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37 Cringey Dad Jokes That'll Prepare You For Father's Day

Father's Day is coming up on Sunday, so we're bracing ourselves for some really bad dad jokes and capitalist Hallmark propaganda! The truth is, whether or not you have a father figure, these cringey jokes make the whole day worthwhile. Or at least distract you from the crowded restaurants and overly male gifts.

Posted by haunted_admin
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  • 1
    Text - If you walk into a forest and cut down a tree, but the tree doesn't understand why you cut it down, do you think it's stumped?
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  • 2
    Text - What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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  • 3
    Text - Why do valley girls hang out in odd numbered groups? Because they can't even.
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  • 4
    Text - I couldn't figure out how the seat belt worked Then it just clicked.
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  • 5
    Text - What do you call a dad that has fallen through the ice? A Popsicle.
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  • 6
    Text - Two parrots are sitting on a perch. One turns to the other and asks, "do you smell fish?"
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  • 7
    Text - How many apples grow on a tree? All of them!
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  • 8
    Text - Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building? Of course. The Empire State Building can't jump.
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  • 9
    Text - What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.
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  • 10
    Text - Why don't skeletons ever go trick or treating? Because they have nobody to go with.
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  • 11
    Text - I just got fired from a florist, apparently I took too many leaves.
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  • 12
    Text - What does a female snake use for support? A co-Bra!
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  • 13
    Green - "Dad, I'm cold." "Go stand in the corner, I hear it's 90 degrees."
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  • 14
    Text - What do you call a careful wolf? Aware wolf.
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  • 15
    Green - What kind of bagel can fly? A plain bagel.
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  • 16
    Text - I was just looking at my ceiling. Not sure if it's the best ceiling in the world, but it's definitely up there.
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  • 17
    Text - "My Dog has no nose." "How does he smell?" "Awful"
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  • 18
    Text - What do you call a dog that can do magic tricks? A labracadabrador
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  • 19
    Text - What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
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  • 20
    Text - What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
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  • 21
    Text - Why did the half blind man fall in the well? Because he couldn't see that well!
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  • 22
    Text - How do you steal a coat? You jacket.
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  • 23
    Text - As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden. The plot thickens.
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  • 24
    Text - It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs, because they take everything literally.
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  • 25
    Text - Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
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  • 26
    Text - It's difficult to say what my wife does, she sells sea shells by the sea shore.
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  • 27
    Text - What do you call a monkey in a mine field? A babooooom!
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  • 28
    Text - I'm reading a book on the history of glue. Can't put it down.
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  • 29
    Text - Why do choirs keep bucketse handy? So they can carry their tune.
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  • 30
    Text - Just watched a documentary about beavers. Best dam show I've ever seen.
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  • 31
    Text - Want to hear a joke about construction? Nah, I'm still working on it.
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  • 32
    Text - You can't run through a camp site. You can only ran, because it's past tents.
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  • 33
    Text - Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It's ok, he woke up.
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  • 34
    Text - They're making a movie about clocks. It's about time.
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  • 35
    Text - I was going to get a brain transplant, but I changed my mind.
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  • 36
    Green - Archaeology really is a career in ruins.
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  • 37
    Green - Why can't you use "Beef stew" as a password? Because it's not stroganoff.
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    haunted_admin
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