Memebase

Fresh Tweets From The Clever Depths Of Twitter

Twitter is an absolute cesspool of political drama, porn, and general dumbassery. But sometimes people who are a hell of a lot funnier than we are show their comic mettle in the form of a tweet. We've put together some of these funny tidbits in case you need a reminder that Twitter can still be entertaining and not just horrible.

  • 1
    Text - karl hess @karlhess in my opinion yamaha is probably the best grand piano/motorcycle company out there 1:06 PM 02 Sep 19 Twitter for iPhone
    Via anlyin
  • Advertisement
  • 2
    Text - Pre K @stayfrea_ Benadryl smart as hell. U cant have allergies when u asleep for 7 hours
    Via anlyin
  • 3
    Text - Anne T. Donahue @annetdonahue oh so you liked HOT GIRL SUMMER? well, buckle the fuck up for EXHAUSTED ADULT FALL. our drink of choice is a lukewarm coffee from earlier this morning, and we eat our meals standing over the sink. the tagline? "i think i'm getting sick." our theme? whatever's already playing.
    Via anlyin
  • 4
    Text - I think it was a bit premature for @Starbucks to close #Orlando stores starting YESTERDAY. I get safety of staff but you're the ONLY business closed in the complex yesterday & our #Dorian forecast is clear even today. Disappointed in one of my favorite companies. #HurricaneDorian Choose another store to order ahead Due to Hurricane Dorian, for the safety of our partners and customers, A barista will be glad to take your order here in person. our store will be closed today. Got it We look
    Via anlyin
  • Advertisement
  • 5
    Finger - Evan J Worthen @harambevan My girlfriend left a tampon at my apartment and idk where the left one is. Anyone know where I can get a single left tampon to keep a set here for emergencies?
    Via anlyin
  • 6
    Text - Troop @Troop_CoD BREAKING: HERE'S THE LATEST TRACK OF DORIAN. BACK TO YOU KAREN #Dorian2019 CANADA UNITED ST OF AME BAR CUBA DOMINICAN HAITI REPUBLIC ATL BELIZE HONDURAS JAMAICA GUATEMALA LSALVADOR NICARAGUA DAD AND TOSAGO
    Via anlyin
  • 7
    Product - living dead girl @cptlayne so this is what ke$ha meant @craysounds_ 2d CRAY Morning! Starting my day off right. Teeth health is so important JACK DANIELS LISTERINE WHISKEY FLAVOR 40% ALCOHOL Tennessee SOUR MASH WHISKEY KILLS GERMS,REZ PROBABLY
    Via anlyin
  • Advertisement
  • 8
    Text - Nate Usher @thenatewolf ME: the internet used to come in through the phone. It made a terrible noise, like robots screaming. GRANDSON: hush grandpa take your pills
    Via anlyin
  • 9
    Text - Ross Sayers @Sayers33 Millennial culture is going to a pub quiz, naming your team 'Quiz All Over My Face', getting full marks for the film & music rounds, doing crap on history & sport, and coming 2nd to a group of old guys who are on first name terms with the quizmaster
    Via anlyin
  • 10
    Text - E.F.P @TheLastFunnyOne Children are the best fundraisers because they don't understand basic economics; Principal: The student who raises more than $500 gets a free hat! 12 year old me: This is such a great deal #FirstDayOfSchool #whitepeople #Economics 12:30 PM 03 Sep 19 Twitter for Android
    Via anlyin
  • Advertisement
  • 11
    Text - Eric with an A (Erac) @barbaric_aric I went to a new seminar today. I didn't want to disturb the speaker, so I tried to sneeze into my elbow. There was a Cough drop in my mouth, so Iended up blowing a giant raspberry on my arm. It literally echoed. I won't be going back. 5/15/19, 12:52 PM
    Via anlyin
  • 12
    Text - No one: Millennials: Let me just put it this way: If were shot in the head, I'm pretty sure everything would be fine. almost welcome it.
    Via anlyin
  • 13
    Text - Co @1800CO Girl I'd knock you out for Popeyes chicken sandwich Justine Deborah @99_nelago_04 3d Would you punch me for $4 million??? Show this thread 11:58 AM 31 Aug 19 Twitter for iPhone 16.6K Retweets 66.4K Likes
    Via anlyin
  • Advertisement
  • 14
    Text - Tony Hawk @tonyhawk At will call: I have 2 tickets for Hawk agent: "Can I see your ID?" me: I forgot it but I have a credit card other agent: "He's Tony Hawk" agent: "he doesn't have ID" guy behind me: "that's him" agent: "I can't find your name" me: there is no E on the end agent: "here you go"
    Via anlyin
  • 15
    Text - JOAN OF ART @umcornell so i just found out that apparently, lemon isn't naturally occurring and is a hybrid by cross breeding a bitter orange and a citron, which means life never gave us lemons; we invented them all by ourselves THE HOOD ORACLE @emoblac... Nov 10, 2018 What's on y'all mind 7:11 PM Nov 16, 2018 Twitter for iPhone 259.1K Likes 74.1K Retweets
    Via anlyin
  • 16
    Text - Darian Jones @solodolo516 I applied to the Bachelor, but them mfs taking way too long so I'm about to invite 20 of my tinder matches to the same bar and figure this shit out my damn self
    Via anlyin
  • Advertisement
  • 17
    Text - Kevin Ryan @KevinRyanComedy DNKN' Uber: Making poor people feel fancy since 2011
    Via anlyin
  • 18
    Text - Derpybear Follow @Derpybearr Top 15 peoppe I wanna meet IRL 1 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8 9. 10. 11 12. 13 14. 15. I'm antisocial 8:49 PM - 1 Sep 2019 20 Retweets 186 Likes ti20 10 186
    Via anlyin
  • 19
    Water - Alex Midd @alexmidd86 Corporate America be like: Access to clean water: is it *really* essential for a healthy lifestyle? 11:14 AM 02 Sep 19 Twitter for Android
    Via anlyin
  • Advertisement
  • 20
    Text - martha knight @marthonite 'no worries if not!' I type, with full knowledge that, if not, I will worry 9:35 AM 27 Aug 19 Twitter for iPhone 13.3K Retweets 60.9K Likes
    Via anlyin
  • 21
    Text - @lotives don't put ur business on social media & then tell us to mind our business. bitch, i'm on season 3, episode 4 of ur bullshit
    Via anlyin
  • 22
    Text - Molly Priddy @mollypriddy am 33 years old, sees my fifth-grade teacher* me: "Oh man, hi Mrs. Smith!" Mrs. Smith: "hi! you know you can call me Anne now, we're both adults!" me: "hahah absolutely not, have a nice summer though, great to see you, Mrs. Smith!"
    Via anlyin
  • Advertisement
  • 23
    Plant - @annajames33 anna first time in subway and the worker took a picture of my order am I doing this wrong WHY MAS S Subs on th Fdelicios bh WAY MRK SUBWAY SUBWAY W CHOICES Enjoy NEWa te m Extra Toppings pieed Beetroot toe
    Via anlyin
  • 24
    Text - trenton @asapswivel i'm deleting tinder 10:29 10:22 LTE lLTE Niki Angie YOU MATCHED WITH NIKI ON 8/25/19 YOU MATCHED WITH ANGIE ON 8/25/19 Imagine this. We are both strangers in a grocery store but we will some how make eye contact in the produce section. My hands are full of limes I am Imagine this. We are both strangers in a grocery store but we will some how make eye contact in the produce section. My hands are full of limes I am unable to hold all of them. Limes are unable to hold all
    Via anlyin
  • 25
    Product - trenton @asapswivel i'm deleting tinder Angie YOU MATCHED WITH ANGIE ON 8/25/19 10:39 LTE Imagine this. We are both strangers in a grocery store but we will some how make eye contact in the produce section. My hands are full of limes I am unable to hold all of them. Limes are falling all over the ground. Rolling left, right and just all over. You rush over in an effort to help and I look deeply in to your eyes and say, "sorry I'm bad at pickup limes" Today 10:21 PM Okay, that was reall
    Via anlyin
  • Advertisement
  • 26
    Text - Erica @eerriicaa A wedding? You mean an open bar where two people are getting married
    Via anlyin
  • 27
    Text - Katie Hannigan @katiehannigan My friend got a degree in egyptology, but can't get a job, So he's paying more money to get a Phd, so he can work teaching other people egyptology. In his case college is literally a pyramid scheme.
    Via anlyin
  • 28
    Text - 10:06 nM 97 Tweet Kellen @captainkalvis there are 20 billion hot dogs made each year they are each 6 inches long that's 10 billion feet of hot dogs the moon is only 1 billion feet away from earth so that means... [narrows eyes] hot dog moon bridge
    Via anlyin
  • Advertisement
  • 29
    Text - 13 year old me: why is my mom texting me? mE now: i'm gonna send my mom a pic of this grass cause it's super green.I think she'll like it.
    Via anlyin
  • 30
    Text - Iron Rhyme @Rhymestyle 24m So they took a handful of MacBooks and 3 iPhones? G Gizmodo @Gizmodo 13h Thieves steal more than $300,000 in Apple products after smashing glass wall with sledgehammer gizmo.do/ hTObliO POICE 5 t25 83
    Via anlyin

Tags

twitter adulting tinder fresh tweets clever tweets social media funny tweets funny dating

About the Author

Posted by  ada_admin
Ada Elder has been creating content for Cheezburger since 2017. Her hobbies include cooking, rescuing cats, and spending money on vet bills. She graduated top of her class in the Navy Seals, and has been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and has over 300 confirmed kills. She is trained in gorilla warfare and is the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to her but just another target.

Next on Memebase

Dank & Nerdy Memes Fresh From The Meme-Press

Dank & Nerdy Memes Fresh From The Meme-Press

Comments

About the Author

Posted by  ada_admin
Ada Elder has been creating content for Cheezburger since 2017. Her hobbies include cooking, rescuing cats, and spending money on vet bills. She graduated top of her class in the Navy Seals, and has been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and has over 300 confirmed kills. She is trained in gorilla warfare and is the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to her but just another target.

Hot Today

The Best Relatable Work Memes This Week (May 16, 2022) 1
A Tantalizing Treat of Random Memes 2
Informative Thread Explains Why Most Companies Don’t Like Pay Transparency 3
20+ Highlights And Hijinks From The Recesses Of Tumblr 4
A Cromulent Collection Of Memes And Things 5
Tenants Get Satisfying Revenge On Landlord Trying To Unfairly Evict Them 6
Seemingly Serendipitous Moments of Coincidental Humor 1
20+ Highlights And Hijinks From The Recesses Of Tumblr 2
Amusing Discord Statuses That Perfectly Represent The Chaos Of The Platform 3
Ridiculous Times 'Smart Devices' Were Laughably Dumb 4
Gen Z Moments That Are Either Next-Level Cringe or Masterful Satire 5
Informative Thread Explains Why Most Companies Don’t Like Pay Transparency 6

Follow The Laughs

Terms | Privacy | Security | DMCA Policy