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Act my Age? Why don't you act your IQ?

I mean, I'm normally more considerate

Earl you sick bastard! My mouth was open and everything!

Just... saying

I can haz coffee?

Do You Offer Them Deep Fried?

Naw. You gotta hold out until they offer a cheezburger.

In a world where dogs are dominant.

Dr Dogs

I decided to work here because I heard there was a mouse in every cubicle.

Clarence took the "talking out both sides of your face" idiom to a whole new level.

loss of finger in three, two, one.......

You violated Cat Rules #63 . . . you used a new type of litter without the approval of your kitty.

combine tuna, budgie, and gerbil pink frosting is just the icing on the tunbudger

I really wish my humans would have children.

The Nose Knows