time.

Depending on the situation, both richer and poorer relatives can face uncomfortable scenarios that are the result of their finances. For differing reasons, they can find that other people expect too much of them. There are plenty of ways for an individual to show that they care for their family other than money, but cold hard cash is often the preferred option.

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  • A man and a woman sit together in a living room, going over papers with an open laptop in front of them
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    A man and a woman sit together in a living room, going over papers with an open laptop in front of them

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • One man and his spouse were feeling the pressure, as they struggled to keep up with the expenses of spending time with their substantially richer families. Their relatives often had pricey restaurant meals or went on expensive holidays, expecting them to join in and pay their way as well.

    This issue came to a head when the man's siblings began to plan an elaborate party for their mother's 70th birthday. His sister asked that he contribute $1500 to the celebrations, as well as pay for travel to the location. 

    He declined, telling her that he and his spouse were unable to afford it. His sister accused him of being unfair, and he wanted to know if that was true.

  • Am I wrong for telling my family that if they want us to do more with them, they have to meet us at our level?

    My family and spouse's family are both in CO. We are both academics. Combined our income is about 110k/year, our families make a lot more. We are both happy with our lives. No, we cannot afford vacations, our home is small, etc but we live comfortably.
    via ReallyAverageGuyOkay
  • The problem is with our families, I think particularly mine, not understanding that we just do not have extra money. They want ski weeks where we all pitch in for a rental, long overseas vacations, restaurant dinners, shopping, etc. We just always tell them that we'll try to join them another time or offer to have them over to the backyard.
    via ReallyAverageGuyOKay
  • My mom's 70th birthday is in the fall, and my siblings have been planning a big to-do involving a rental property. When I asked how we could help, they gave us a total over $1500 for what we'd have to pitch in on top of travel fees for ourselves. I told them that we could not afford that but that we could
    via ReallyAverageGuyOkay
  • help with other things. My sister got annoyed. She said "Well I don't know what you expect me to say, you guys always do this. You guys don't want to do anything unless it's on your terms."
    via ReallyAverageGuyOkay
  • I said that I was sorry, but we don't make the kind of money they do, and if they want us to be involved in things like this, they have to meet us at our level. We can pick up some organizational duties, setup, etc. She said that would be stupid because they are "obviously" hiring people for the event, hence the cost.
    via ReallyAverageGuyOkay
  • Then she said that they shouldn't have to cut back on things they want that they earned just because we can't, and that it's not fair to them or their kids to miss out. I said that I don't want anyone to miss out on anything, but it would be nice to be able to join the family for things. She said "then get a better job, I don't know what to tell you. You made that choice and you're making it our problem."
    via ReallyAverageGuyOkay
  • I feel so at a loss for this. When I called my mom to say we couldn't come, she just said things like "Really?" "Are you sure?" "$1500 is really that big of an issue for you?" like she couldn't believe it.
    via ReallyAverageGuyOkay
  • I'm at a loss. It feels like I'm being left behind by my own family. Was I out of line to ask them to try to meet us at our level?
    via ReallyAverageGuyOkay
  • Important context I have been asked for: Yes, we have had family over to our home and tried to plan things. Nothing as elaborate as this party for my mom. My family has made it very clear that they do not like doing things at our house because it is too small for everyone to enjoy themselves, which is in fact true.
    via ReallyAverageGuyOkay
  • Five adults and two young children in a family pose together on a sunny beach
    via Hoi An Photographer Fernandes Photographer

    Five adults and two young children in a family pose together on a sunny beach

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • DoltForTheTea if i had their kinda money and liked my siblings, and they didn't earn that kinda money, I'd 100% cover their costs so that they could join us. I'd do it for friends (and have had it done for me). don't understand this attitude at all. it's just money. tim with family (if you like em) is worth so much more
    via DoltForTheTea
  • Glittering-Tap-5173 NTA, $1500 is kinda a lot to say someone has to contribute, and that is coming from someone who has a household income of $190k. Also some of the comments from your family were uncalled for.
    via Glittering-Tap-5173
  • Pickle_Holiday18 NTA It would be one thing if you were welcome to fancy events where you didn't have to contribute financially. You know, as if they
    via Pickle_Holiday18
  • liked you and wanted to spend time with you despite financial differences. But to tell you to get a different job? So....they can be happy? No. They're self-centered and lack empathy and don't seem to like you if you come without money. I'm sorry.
    via Pickle_Holiday18
  • unexpectedstorytime NTA. If it really isn't that much money, they would just offer to cover it. So either they're saying it isn't much to guilt you even though it's a lot of money for them, or they really believe it's a trivial amount of money and refuse to cover it because they're greedy
    via unexpectedstorytime
  • ah_les. Like, if your mom wants you there and she's wealthy, why wouldn't she? For many wealthy people, 1,500 is like us paying $150 for a hotel so we can see family. If money isn't a big deal, they wouldn't be so precious about spending it.
    via unexpectedstorytime
  • TheMotelYear Getting real "It's one banana Michael, what could it cost? Ten dollars??" vibes from your family. NTA
    via TheMotelYear
  • Jeroclo ΝΤΑ Your finances are the most important thing. You don't need to put yourself in debt because your family want that.
    via Jeroclo
  • ElleWinter NTA You are being responsible. It's ok to decline to participate.
    via ElleWinter
  • Intrepid_Boat NTA. Frankly, this makes me grateful to have been raised middle-class, back when such a thing truly existed in America. It's hard for me to understand this kind of snobbery.
    via Intrepid_Boat
  • Logical_Wait2708 NTA but your sister sure is! Well- off people don't understand that $1,500 is a lot of money to most, but that response shows a staggering lack of empathy. Which seems to be a common attribute for people with larger-than- average wealth, unfortunately. I'm sorry your mom doesn't understand, either.
    via Logical_Wait2708
  • delicateredscrunchie WOW, your family is a bunch of ah_les. Never thought I'd be grateful to be broke around fellow broke people, but at least no one would get mad at me for saying I couldn't afford an impromptu $1500 charge. NTA
    via delicatedscrunchie

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family drama birthday family sister rich people mom money entitled people
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