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01
Surely You Remember What Happened to Joffrey This Season
After Joffrey was poisoned at his own wedding (well played, poisoner), Tyrion was put on trial for his murder, even though he clearly didn't do it. Tyrion took the whole thing in stride*
(*okay, so it didn't look exactly like this on the show)
until Shae betrayed him and he ran out of f**ks to give. Tyrion demanded a trial by combat in one of the best scenes in the whole show so far. His champion, the supremely sexy Prince Oberyn Martell of Dorne very nearly won that trial, but got a little too cocky and ended up with is head smashed like a grape (not pictured because nobody needs to re-live that). At least he managed to mortally wound the other guy in the process.
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02
After He's Sentenced to Death, Tyrion Makes a Great Escape With the Help of Varys and Jaime
But before he does so, he helps his father... shall we say, escape from his earthly tether by shooting him in the gut with a crossbow while the poor old goat was on the privy. He also strangles Shae before escaping hidden on a mystery boat with Varys. -
03
Nothing to do here! -
04
Meanwhile, Sansa Stark Escaped King's Landing After Joffrey Was Murdered
She was taken to the Eyrie by Petyr Baelish (aka Littlefinger) where she takes on the moniker of Alayne Stone, bastard daughter of Lord Baelish. Through the power of deception and marriage, Littlefinger becomes the Lord Protector of the Vale, and murders his wife (who happens to be Sansa's aunt) with a truly gratifying shove through the moon door:
Poor Lysa Arryn learned a very important lesson that day.
When Littlefinger is questioned about his wife's death, Sansa lies for him saying Lysa threw herself from the moon door out of jealousy. Sansa/Alayne finds herself some new found confidence and assumes the role of Dark Sansa, straight out of Hot Topic.
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05
Jaime Sent Brienne Off in Search of the Sansa
But instead of locating Sansa, Brienne finds Arya and the Hound en route from the Eyrie. She has an epic and terrible battle with the Hound that ends in his demise*, but Arya escapes and secures passage on a ship to Braavos using the coin she got from Jaqen H'ghar way back in season 2.
*The Hound's death not guaranteed. Remember, if we don't see someone die on screen, never assume they're definitely dead. -
06
Danerys Spent the Season Trying to Learn to be a Queen in Mereen
But after her dragons started eating people, she realized she couldn't control them (duh, Dany), and was forced to lock them up.
If only she had been able to get a copy of this:
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07
Jon Snow and the Night's Watch Had One Hell of a Battle With the Wildlings
There were huge mammoths
and a terrible loss
but our boys in black came out on top.
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08
Though Honestly They Would Have Been Screwed Without Stannis the Mannis
He showed up just in the nick of time to save the day after having spent most of the season burning human sacrifices and getting a loan from the Bank of Braavos (all in a day's work!).
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09
Theon, Now Reek, Continued to Suffer at the Hands of Ramsay Snow
After thoroughly destroying Theon inside and out and turning him into Reek, Ramsay uses Theon to gain legitimacy. Ramsay convinces Reek to enter an ironborn keep as Theon and convince them to surrender. Once the ironborn agree to surrender, Ramsay slaughters them and is rewarded with legitimacy by his father.
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10
With the Help of Hodor and the Reeds, Bran Finally Made it Past the Wall
We lost Jojen, but Meera, Hodor, and Bran all made it to a cave with one of the Children of the Forest.
Rumor has it Bran won't be in season 5, so this is probably the last we'll see of him for a while.
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