Older sister refuses to give music graduate referral for corporate job experience: 'She's never taken a single business class'

Author image for Ally Perry
Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Jun 18, 2026 9:15 AM EDT

Should we be obliged to give a good reference to someone just because they're family?

Mixing the professional and personal is often a risky business, and that includes when you decide to work with your relatives. Even if your family members present themselves as responsible people who would be a credit to any company, the complications that come from having a close relationship are liable to sneak in if you do not maintain some very strict boundaries.

We can also have a tendency to overestimate the abilities of the ones we love, or ignore some of their more glaring red flags when it comes to their work experience. Even worse, some relatives can expect us to overlook this in favor of letting them benefit from some nepotism. 

While it is understandable to want to use the contacts you have when you want to break into an industry, it isn't always a good look to cling to family members in the hopes they will salvage your professional reputation. At best, it is likely to make you look inexperienced and lazy, and at worst, it looks like an obvious attempt at hiding the fact that you are a lot less employable than you make yourself out to be.

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  • A representation of a young woman sitting on the floor, wearing a scarf tied around her head
    via Toa Heftiba

    A representation of a young woman sitting on the floor, wearing a scarf tied around her head

  • An older sister felt like she had to be firm with her younger sibling when she asked her to be a referral for a job at a consulting firm. She was a recent music graduate with no corporate experience, whereas her sister had worked hard over many years to land a role at a big tech company.

    The older sibling reasoned that, given her lack of an appropriate background, it would be irresponsible for her to recommend her sister for the job. However, the recent graduate remained determined that this was the path for her, leaving her wondering if she had made the right decision.

  • Am I wrong for refusing to give my younger sister a corporate job referral?

    I (33F) work at a big tech company. I worked my a off to get here—put myself through a master's program in Europe, built up my resume at several big-name companies, graduated from a top MBA program, and survived a dozen rounds of interviews to land my current role.
    via No_Hovercraft_4962
  • My younger sister just graduated with a music degree. She has zero full-time corporate experience or internships. Her entire resume consists of working as a student music instructor at her college and doing some side gigs. She's never taken a single business class.
    via No_Hovercraft_4962
  • She recently reached out asking for a job referral at a top consulting firm I used to work for. Her reasoning was that she wants to open her own music studio down the road, but wants to get into a top MBA program first to learn how to run a business—so she needs some corporate street cred to beef up her resume.
    via No_Hovercraft_4962
  • I tried to gently explain that her best bet would be starting with administrative or event coordination roles within the music industry. It's what she's actually qualified for, and it still connects to the kind of background top MBA programs look for. I also pointed out that she really doesn't need a massive, expensive MBA just to run a
    via No_Hovercraft_4962
  • local music studio—those degrees are usually geared toward corporate climbers or people launching large- scale startups.
    via No_Hovercraft_4962
  • She wasn't having it. She kept pushing for the referral anyway, and then asked if I had connections at other massive companies in finance, entertainment, or top media agencies.
    via No_Hovercraft_4962
  • I love my sister, but I'm hesitant to give her these referrals. I'm not comfortable with risking the professional reputation I spent over a decade building. AITA? Also, how can I persuade her to take a more realistic approach to her career goals without completely crushing her ego?
    via No_Hovercraft_4962
  • A model representing a smart businesswoman smiling as she texts on her phone
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    A model representing a smart businesswoman smiling as she texts on her phone

  • lotsofsugarandspice I dont think anyone should make a referral of their direct family member. It usually wont be taken seriously.
    via lotsofsugarandspice
  • sebastianrileyt2 NTA - most places would not accept the referral if its from a family member. The referral has to be someone you worked with and preferably in a job that has some similarities.
    via sebastianrileyt2
  • When I was the one screening, I would automatically put the resume to the bottom if there were family members as references.
    via sebastianrileyt2
  • Glass-Satisfaction 19 NTA. Your referral is indeed linked to your reputation. I would not refer someone I don't think would be a good fit for a position. I would, however, ask for a favor for my sister if you have the right
    via Glass-Satisfaction19
  • contact ("Hey my sister is looking for a job can you help out"), but that is different from a referral.
    via Glass-Satisfaction19
  • Lunar-Eclipse0204 NTA - mainly because a referral should never come from family. and giving one would be dishonest as you haven't actually worked with her to know how she works
    via Lunar-Eclipse0204
  • nicfickcan NTA. A referral is basically saying, "I vouch for this person". If you can't honestly say that, don't do it.
    via nicfickcan
  • 2ndcupofcoffee Suggest that she look for a referral from a former professor.
    via 2ndcupofcoffee
  • Maximum-Company2719 NTA. Explain that you will be 100% honest if they call you. "Sis has been a good sister to me. I don't know what her professional skills are within a corporate setting. She is an excellent music educator."
    via Maximum-Company2719
  • squirrelsarespeaking NTA. It's great she is ambitious and it's kind to help out if you can, but it sounds like she is asking for too much. You gave her solid direction. If you want to give her a referral to a top company, go for
    via squirrelsarespeaking
  • it, but even then, the role should probably be small. And it sounds like she's trying to cut corners. Your reputation isn't worth that risk.
    via squirrelsarespeaking

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