Photographer gets hired for a destination wedding, the couple starts acting weird, not confirming key details about accommodation, she backs out: 'They’ve asked me to reimburse them for the airfare they purchased and accommodation expenses.'

Author image for María Cetra
María Cetra • Writer
Jul 15, 2026 8:45 PM EDT

A wedding drama that takes place before the wedding. Having a job that consists of dealing with people can be super stressful.

This long Reddit story is about a photographer who gets hired for a destination wedding only to later discover that the couple didn't exactly plan the accommodations for her and ended up creating a huge misunderstanding and a hostile environment for the photographer. This got me thinking about those jobs that aren't really in customer service or part of the servicing industry, but nonetheless, they do require the employee to deal with people all the time. We always have stories about entitled people in restaurants, hotels, bars, and even theme parks. But I never consider how many stories like this a photographer may have, and many other workers who aren't exactly expected because of their line of work. 


This story not only showcases that entitled people are in every kind of job and can make your life incredibly stressful, but also really easy. But it also proves that photographers need to be prepared for everything. Most freelance jobs have some parts of the job always be in a verbal contract. They can't always have everything written in a contract. But I do think that they should always have one nonetheless. Even if not everything got written up, you need some kind of proof that shows that you were hired for a destination wedding, that you charge x amount for your services, and that you will do this, this, and that. Just trusting the customer, even if you know them, is a huge mistake that can get you in trouble.


I have to admit that the photographer really tried to have all the information in writing, but the couple wasn't cooperating. But the truth is, she should have provided a contract the second they hired her. If she had that, she would have been able to know everything that this job entailed, as well as how the accommodation for the trip would work and how much she would be paid for it. For someone who has been a photographer for almost 10 years, she should have known better than to trust the customers just because she knew them. 
 

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  • 01
    I am a full-time wedding photographer. The bride is someone I've known since high school. We aren't best friends, but she's always referred to me as a friend, and because of that I put a lot more trust into this arrangement than I would have with a normal client. I was genuinely excited to photograph their destination wedding in August. Back in December, we made a verbal agreement (there was never a written contract). My understanding was that they
    via throwra4mom
  • 02
    Visual representation of two wedding rings over a white fabric.
    via Sandy Millar

    Visual representation of two wedding rings over a white fabric. 

  • 03
    would purchase my airfare and cover my accommodations for the two nights I was actually working the wedding, and I would be staying with the brides two friends, who were supposed to be my travel companions throughout the trip to ease costs for everyone. We were going to be in Italy for about 10 days, so I planned on paying for the remaining 8 days as a vacation, and my understanding is I would be splitting lodging with the brides friend. I was completely
    via throwra4mom
  • 04
    happy with that arrangement. Because I committed to this wedding, I blocked those dates off on my calendar months in advance and turned away multiple weddings and sessions worth several thousand dollars. Over the following several months I repeatedly asked for logistics because I needed to plan an international trip. Most of the answers I received were variations of "we're still figuring it out." Then in June, about two months
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  • 05
    before the wedding, I specifically asked for an itinerary because I still didn't know exactly what I was committing to. That's when everything changed. I received a detailed itinerary, voice memos, and planning documents showing photoshoots almost every day of the trip, if not multiple every day, with some days including multiple shoots. Boat. Beach. Vespa. Birthday dinner. Boudoir. Balcony. Spaghetti dinner. Sunrise. Sunset. It suddenly looked like I would be
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  • 06
    photographing them for the entirety of the trip instead of photographing a wedding during my vacation. I immediately raised concerns. My concern wasn't that I didn't want to photograph those things. I actually told them multiple times I was happy to. My concern was that the arrangement I had agreed to no longer seemed to exist, and this didn't feel fair. Instead of telling me those shoots were optional, they responded by saying they would cover
    via throwra4mom
  • 07
    transportation and entry fees for those activities so I could photograph them. That reinforced my understanding that these shoots were expected enough that they were now discussing paying for the costs associated with photographing them. Because of that, I completely changed how I planned the trip. It was no longer "my vacation with a wedding in the middle." It had become an international work trip. Since my original lodging plan depended on sharing
    via throwra4mom
  • 08
    accommodations with two of the bride's friends, the bride introduced all three of us months earlier and the understanding was that we'd share accommodations and spend our free time together while I wasn't working. One of the friends decided to make the trip a trip with her husband, so it dropped down to just me and the one other friend. Upon receiving this itinerary, the remaining friend realized she would be alone for the majority of the trip while I was with the couple and was unsure if
    via throwra4mom
  • 09
    she wanted to or felt comfortable with that. I specifically asked the couple to keep me updated about one of the girls because my planning depended on whether she was still going. I was never updated. Several days ago, after discovering that my travel companion had actually withdrawn weeks earlier without anyone informing me despite my specifically asking to be kept updated, I reached back out to
    via throwra4mom
  • 10
    the couple. I explained that because my travel plans and costs had now changed so significantly, I could no longer afford to move forward under the circumstances as they currently stood. Before making any final decision, I wanted to understand the complete scope of what I was actually committing to so we could determine whether there was still a way to make the arrangement fair for both sides. Instead of responding to my concerns in writing, the groom
    via throwra4mom
  • 11
    repeatedly pushed me to get on another phone call. When I wasn't comfortable continuing to have important conversations verbally, I felt like that was treated as though I was being difficult or uncooperative, rather than acknowledging that I was simply asking for the information in writing. At the same time, I still wasn't receiving the detailed answers I needed to evaluate whether I could realistically move forward. This had actually become a
    via throwra4mom
  • 12
    pattern throughout the planning process. Every time I raised concerns or asked for more detail, I was encouraged to get on a phone call. During those calls, I often felt like I was given just enough information to end the conversation, but many of my questions remained unanswered. When I followed up afterward by text with the questions that were still outstanding, they frequently went unanswered or were never fully addressed. Eventually, because I couldn't keep track of
    via throwra4mom
  • 13
    what had and hadn't been answered, I created a shared Notes document so we could organize everything in one place. The groom told me he had completed it to the best of his ability, but much of it still consisted of "TBD." That only reinforced my concern that we still didn't have a clear, mutual understanding of what the assignment actually involved. When I explained that I needed detailed written answers before I could move forward, the groom
    via throwra4mom
  • 14
    insisted that I had already been given all of those details months earlier. The problem was that I did not remember those conversations the same way, and they certainly hadn't left me with enough information to confidently plan an international assignment. At that point I explained that, because we clearly had different understandings of what had previously been discussed, I was no longer comfortable relying on memory or verbal conversations. I wanted
    via throwra4mom
  • 15
    everything documented in writing and wanted to draft a new agreement that reflected the assignment as it actually existed now, not the verbal understanding we had reached back in December. I also explained that, from my perspective, the original agreement had changed. They were unwilling to acknowledge that they viewed the scope of the assignment any differently than they had from the beginning. From there, the communication
    via throwra4mom
  • 16
    continued to deteriorate. I repeatedly expressed that I was becoming uncomfortable with the tone of the conversations and felt like I was being criticized and honestly insulted for asking the very questions about the itineraries they had has sent that I needed answered in order to perform my job, rather than having those questions addressed. For example, when I asked which shoots were expected on certain
    via throwra4mom
  • 17
    days because I needed to plan lodging, transportation, scheduling, and budget, the groom responded by asking if I had "big plans" those days instead of answering my questions. I repeatedly explained that I wasn't refusing to photograph anything. I simply needed enough information to understand what I was committing to before traveling internationally. I also repeatedly. asked that we continue discussing things in writing because we'd
    via throwra4mom
  • 18
    A table decorated with flowers and plates, prepared for a wedding, model image.
    via Photos by Lanty

    A table decorated with flowers and plates, prepared for a wedding, model image. 

  • 19
    reached a point where we remembered previous conversations differently. Instead of answering many of my questions in writing, I was repeatedly pushed toward phone calls. From my perspective, those phone calls historically ended with answers like "we're still figuring it out," which is exactly why I wanted everything documented. As these conversations continued, I repeatedly told the groom I was becoming uncomfortable with the
    via throwra4mom
  • 20
    tone of our conversations. I never felt those concerns were acknowledged. I also felt there were repeated implications that they were somehow doing me a favor by bringing me, despite the fact that I had turned away thousands of dollars in work and had already spent my own money planning around our original agreement. Today, after I took about 24 hours to process another passive aggressive message, I was told my lack of communication was becoming a
    via throwra4mom
  • 21
    serious concern because the wedding was only a month away. From my perspective, I had spent months waiting for answers I needed in order to plan an international assignment. Even during our final conversations, new information kept appearing. For the first time today, I learned they apparently had a wedding planner coordinating transportation and a private driver, things that had never been mentioned despite months of me asking logistical questions.
    via throwra4mom
  • 22
    Another proposed solution to my lodging expense concerns was that I simply stay with the groom's parents. I explained that I wasn't comfortable traveling internationally for work and relying on staying with people I'd never met especially since they were his parents, and I felt like even that concern wasn't really understood, as he insisted there was 0 difference in staying with his parents, and a peer my age I had just spent months planning with. At that point I realized the
    via throwra4mom
  • 23
    problem wasn't just the itinerary anymore. I no longer trusted that we were operating under the same understanding, and I no longer felt comfortable traveling internationally where I'd be relying on them for communication, transportation, and logistics. I withdrew from photographing the wedding. Since withdrawing, they've asked me to reimburse them for the airfare they purchased and accommodation expenses. Before
    via throwra4mom
  • 24
    making this post, I contacted United myself to understand exactly what the options were. United told me the ticket was purchased as a Basic Economy fare without the additional flexibility that would have allowed them to pursue a refund under those circumstances. They explained that the ticket is non- refundable and that any remaining value after cancellation would only exist as a non- transferable flight credit in my name because the ticket was
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  • 25
    issued to me. I have no interest in keeping or using that credit if the flight is canceled, but according to United it also cannot simply be transferred back to the purchaser. They're also asking me to reimburse them for Airbnb accommodations that were originally booked for me and the two other travelers I was supposed to be staying with. To my knowledge (and i've asked), neither of those guests has been asked to reimburse anything after changing their plans, which has
    via throwra4mom
  • 26
    left me confused as to why I'm being asked to cover those accommodation costs. I have been doing this for almost 10 years and I have never gotten to a point where I've had to withdraw myself from any photo shot let alone a wedding, let alone a month out from said wedding, in the same instance, I truly have never been spoken to or treated the in the way that I have by the groom. Above anything else I no longer feel safe
    via throwra4mom
  • 27
    seamripper970 Also, you might have an issue with your visa, a working trip usually means a completely different visa vs a tourist visa. You might have gotten away with taking pictures of your friends wedding. But this is on a whole different level and the amount of equipment you'd be bringing would be a huge red flag to customs.
    via throwra4mom
  • 28
    fotoman888 You're a professional photographer. As one myself, I tried never to get involved in arrangements like this. Price this properly, present it to them, and if they balk you just say that you can't do it for less. You're a professional,
    via throwra4mom
  • 29
    chemicalecks NTA. After you didn't go for the okey doke, they thought you could be bu ed into continuing to be scammed on the basis of a sham friendship based on your future usefulness. You maybe should have pulled out earlier, but even that was you attempting to be considerate where you received none. Keep your receipts and don't hesitate to
    via throwra4mom
  • 30
    publish them if the couple tries to badmouth you.
    via throwra4mom

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marriage drama destination wedding photographer
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