30-year-old making $45K judges boyfriend making the same for being financially illiterate, despite the fact that she relies on her family for financial support: 'My family will happily transfer multiple thousands of dollars to me.'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Aug 26, 2026 7:45 AM EDT

Is she really better with money than he is, or did she grow up rich?

There is a big difference between the financial security of someone who grew up with rich parents and someone who didn't. Two people could be earning the same relatively low salary and be in completely different financial places. Someone with rich parents probably didn't have to take out student loans to go to college, so they enter the working world without debt. Their parents might not pay their bills, but they might give them cash to save for retirement, unlike someone whose parents are struggling financially themselves. If your parents can't pay their bills, you might feel obliged to send money back home to support them. If you're only making $45K, you can barely afford to support yourself, let alone your aging parents! 

The couple in this story are in very different places financially. They have the same salary, but their parents' financial situations inform theirs. 

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  • 01
    Unhappy couple arguing on the sofa
    via Curated Lifestyle (Unsplash+)

    A couple arguing about finances and moving in together. 

    Picture does not depict real parties.

  • 02

    I'm moving in with my boyfriend with a financial relationship gap

    I (30) come from a middle/upper middle class family. I know I will never be on the streets, I have multiple safety nets and very well off family that I can fall back on. My partner (32) comes from a lower/middle class family that is secure but not as much as I am.
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  • 03

    She has a financial safety net that most people making $45K just don't have. She knows that if she messes up, her parents will always be there to bail her out, and her boyfriend doesn't have parents who can do that.

    Personally, I am financially literate and have worked really hard to keep myself secure. I make 45k at a nonprofit, save what I can and spend as little as possible. I am able to make so little because I was raised with financial literacy, and I know if I ever need anything my family. will happily transfer multiple thousands of dollars to me, or co-sign (don't get me twisted, this is max $10k).
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  • 04

    It doesn't sound like they're in a great place financially, so their girlfriend has a right to be concerned.

    My partner is financially illiterate; they "bank" through. prepaid cards and I see constant texts from debt collection agencies on their phone. Their family is generationally okay. Their grandparent has money and has helped their other family members in the past. My partner is not destitute, just very bad with money.
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  • 05

    It's a good idea to put your sibling as your beneficiary on your accounts instead of your boyfriend or girlfriend. If you break up and forget to change the beneficiary, it's going to be a complete mess if you pass away.

    I intend to get a prenup if we marry, my sibling is my beneficiary on all accounts, and the money I will inherit will be put into a family trust. Me and my partner are trying to get an apartment. Because of my salary being $45k, and theirs being similar, we could barely be approved for sh.
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  • 06
    Tidy room filled with furniture
    via deborah cortelazzi

    A small apartment that the couple could not qualify for. 

    Stock photo unrelated.

  • 07

    It doesn't sound like they're ready to move-in together.

    I'm really torn between just putting it in my name and having my partner pay me (they have a bad habit of not paying. me back in full). Or putting my foot down and saying that you have to find a way to make up the money! They are really pushing to move, and do not have the money!
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  • 08

    Technically, the legal responsibility is on her parents, not her.

    Our lease is up 9/30, so it's getting down to the wire. Realistically, I can just have my parent co-sign my lease and my partner will pay me half and not be on the lease. But I think that's so unfair that the legal responsibility be on me because they aren't as smart with money.
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  • 09

    They're going to have a hard time living together if one of them can't be trusted to pay the bills on time. That's not the kind of person that you want to marry, unless they have commited to changing their ways and have actually put the work into doing so

    Is it worth it for me to just shut up and get the place that I want, and we can afford (but they can't qualify for) and just have my parent co-sign. Or should I make my partner face the music and realize that we can only qualify for what we can qualify for with their credentials as well. I'm okay living in something smaller, and more out of the way if so.
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  • 10
    tipareth 1978 Lol well time to face the fact that having parents who will send you thousands of dollars doesnt make you "financially literate". Once you stop kidding yourself and acting superior you'll be a lot better. Take every transfer they give you and add it to your 45k and that's your real income. The fact that you look at someone who doesn't have that extra income and think that the real reason is some superior ability of yours makes you kind of a person.
    via u/tipareth1978
  • 11
    CatDaddyZal OP did not say they were receiving money, only that it was a possibility if needed. And the numbers they did state as a potential were quite low. "Thousands" is a very small annual increase. You are in fact the one acting superior, not OP.
    via u/CatDaddyZal
  • 12
    RandomUser5453 I think is a bad idea to put just yourself on the lease and expect your partner to pay you especially that you say that they have a bad habit not paying you back. I think there will be quite a few arrangements because of that. Just go ahead with what you two can afford. Also try to discuss from now what are you doing with the bills. Like are you paying them 50/50 or someone is in charge of x and the other of y or what are you doing. Of you want to marry this person as you mentione
    via u/RandomUser5453
  • 13
    beergal621 I don't think you're as "well off" as you think you are. Your family sends you money when you ask. Your partner dosent have a family to bail them out so they have debt. $90k in 2026 for two working adults in their 30s is low income. Youre both low income.
    via u/beergal621
  • 14
    No_Permission_2359 Mismatched financial expectations are in the top 3 reasons for divorce. Do not believe that you can change your partner.
    via u/No_Permission_2359
  • 15
    Few-Pangolin-9323 It sounds more like a compatibility issue than a financial one, i think the partners should agree on major matters like money and part of being together is learning from each other and this is where your partner needs to learn from you, you can only force these things up to a certain level after which a breakdown will eventually come, either the partnership will break or the financial well being will, I am also sensing that you have already talked to them about it and nothing m
    via u/Few-Pangolin-9323
  • 16
    You already sound stressed and taking this massive liability with someone who is irresponsible financially will ruin your peace of mind and financial health for a very long time and it's not a matter of if but when, please audit your relationship, this is a wake up call for you and don't take your partner's word for it if it's not reflected in their action, i know it might be difficult for you but the other thing is worse.
    via u/Few-Pangolin-9323
  • 17
    Upstate-walstib If you already live together and they continue to be financially irresponsible and not paying you money owed, why on earth would you continue to live with them? I would use your lease expiry as an opportunity to get out of this situation.
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relationship advice money problems relationships financial money boyfriend finance moving in moving in together poor people girlfriend finances rich people financial support dating
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