Older sister refuses to give music graduate referral for corporate job experience: 'She's never taken a single business class'

Ally Perry • Writer and Editor

Jun 18, 2026 9:15 AM EDT

Should we be obliged to give a good reference to someone just because they're family?

Mixing the professional and personal is often a risky business, and that includes when you decide to work with your relatives. Even if your family members present themselves as responsible people who would be a credit to any company, the complications that come from having a close relationship are liable to sneak in if you do not maintain some very strict boundaries.

We can also have a tendency to overestimate the abilities of the ones we love, or ignore some of their more glaring red flags when it comes to their work experience. Even worse, some relatives can expect us to overlook this in favor of letting them benefit from some nepotism.

While it is understandable to want to use the contacts you have when you want to break into an industry, it isn't always a good look to cling to family members in the hopes they will salvage your professional reputation. At best, it is likely to make you look inexperienced and lazy, and at worst, it looks like an obvious attempt at hiding the fact that you are a lot less employable than you make yourself out to be.

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An older sister felt like she had to be firm with her younger sibling when she asked her to be a referral for a job at a consulting firm. She was a recent music graduate with no corporate experience, whereas her sister had worked hard over many years to land a role at a big tech company.
The older sibling reasoned that, given her lack of an appropriate background, it would be irresponsible for her to recommend her sister for the job. However, the recent graduate remained determined that this was the path for her, leaving her wondering if she had made the right decision.
Am I wrong for refusing to give my younger sister a corporate job referral?

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