Job applicant feels torn about accepting job offer after manager asks about her plans for starting a family: 'We like to plan around things'

Author image for Ally Perry
Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Jun 8, 2026 1:15 PM EDT

Is a manager entitled to know about a prospective employee's family planning?

It is common knowledge that full-time employees who are also parents often struggle to balance the two responsibilities, and can get penalized by their workplace for prioritizing their parenthood. What is sometimes less discussed is that employees can also be judged for their potential to start a family, long before they have even started thinking about kids. Employers want to get their maximum value for money, and that takes a hit if one of their workers has to worry about children.

The thing is, it is quite difficult to hire and retain employees if a manager makes a big deal about their family arrangements. Plenty of people have kids or will at some point, and they do not want to feel like they are being persecuted for it in the workplace. An employer that makes too much of a big deal about whether or not their employees have kids is more than likely to be seen as a red flag, no matter what a person's family status may be. For many, it is going to be a dealbreaker when it comes to accepting a promotion or job offer.

 

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  • Two models representing the back of a male hiring manager and a woman being interviewed for a job across the desk from him
    via Ahmet Kurt (Unsplash+)

    Two models representing the back of a male hiring manager and a woman being interviewed for a job across the desk from him

  • A job applicant was made to feel uncomfortable when they had a final interview with three people they would potentially be working with if they got the role. While the interview seemed to go well for the most part, they were thrown a curveball by the question that the hiring manager asked close to the end.

    He wanted to know whether they were planning on starting a family any time soon, because the team considered it important to ‘plan around’ it. While taken aback, they answered the question and were later offered the job. However, they were in two minds as to whether they should take it.

  • Got asked something really inappropriate in a final interview, did I handle it right?

    Had a final round interview earlier this week for a role id been really excited about. Three people on the panel, the hiring manager, his manager and someone from another team i would be working closely with. The conversation flowed well for about forty minutes, all sensible role focused stuff, examples, technical questions, the usual.
    via Such_Rooster_4165
  • before it ends the hiring manager smiled and said "just a casual one to wrap things up, do you have any plans to start a family in the next couple of years, only asking because the team is small and we like to plan around things." His manager looked a bit awkward, didnt say anything, and the third person on the panel quietly looked down at her notes.
    via Such_Rooster_4165
  • I was caught off guard for a second that i almost laughed. I paused then said politely that personal plans wouldnt have any bearing on my ability to deliver in the role, and that i was happy to talk about availability, working patterns, or commitments to the role in any other way if that would be useful. He gave a small "of course of course" and moved on quickly, and the interview wrapped pretty soon after.
    via Such_Rooster_4165
  • The hiring manager emailed me to say he wants to move things forward and theyd love to chat about an offer next week. Im genuinely torn because im not sure if i should take that question as a one off awkward moment or as a sign of how the team actually thinks. Ive worked under managers who said things like that and it was never just one thing, it always came up again in different forms later.
    via Such_Rooster_4165
  • For people whove been on both sides of panels, would you take the role and push back on the conversation when it inevitably comes up again, or would you treat the question itself as a clean dealbreaker?
    via Such_Rooster_4165
  • Two models representing a male hiring manager with a laptop, and a female job applicant sitting across the desk from him
    via Ahmet Kurt (Unsplash+)

    Two models representing a male hiring manager with a laptop, and a female job applicant sitting across the desk from him

  • younevershouldnt On the plus side, they will be too scared not to offer you the role now
    via younevershouldnt
  • Decent-Jellyfish4592 some managers genuinely fumble small talk and the other twos faces say they know hes a liability, you could take it with eyes open and use it as a stepping stone.
    via Decent-Jellyfish4592
  • slacknoise8 I would have said that I started my 5th family with one of my 11 wife's
    via slacknoise8
  • sphinxofblackquartzj How badly you need a job? You can take the offer and still look for another job.
    via sphinxofblackquartzj
  • Responsible_Gap8104 I think its a red flag but if you like the job and the pay, you can still take the opportunity and walk in fully prepared for any bs. Document everything as you move forward, including this
    via Responsible_Gap8104
  • question. Keep a written log (on a non work device) of both this interview question, and any other comment or question that just feels "off." Even if it barely registers-because when a bunch of those subtle questions add up, it builds a case.
    via Responsible_Gap8104
  • Of course, this is all assuming you still want the job and they want to hire you. Regardless, i think you handled. the response well-kept it professional
    via Responsible_Gap8104
  • dumbtortoise456 Run away! If he's comfortable asking that in an interview then it will definitely be a reoccurring theme in the workplace. It was important enough to him that he had the balls to ask it. Says it all. Walk away.
    via dumbtortoise456
  • Prestigious_Car9440 I would've just lied and said "no" and do whatever I want in that regard. They're not entitled to your life story.
    via Prestigious_Car9440
  • perplexedtv You have to presume all prospective employers think this question, most of them just aren't clueless enough to ask it.
    via perplexedtv

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job applicant hiring manager workplace job interview
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