Painfully Hilarious Ash-Scattering Gone Wrong Is Killing Twitter
Funerals and memorials aren't usually occasions that send us into fits of uncontrollable laughter, but this viral Twitter thread is proving us wrong. Comedian Mitch Feltscheer found himself in a very funny situation at his grandmother's ash-scattering ceremony, and decided that the internet had to know. We're decidedly pleased at his openness, and we think you will be, too.
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The hardest I've ever laughed in my entire life was a few years ago at my grandma's ashes scattering ceremony. A Thread:
— Mitch Feltscheer (@mitchfel) May 29, 2018Via @mitchfel
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So a year to the day after her funeral the extended Feltscheer family gathered at her favourite spot in the world, with the idea being every one would take some of grandma's ashes and find a place to have a private moment of reflection and scatter her.
— Mitch Feltscheer (@mitchfel) May 29, 2018Via @mitchfel
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Or as my dad (who was inexplicably in charge of proceedings) described it "everyone grabs a placcy cup and a scoop of grandma and you can go chuck her wherever you want".
— Mitch Feltscheer (@mitchfel) May 29, 2018Via @mitchfel
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Grandma's favourite spot by the way, was a clearing atop a headland overlooking beachside cliffs and like literally every other day ever, it was insanely windy up there.
— Mitch Feltscheer (@mitchfel) May 29, 2018Via @mitchfel
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Mmm.
I'm talking borderline cyclonic, like, you couldn't even crack open her urn without a bit of grandma escaping and flitting straight into the nearest cousin's face.
— Mitch Feltscheer (@mitchfel) May 29, 2018Via @mitchfel
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A new plan was quickly hatched. We'd somehow traverse the cliff face to get down to sea level where it would hopefully be less windy and dad would wade out a few metres and scatter her in the water as we'd watch. Easy.
— Mitch Feltscheer (@mitchfel) May 29, 2018Via @mitchfel
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After the task of getting a couple of 50 year-old aunties in heels down a steep path (fun!), we gathered in the winter sun and Dad hitched up his pants and awkwardly hobbled out into the sea.
— Mitch Feltscheer (@mitchfel) May 29, 2018Via @mitchfel
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Despite the setbacks so far, at this point it was looking like we'd actually salvaged the whole event and we held eachother and looked on as dad yelled back "HERE WE GO!" opening the urn to a sudden explosive gust of wind, ejecting grandma into the air like a firework.
— Mitch Feltscheer (@mitchfel) May 29, 2018Via @mitchfel
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At this point my brothers and I are holding in laughter at the absolute scene going down in front of us when suddenly the unmistakeable sound of a jetski rounds the headland and two 20-somethings come gunning straight for where grandma is falling into the sea.
— Mitch Feltscheer (@mitchfel) May 29, 2018Via @mitchfel
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They don't just churn through grandmas ashes, they literally chuck a hard turn right in the middle of her, shooting grandma-soup up into the air. I'm pretty sure an aunty literally clutched her pearls.
— Mitch Feltscheer (@mitchfel) May 29, 2018Via mitchfel
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My brothers and I are in physical agony trying not to laugh at this point, as dad comes ambling back to the shore to a dozen or so silent Feltscheers trying to comprehend what just happened.
— Mitch Feltscheer (@mitchfel) May 29, 2018Via @mitchfel
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Dad pauses and turns back to the sea. He puts his hands on his hips and with an utterly straight face sighs melancholically and says "Well. She always loved jetskis".
— Mitch Feltscheer (@mitchfel) May 29, 2018Via @mitchfel
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And thats how I ended up sprawled on the sand on a Sunday morning, clutching my sides laughing as my dead grandma's ashes get churned out the back of a jetski. FIN.
— Mitch Feltscheer (@mitchfel) May 29, 2018Via @mitchfel
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