24-year-old receives $12,000 from neighbor, parents demand she loan $10k to her brother to buy a trailer: 'I am torn'

Author image for Ally Perry
Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Jul 4, 2026 9:15 AM EDT

Are we always obliged to give money to people just because they're family?

There isn't anything wrong with sharing your success or good fortune with your relatives when it is your choice. Assuming that your family members are there for you through good times and bad, it makes sense to want to give back and help them out a little with the benefits that you have earned.

It could even be argued that there are times when it is right to help out family, even if you do not particularly want to. In the right context, it could be the move that changes the life of somebody you love for the better. 

However, making a decision like this is ultimately something that has to be the choice of the person who has the ability to help out. If they face too much pressure from others, they are liable to back down or feel like they have been made to do something that they didn't want to do. What's worse is if they choose to make this contribution, and they do not see anybody truly benefit from it; they will have wasted money, time, or resources on an enterprise that feels like it shouldn't have happened in the first place.

 

 

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  • A man standing in a mechanic's garage with his arms crossed
    via Yunus Tuğ (Unsplash+)

    A man standing in a mechanic's garage with his arms crossed

  • A young woman was delighted when her elderly neighbor decided to give her a significant sum of money to help her achieve her life goals. She had planned on using it towards going to grad school, as well as some other personal costs.

    However, her parents believed that the money would be better used by her troubled older brother, who was hoping to buy a trailer. They proposed that she lend them most of the money for him to buy it, although she was not on speaking terms with him. She felt like their expectations were totally unfair, and wanted some advice on how to navigate the situation.

  • My parents want to borrow $10,000 from me to buy my brother a trailer

    I, 24F, received a massive blessing about two months ago. My childhood neighbor, a single woman in her seventies who is divorced with no children, gave me a check for $12,000 after I graduated. She said she enjoyed watching me grow up and admired my life goals (I am very career driven). I used it to pay off my car. A month later, for my birthday, she gave me another
    via RhetoricIsEverything
  • $12,000 check. She also wants to leave her house and savings to my parents. I put the entire second check in my savings, which raised the amount to about $16,000 dollars.
    via RhetoricIsEverything
  • When I opened the second check at my birthday party, the first words out of my mother's mouth were "maybe you should give it to (brother's name)". My brother, 26, had a difficult childhood and experience in school, and recently came home to live with my parents after a years long prison stay. My mother believes it is unfair that my neighbor
    via RhetoricIsEverything
  • hasn't given him any money. I do not want to be selfish, but I make 17 dollars an hour and am setting my hopes to go to grad school. I also am leasing an apartment by myself for the first time ever and own an animal. All of these things are expensive prospects. I live in Colorado and the cost of living is extremely high. I may have to move across the country in a year for graduate school.
    via RhetoricIsEverything
  • Today, my mother called me saying that her and my father want to borrow 10,000 dollars from me to buy my brother a small, vintage Detroiter trailer. It would need lots of renovations, and they want to get it inspected. On top of buying the trailer, my brother would need to pay $1000 dollars of lot rent a month. He bounces between jobs and does not have much savings because he
    via RhetoricIsEverything
  • loves vintage cars, which is a very expensive hobby. Originally, my mom said that if I gave him the $12,000 check, he would likely buy a new engine for his Thunderbird.
    via RhetoricIsEverything
  • I am extremely torn. My brother and I are not on speaking terms. His behavioral problems upended my childhood, and there have been many times where he has been physically and mentally cruel to me. The only time he spoke to me in prison was a day before he was released, when he asked me to buy him w d. When I told my parents
    via RhetoricIsEverything
  • this, they said he denied everything. I believe him to be manipulative and tends to lie pathologically. I have no interest in having a relationship with him at this time.
    via RhetoricIsEverything
  • My parents told me they would pay me $1000 a month for ten months in repayment, so that they would not have to dip into their retirement. I know for a fact that they are good for it-- they are upstanding and honest people. The only reason I would go through with this is to do it as a favor to them. I do not believe buying an old trailer is the best use of this money, especially because he
    via RhetoricIsEverything
  • would maybe not be able to keep up with the lot rent. He would likely move his girlfriend and her daughter into the trailer as well. His girlfriend works very few hours so she is still able to receive government assistance.
    via RhetoricIsEverything
  • What do I do? I want to help my parents out, and part of me feels guilty that he hasn't received any money, but the paranoid part of brain doesn't want to let this money go. What if I need it sooner? What if the trailer is in such disrepair that it becomes a money hole? I don't want to jumpstart that process.
    via RhetoricIsEverything
  • A close-up of a young woman's face as she lies on her stomach
    via Giorgio Trovato

    A close-up of a young woman's face as she lies on her stomach

  • Flimsy-Truck4033 Neighbor gave you the money. Neighbor plans to give her whole house and savings to parents. Parents can take care of brother themselves.
    via Flimsy-Truck4033
  • MosaCat Your brother does not deserve this money. If your parents want to help him then let them take out a loan and repay it directly to the bank. I guarantee you if you lend your parents the money at some point they will stop paying and guilt you into gifting it to your brother.
    via MosaCat
  • Tell your parents you can't afford to lend the money and leave it as that. For future reference, keep any discussions around money to yourself. Don't reward your brother's attitude and decisions. If you do this now, your family will continue to take advantage of you, stop the cycle now.
    via MosaCat
  • ferretkona Just put it in savings or invest it. Or just tell them it is no longer available.
    via ferretkona
  • gmanose If your parents can afford to pay $1000 a month, they can afford to save $1000 a month for 10 months and then they can just buy your brother the trailer
    via gmanose
  • Sonsangnim Your neighbor gave you the money for a reason. If your parents want to buy something for your brother they can save $1,000/month for 10 months and give it then. He is not your
    via Sonsangnim
  • reaponsibility. You have goals and the ability to pursue them. Stay on course and don't let them guilt you into wasting your money on someone who is irresponsible
    via Sonsangnim

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