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41 Dad Jokes so Funny They'll Make Your Dad Say "Hi Laughing, I'm Dad"

There's nothing in this world quite like a good (bad) dad joke. The simplicity and elegance of a stupid pun perfectly executed can make you feel like you're in the back seat of a car on your way to soccer practice. In any case, here are several days worth of wonderful puns. For more, here are some of tumblr's most punishingly dad-tastic jokes.

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  • 1
    Text - If you walk into a forest and cut down a tree, but the tree doesn't understand why you cut it down, do you think it's stumped?
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  • 2
    Text - Why don't skeletons ever go trick or treating? Because they have nobody to go with.
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  • 3
    Text - I just got fired from a florist, apparently I took too many leaves.
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  • 4
    Text - What do you call a bee that lives in America? A USB.
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  • 5
    Text - Why do valley girls hang out in odd numbered groups? Because they can't even.
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  • 6
    Text - What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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  • 7
    Green - What kind of bagel can fly? A plain bagel.
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  • 8
    Text - I was just looking at my ceiling. Not sure if it's the best ceiling in the world, but it's definitely up there.
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  • 9
    Text - What do you give a sick lemon? Lemonaid.
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  • 10
    Text - As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden. The plot thickens.
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  • 11
    Text - Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
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  • 12
    Text - It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs, because they take everything literally.
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  • 13
    Text - What do you call a dog that can do magic tricks? A labracadabrador
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  • 14
    Text - What does a female snake use for support? A co-Bra!
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  • 15
    Text - I couldn't figure out how the seat belt worked Then it just clicked.
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  • 16
    Text - "My Dog has no nose." "How does he smell?" "Awful"
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  • 17
    Green - "Dad, I'm cold." "Go stand in the corner, I hear it's 90 degrees."
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  • 18
    Text - It's difficult to say what my wife does, she sells sea shells by the sea shore.
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  • 19
    Text - Just watched a documentary about beavers. Best dam show I've ever seen.
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  • 20
    Text - Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It's ok, he woke up.
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  • 21
    Text - You can't run through a camp site. You can only ran, because it's past tents.
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  • 22
    Text - What do you call a dad that has fallen through the ice? A Popsicle.
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  • 23
    Text - Why do choirs keep bucketse handy? So they can carry their tune.
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  • 24
    Text - What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.
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  • 25
    Text - Want to hear a joke about construction? Nah, I'm still working on it.
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  • 26
    Text - I was going to get a brain transplant, but I changed my mind.
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  • 27
    Text - What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
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  • 28
    Text - They're making a movie about clocks. It's about time.
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  • 29
    Green - Why can't you use "Beef stew" as a password? Because it's not stroganoff.
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  • 30
    Green - Dad, make me a sandwich. Dad: Poof! You're a sandwich.
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  • 31
    Text - What do you call a monkey in a mine field? A babooooom!
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  • 32
    Text - What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
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  • 33
    Text - How do you steal a coat? You jacket.
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  • 34
    Text - How many apples grow on a tree? All of them!
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  • 35
    Text - Two parrots are sitting on a perch. One turns to the other and asks, "do you smell fish?"
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  • 36
    Text - Bad at golf? Join the club.
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  • 37
    Text - Why did the half blind man fall in the well? Because he couldn't see that well!
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  • 38
    Text - Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building? Of course. The Empire State Building can't jump.
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  • 39
    Text - What do you call a careful wolf? Aware wolf.
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  • 40
    Green - Archaeology really is a career in ruins.
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  • 41
    Text - I'm reading a book on the history of glue. Can't put it down.
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