Teen refuses to give up room for grandparents when they're in town, family calls them out: 'I love my grandma very much but I don’t want it to cost my own comfort'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
May 26, 2026 4:30 PM EDT

Would you give up your room for a loved one?

This is one of those things that we have to do sometimes, even when we don't want to. The person in this story shared their experience with this on the AITAH subreddit, where commenters weighed in to give them advice about their dilemma. Sometimes, when you have family come to visit, you have to make sacrifices for them, even if you don't want to. This is especially true when you're a kid. You don't get the ultimate say in your home. Your parents do. If you're living under their roof, you probably want to abide by their rules. That's sort of the way it works, until you're independent enough to live on your own, and then you get to make the calls. 

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  • An upset teenage girl sits on the floor by her bed
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Am I in the wrong for not wanting my grandma to stay in my room while she's visiting?

    For context, my grandma came to visit my home while I was in my dorm at college. She and my grandpa stayed in my room, I moved into the master bedroom and it's not really spacious, the bed is just big tbh. We are not a traditional African household, but something's my mom likes to use culture to use authority against me which I hate
    via Realistic_Size_8846
  • This time around she is coming back for my younger brother's highschool graduation. I've been home because I switched to community college. I've been home for a year now. My idea was that we can clear out the office space for her to sleep in and make it look nice.
    via Realistic_Size_8846
  • My mom approached me and said that she will stay in my room while I go to the office... I told her i'm willing to clean out the office and contribute to her being comfortable because it's only a week but she says it's a cultural thing, and out of respect for my grandma I should do it. Mind you we just went back to Africa and she slept on a twin bed while they slept in the master bedroom...
    via Realistic_Size_8846
  • My brother's room is across from mine, and close to the bathroom, I asked what about his and she was like no he's a teen boy who has hormones and everything. My parents and brother (who's moved out) sleep downstairs. She had a knee sur ry but she lives in a house with high and steep stairs that she climbs everyday.
    via Realistic_Size_8846
  • I told her today, I will help you clean but it's not fair to give up my space when i'm already in the house. To get my things back and forth from my room is ridiculous to me. I love my grandma very much but I don't want it to cost my own comfort. Am I the a hole? I asked my friends and they all said no.
    via Realistic_Size_8846
  • A family sits around a table eating dinner
    via Unsplash+ (Kateryna Hliznitsova)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • It can be frustrating to know just how little power you have in your household when you're young. You bump up against the edge of responsibility all the time, and you just wish you were older. But there is a beauty to this if you can let it go. You won't be a kid forever. You'll be an adult for most of your life, if you're lucky. So you should just try to enjoy the moments when you still have to submit to the order of your family, within reason, of course. But the person in this story didn't quite see it that way, and didn't want to make the necessary changes to make their family happy. They didn't want to compromise on their own comfort, which is somewhat understandable, but in the grand scheme of things, you should always lean toward generosity where you can. You might miss out for a couple of nights, but the people whom you were generous toward will remember that for a long time. You treat someone how you'd like to be treated. But what if other people are forcing you to? Keep reading to see what happened in this story and see what you think about it.

  • Commenters agreed that more could have been done here.

    Clouds_drifting_by Info: you said your older brother, who had a room downstairs, is no longer at home, why can't she sleep there? And why can't your other brother take his hormones with him to the office room exactly? Though tbh the
    via Clouds_drifting_by
  • problem is the same, neither you nor your brother should give up the room you live n when there's a perfectly usable room that can be readied for her. Can I ask which tradition is it that requires her to sleep in 'your' room specifically?
    via Clouds_drifting_by
  • Jerome-Danvers I don't think you're an AH, you're entitled to feel how you feel about your own space. Unfortunately, as it's your mother's house and pays the bills, you're going to have to s k it up. It's going happen whether you like it or not
    via Jerome-Danvers
  • JayPanana225 My parents used to do this to me. They're Caribbean. I don't do it to my kids.
    via JayPanana225
  • JeanSchlemaan in usa this would be the decision of whoever pays for the home. you might be technically correct, but regardless if its your parents home and you dont pay rent its their rules period. i dont know anything about your culture, so couldnt make a judgement there.
    via JeanSchlemaan
  • Lemon Poppies Do you pay rent? If you don't, you have no right to tell your mother what to do with the room she pays for. It's one week. YTA, yeah. The "I love my grandma very much, but I don't want it to cost my own comfort" says a lot about you.
    via Lemon_Poppies
  • OddMarketing6521 SOFT, very soft, YTA -- You're right on every single count -- your grandma deals. with stairs all the time, she's just a guest, it's inconvenient for you, etc. You're right.
    via OddMarketing6521
  • But, in your culture, in a lot of cultures, the elders get the biggest bed wherever they are, as a sign of respect for their age. For example, when I go to my mother-in-law's house, she will not come to greet
    via OddMarketing6521
  • me at her door. I must hunt her down and greet her, first thing, or I am disrespectful. BUT, when she comes to my home, if I do not greet her at the door, even if I have a broken toe and literally cannot get to my own front door, then I am
    via OddMarketing6521
  • disrespectful. The younger generation ALWAYS greets the elder generation, no matter whose home or where we are. In your culture, it's the same thing, but in this case, it's about the bed. Your
    via OddMarketing6521
  • grandma and grandpa have had their turns sleeping on the floor or in twin beds while their elders got the better beds, the privacy, the everything. It's almost like an investment -- they paid their dues, not knowing whether they would live long
    via OddMarketing6521
  • enough to see the return. They have lived that long, they expect to see the return now. It tells them that they did the right thing: raised your parents to be respectful and to raise respectful children. Their culture, their spirits, live on in you, and you demonstrate that by reflecting the same values they hold.
    via OddMarketing6521
  • It's a week. Pack up anything you don't want them going through, move as much of your things to the office as possible, and pray that you live as long as your grandparents have, and that your family will be
    via OddMarketing6521
  • willing to host you for a week (on any bed) when you're that age. And promise yourself that you will love your family for themselves, not for being an extension of you.
    via OddMarketing6521
  • Also, your mom is kindly saying that your brother's room stinks, and your grandma will definitely notice, and fumigating is not a solution to that problem.
    via OddMarketing6521

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family drama siblings parenting raising teens family grandparents Parenting Fail
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