'You look like a mom': 33-year-old man says his wife changed after having kids and complains after she gets a haircut, leaving her questioning how to continue with the marriage succesfully

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Olivia Arocena • Writer and Editor
Jun 29, 2026 1:00 PM EDT

The collapse of a fantasy

Many couples go through a stage where attraction decreases; for some, this is just a stage, for others, it means the end is near. When children are involved, especially if they're very small, responsibilities increase, routines emerge, and parents' identities shift. A change like that can take flirtatiousness out of the equation. The new parents are simply too focused on surviving the sleepless nights and the children's demands, leaving them without any energy to pour into themselves or the relationship. In some families, the division of household labour is rather uneven because one of them goes out to work, so, typically, the one who stays ends up doing all the housework and taking care of the children most of the time. The woman who shared this story is trying to explore the issue and overcome it. Shall we accompany her?

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  • a woman holding a baby with another child watching a tablet
    via Alexander Dummer

    A model with two children representing the mother of two who's tired of doing everything around the house

  • Update: My (29F) husband (33M) says I changed after having kids, but I think he liked me better when I was just his Barbie doll

    I posted just 3 days ago, but I want to give an update because I took the comments to heart and decided to stop wallowing by myself and online and just come out and tell my husband how I've been feeling. I'm still getting
    via ThrowRA_BarbieDoll
  • comments on that post today, so I wanted to share what's changing. On Father's Day we did some special stuff for Father's Day. He even semi-broke his diet for the special occasion, but only semi. In the afternoon,
    via ThrowRA_BarbieDoll
  • both babies were napping at the same time, which doesn't happen often despite my best efforts. He really wanted to have s We used to haves all the time and still did pretty frequently after our son was born (my son is the
    via ThrowRA_BarbieDoll
  • oldest at 18 months and my daughter is 4 months). It only happens maybe 1-2 times a week now because I'm just tired and never in the mood. He has not been rejecting me sexually, and when it does happen it's actually one
    via ThrowRA_BarbieDoll
  • thing he's not selfish about. If anything, I'm trying to turn it into a quickie and he wants to do everything to me. If I have free time, I want to sleep. So, I resisted for a while but he promised me he'd
    via ThrowRA_BarbieDoll
  • give me an amazing I which would help relax me. I figured ok, it was Father's Day, but he better make good on his promise. We actually had fantastic s and I was so relaxed and sleepy
    via ThrowRA_BarbieDoll
  • afterwards. One of the kids woke up and he told me to sleep and he'd handle it. I ended up sleeping for 3 hours straight in the middle of the day and it was divine.
    via ThrowRA_BarbieDoll
  • I woke up from that nap and realized I should be getting these naps every weekend. I should be getting more breaks and time to myself. I don't know why it's been so hard for me to voice that. I
    via ThrowRA_BarbieDoll
  • know that part of me wanted him to realize it himself without being told. I wanted him to offer or step up or whatever you want to call it. I didn't want to have to tell him. I was probably being too stubborn about that.
    via ThrowRA_BarbieDoll
  • I woke up from the nap and when I went out to the living room I told him immediately that I need a nap like that every weekend. He said ok. I said no, I'm serious and he needs to promise me he'll let me sleep for a few
    via ThrowRA_BarbieDoll
  • hours uninterrupted every weekend day when he's home. He said ok, like it was nothing.Then I just kept going. I told him I need more help, not outside help as I'm not comfortable with people. coming into the house and
    via ThrowRA_BarbieDoll
  • cleaning or taking care of my kids when I'm there. I want him to do it. I want him to either wake up in the morning and do some chores before he goes to the gym, even if that means he has to wake up at 4 am now....because I'm
    via ThrowRA_BarbieDoll
  • up at that time! I don't even want to go to the gym, but if he wants me to look like I used to, I'd like to be able to be up at 4 am riding the Peloton while he does chores or take care of anyone who is awake and needs fed or changed
    via ThrowRA_BarbieDoll
  • during that time. He just said "I can do that" like it was nothing. I asked him if it's nothing, why am I having to ask for it. He said he just didn't think of it, he's not a mindreader. I don't expect him to be a mindreader but how hard
    via ThrowRA_BarbieDoll
  • is it to comprehend that your wife, who is with your 2 babies all day long, might need a little more help? Yesterday when he got home from work I was dressed and ready to go.
    via ThrowRA_BarbieDoll
  • He walked in the door and I told him I was going to get my hair done and I'd be home whenever, didn't know how long it'd take. Give him a run down on who had last ate and been changed and napped and when and bye. He did have
    via ThrowRA_BarbieDoll
  • to text me once or twice to ask where some things were, but everything was fine. I decided that I don't need to keep trying to be the same me with the same look I've had for years. I got about 7 inches. cut off my hair. I haven't
    via ThrowRA_BarbieDoll
  • had my hair done professionally in over 6 months, and I used to be there all the time, like every 2 months. I just wanted something that actually looked styled and cute, plus it's still below my shoulders so it's not super
    via ThrowRA_BarbieDoll
  • woman at a hair salon
    via Vinicius "amnx" Amano

    A picture representing the woman at the hairdresser

  • short, but easier to maintain now. I walked in the door and he was like "you look like a mom." Grrr. It didn't feel good, but at the same time I just told him I am a mom and if he doesn't like it
    via ThrowRA_BarbieDoll
  • that's tough. He's the one who made me a mom. He said he was just joking and he liked it, it looked really good. I don't know if I believe him, but I like it and that should be all that matters.
    via ThrowRA_BarbieDoll

  • The unfortunate remark the husband mouthed should be treated as a complete sentence. She is absolutely right about him making her a mother and then resenting her for it. Becoming a parent shifts you in ways you can’t fully grasp, and it might be a matter of time until you find yourself again. The husband might need some time to unify his wife as a mother and as a partner. And she might also need some time to regain space to invest in herself.

  • Tonight I told him 1) I need. him to do some chores and I'm making him a chore chart like he's a little boy. He said that was okay, and he admitted he is like a little boy and needs told what to do. I told him that whatever sort of whacky
    via ThrowRA_BarbieDoll
  • diet eating like 500 calories a day he wants to do is whatever, but he needs to start helping prepare food for me because I'm not eating well and I'm not losing weight and I want to lose weight. I told him I don't
    via ThrowRA_BarbieDoll
  • really want to step on the scale in front of him though. He said I was the one who kept going on about being fat and wanting to lose weight. He's not wrong.
    via ThrowRA_BarbieDoll
  • I've already told him that tomorrow we're having a serious conversation about all of this, what we both need from each other right now, when he gets home from work. I had originally told him I wanted to do that tonight but he
    via ThrowRA_BarbieDoll
  • had to work until 7 tonight so I knew I'd be too tired and likely right in the middle of my son's bedtime routine when he got home.
    via ThrowRA_BarbieDoll
  • So tomorrow is when I'm going to really put it all on the table. I'm not ready to say anything like I'm considering divorce or will divorce him if xyz doesn't happen. that'd be a lie. I'm not even thinking of divorce. The only reason
    via ThrowRA_BarbieDoll
  • I'm even mentioning divorce here is because there were several comments about it on my previous post. But if you were me, what would you say and what would you ask of your partner?
    via ThrowRA_BarbieDoll
  • couple arguing while sitting on a couch
    via Vitaly Gariev

    A photo depicting the couple having the 'serious conversation'

  • Honestly, the only way is through, and she is doing the right thing by trying to reclaim her space and asking him to contribute more to the housework. What we don’t know is whether this will change their dynamic for the better or if it won’t work. Still, that’s the risk with life in general, you can only control what you do, you can give it your best, but you will never know if it’ll land well. Let’s wish her the best!

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relationship advice marriage marriage drama relationships toxic relationship relationship drama
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