34 of the Freshest and Funniest Tweets of the Week (July 6, 2026)

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  • 01
    Gilbert ❤ @AbakpaJob the perfect number of cats is two stupid cats. preferably siblings. but they can't both be the same type of stupid. one needs to be stupid (dumb) and one needs to be stupid (annoying) 5:24 AM 6/27/26 233K Views 30 17581 8.2K 422
  • 02
    Melanie Bracewell @meladoodle I'm in the wedding planning subreddit and this seems like a bit of an overreaction weddingplanning: Venue Booked Out - Wait a Year or Do 9/11 2:09 AM 6/25/26 2.1M Views • 130 17 2.3K now 85K ☐ 2.5K ↑
  • 03
    George "Respect the" Bush ❤ @GeorgeWChud went on a great hinge date with a girl I found super attractive which means I'm going to get the HR text in about 20 minutes 11:20 PM 6/23/26 333K Views 24 1775 7.4K ☐ 203 11
  • 04
    gal @prtygal777 the way the parents are mogging with that eyeliner lipstick and pose while their chopped baby is just there is killing me °*.* @wurooods. 1d Black-browed albatross family 6:37 AM 6/23/26 5.9M Views • 489 17 40K 462K 23K ↑
  • 05
    breezy˚C. @vampirehamilton big fan of her music. didnt know she was an nhl goalie Olivier Rodrigue Ice hockey goaltender ட Bauer ILERS 2:48 PM 6/25/26 402K Views 24 . 12.7K TRUE 44K 720 ↑
  • 06
    HowlingKanye ❤ @HowlingKanye When I clean my apartment before a date I feel like a corrupt mayor hiding documents ahead of an audit. 11:57 PM 6/24/26 259K Views 22 1 1.1K 25K 601 ↑
  • 07
    Morgan ❤ @simplymorgn a good middle manager looks like a guy who just drinks coffee and forwards emails, but his actual job is secretly absorbing insane executive requests so the team can just do their work 2:06 PM 6/25/26 2.9M Views • 218 17 2.7K 50K ☐ 3.4K ↑
  • 08
    Art ArtButMakeltSports ❤ Sports @ArtButSports Petit disque orange (rotated), by František Kupka, 1932 212-351-9353 212 1019 ARK 10:35 PM 6/24/26 8.1M Views 323 17 8.7K 115K ☐ 6.3K ↑
  • 09
    Bearmaxxer @centristpeater Is inviting a girl to your air-conditioned home in Europe similar to inviting her to your yacht in America 7:40 PM 6/26/26-356K Views 160 1805 20K 553
  • 10
    CHEEKU⭑。 @Okay_Bye_ How it feels to explain ur problem to customer support chat bot zirtsxu @zirtsxu7267.2d i love this video . 6:24 AM 6/26/26-3.2M Views ST ☑ -
  • 11
    27. @dimvji the best part about having a job is being able to go through doors other people aren't allowed to use. the worst part is everything else 11:52 AM 6/23/26 164K Views . 11 1 1.7K 19K ☐ 390 ↑
  • 12
    TC @totalcristiano The timing of this advert kills me everytime 0:08 Daniel Romano ก ☑ 5:21PM. 6/25/26 5.9M Views 489 14K 242K ☐ 19K ↑
  • 13
    cly @tribecalledrags My grandkids going to be asking me grandpa what's that confetti in that tiny little frame there and why do you sleep with it every night KNICKS IN FIVE 06/18/26 4:19 PM 6/24/26 836K Views 100 17 2K 83K 1.8K ↑
  • 14
    COW @cowincrisis the grass is literally greener on the other side i can see it 1:10 AM 6/24/26 448K Views 211 12.6K 72K ☐ 779 ↑
  • 15
    @slowwlifee purposely ignoring hints so people can be direct and communicate like adults 7:54 AM 6/22/26 2.7M Views 280 1 31K 204K 9K ↑
  • 16
    solé ✔ @layxsnv "This job is driving me crazy" Me at work: oko 8:37 PM 6/23/26 638K Views 39 17 3.5K 29K 782 ↑
  • 17
    poppa @popitforpoppa microdosing pto by dissociating at work 7:43 PM 6/22/26 948K Views • 18 176.2K 67K 1.4K
  • 18
    Dexerto @Dexerto Police in Australia are searching for missing magician Daniel Hidden after he vanished without a trace His family have said his disappearance is out of character TYITOT CARPE HOCT 2:04 PM 6/22/26.5.2M Views 852 17 3K 58K ☐ 5.8K ↑
  • 19
    6IX◆ @ok6ixx Started a new job and everyone kept mentioning "the incident" but nobody would tell me what it was. After three weeks I finally asked directly. Turns out my predecessor had a mental breakdown and threw a printer out the second-story window. Okay, weird, but whatever. Then yesterday our printer jammed. Without thinking I said "this makes me want to throw it out the window" and the entire office went SILENT. De d silent. Someone whispered "oh god not again." Now they think I have prin
  • 20
    Katja (mercurial) @coldgorlfever One time my interns kept missing meetings and after some very confused back and forth I eventually discovered they didn't know they had an outlook email calendar. They were clicking accept on meeting invites, the invite email was vanishing, and they just assumed the meeting no longer existed • 9:26 AM 6/25/26 1.9M Views 81 17302 28K 634 ↑
  • 21
    ollie @ledytoss guy in community college wrote an essay intro so bad that I've kept it in my notes app for the past 3.5 years TFW 5G 4:58 PM @ 59% < October 26, 2022 at 10:48 AM The movie I did my essay on was The Matrix. In reality, this is a movie, but could it be deeper than that? To me, parts of this "movie" could be a documentary.
  • 22
    prnv @tetrispickle Women are really good at flirting when they are geographically unreachable. . 7:25 PM 6/25/26 461K Views 139 t 3.1K 30K 1.5K ↑
  • 23
    sarah @sazza_jay 'more kings' is actually really funny sorry Guerrilla Prophet @jaykelly26.3d English fans are flat out disrespectful in Boston, just in case anyone was wondering why we love the Scottish more. Just look to how each chose to decorate the city for the World Cup. MORE KINGS Make America Great Britain Again GULF OF MEXICO GULF OF AMERICA GULF OF WEST BRITAIN $250 years of hurt, come home' 5:56 AM 6/26/26 551K Views 31 17888 30K ☐ 753 ↑
  • 24
    Quinn @MindOfQuinn "$100 is insane for a video game" - door dashes 46$ worth of taco bell for themselves 9:48 PM 6/25/26 422K Views 273 17809 18K ☐ 221
  • 25
    Zweil @somethings_awry My company finally got the Microsoft Copilot bill LMAOOO00 10:48 AM 6/25/26.5.4M Views 304 1 1.4K 101K ☐ 2.3K
  • 26
    AC D @AC2802M Thank God it's not snowing imagine shovelling snow in this heat 12:53 PM 6/25/26 1.1M Views 145 14.1K 83K 1.7K
  • 27
    6IX◆ @ok6ixx So I started feeding a stray cat on my porch. Sweet orange boy, very polite. Two weeks in, a lady knocked on my door and asked if I'd seen her cat. Showed me a picture. It was MY orange boy. Turns out he lives four houses down and has a full government name: Emperor Fluffington III. She wasn't mad though. She said he's been coming home absolutely STUFFED and she couldn't figure out where he was eating. We got to talking. Turns out Emperor Fluffington is running a full scam operation
  • 28
    JT @jiratickets birthday dinner. she says "my treat tonight!" then pulls out the authorized user card linked to my account. women are so beautiful 123 9:30 PM 6/26/26-396K Views 66 17 438 27K ☐ 752 ↑
  • 29
    isabel @shutupisabel pilot paused and very carefully said we would be landing at 11 minutes past 9 9:11 AM 6/25/26 2.5M Views 221 1 4.2K 178K 3.8K
  • 30
    Meech @MediumSizeMeech "Is lateness a moral failure?" Let's ask Abraham Lincoln, OH THAT'S RIGHT, WE CAN'T because John Wilkes Booth was ON TIME to assassinate him 6:53 PM 6/25/26 364K Views 25 11.6K 23K ☐ 679 ↑
  • 31
    Barney "Deputy" Fife @DeputyFife69 Holy sh. The more you look the better it gets Tin Cup Mizzou @mcavoymiz. 12h "I would like one fake id please " USA Largus Shoelace MISSOURI 9 CLASS F DRIVER LICENSE 4b EXP 09/11/2028 4d DL NO 04431:552 DOR 09/11/2001 SHOELACE THE 2LERGUS WASHINGBEARD 8 8200 NO MORE VICTIMS RD JEFFERSON CITY, MO 65101 9a END NONE 12 RESTRICTIONS NONE 15 S M 17 WGT 150 lb 16 HGT 5'-08" 18 EYES BLU 6 DD 220926540072 DONOR 4a ISS 09/15/2022 10:02 PM 6/26/26 475K Views 18 27261 09/
  • 32
    Drew @drewdyck Panera is the perfect choice when you're not sick but you're craving hospital food. And you're like, my bank balance is too high. 9:12 PM 6/23/26 1.4M Views • 289 17 2.3K 54K ☐ 1.5K
  • 33
    KC Josh Chavis @Josh Chavis65 The World Cup rules because at literally any time of the day if my wife asks me to do something I can just be like “I can't I'm watching Timbuktu vs. Wakanda and it's nil nil in stoppage time." 9:02 PM 6/15/26 414K Views • 69 17697 17K 426 ↑
  • 34
    zoë++ @zoenone none unironically this is 80% of the reason i became an emt soup @thrluv.1d they should let me go inside everyone's house just to see 8:59 PM 6/26/26 1.5M Views 80 1 1.4K 72K 1.9K ↑

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