32-year-old neat freak is mad about his same age fianceé not taking her shoes off inside his house: ‘Refusing to respect my rules regardless of how silly you think they may be will send me into orbit’

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Olivia Arocena • Writer and Editor
Jun 13, 2026 11:15 AM EDT

Are we always obliged to follow our loved ones' rules?

Our most meaningful rules might appear ridiculous to somebody else, but part of the art of learning how to love is respecting what our significant others deem important, even though it sounds ludicrous to us. There is a difference between agreeing with a person and respecting them, and respecting sometimes requires complying with preferences we find irrational. Sometimes love is an inconvenience we choose. We accommodate, compromise, and generally do things we wouldn't do if it weren't for our partners. That's my position anyway, but let's see what this Redditor has to say.

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  • a bunch of shoes sitting on some steps
    via Ilker Ozmen

    A picture depicting where the guy's shoes SHOULD go (outside the door)

  • My [32F] fiancee [32M] said something that made me insanely mad and I can’t seem to get over it

    I've always had a hard rule about no outside shoes inside my home. My fiancee and I lived together for a year in 2023 and he knows this. I'm very strict about it.
    via AttentionNo5074
  • Due to circumstances, we no longer live together. He came over to my place over the weekend (he hasn't been over in almost a year. Usually I go to his). He immediately walked into my house with his shoes and I got upset and
    via AttentionNo5074
  • asked him to remove them by the door. It's been a while since he's been over, so I gave him a friendly reminder. He complained but obliged. The next morning I see him walking around my living room with his shoes on again and I
    via AttentionNo5074
  • immediately got angry and told him to take them off. He said he wasn't going to and that it wasn't a big deal. I got p ed again and said I didn't care, & he needed to take them off. He said no and said he didn't need to take them
    via AttentionNo5074
  • off because my apartment was disgusting anyway. And then reiterated again how "disgusting" my apartment was. It's been a few days but I'm still very angry, incredibly disrespected and I can't get over it. He doesn't
    via AttentionNo5074
  • seem to understand why I can't let it go. What would you guys do in this situation? How can I make him understand my point of view bc I'm still so angry.
    via AttentionNo5074
  • man sitting beside white door
    via John Fornander

    A picture of male model representing the man reflecting on his actions outside the house

  • I might be a little too influenced by psychoanalysis, but was it really that hard to obey a simple rule? I think an attitude like that most of the time speaks about some hidden grudge the other person holds for us, and not about a simple rejection of the rule itself, plus the commentary on how the house was so disgusting is a little telling. When you are coming from a place of love or at least enamourment, you tend to express things a little more softly, so I think the choice to make the comment so bluntly is showing something deeper. Careful, I’m not saying he is not in love anymore, I’m just saying that maybe that couple owes each other a night of talking things through.

  • For reference I'm a neat freak and clean religiously. However it was a busy week with work, and I had family over and a celebration. So my house was cluttered with stuff (clothes, makeup, etc).
    via AttentionNo5074
  • Cluttered, but not dirty and certainly not disgusting.
    via AttentionNo5074

  • This is, by far, the weirdest part. I wonder why she insisted so much on the fact that the house was so disgusting if he says it was just disorganized; one of them has to be exaggerating. Still, if one of them is, in fact, exaggerating, the lack of manners is not justified.  It’s funny how two people under the same roof can sometimes be so far away, so far that one of them has to ask other people if a clear disregard of one's boundaries is, in fact, so.

  • Edit: we don't live together anymore because he started a job in another state and I have much much more flexibility to visit. So I go to his, or we meet in a mutual location for vacation. Rarely a need to come back to my city.
    via AttentionNo5074
  • Second edit: the anger was less about the shoes (slight annoyance, I can mop. Whatever). But having to constantly remind someone about something that bothers me gets incredibly annoying, and then
    via AttentionNo5074
  • refusing to respect my rules regardless of how silly you think they may be will send me into orbit. Thank u
    via AttentionNo5074

  • Maybe all that distance is starting to take a toll on the relationship, or maybe it’s just my intuition, but I think a future separation is cooking inside of them. I can’t tell if they can do something to stop it still, or if it’s too late, but well, who can? We tend to end things a lot later than we should, but in the end, I might be the one who’s exaggerating now.

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relationship advice marriage marriage-drama relationships toxic relationship
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