This Week's Top Celebrity News: A Satirical Roundup (October 19, 2020)

  • 1. Kris Jenner says something really, really dumb.


    On the decision to finally end Keeping Up With The Kardashians, Kris Jenner explained it was because social media changed the game, giving fans access into their lives. Facebook became popular 11 years ago, Kris. What else you got?

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  • 2. Prince Harry is staying put. For now. Watch this space!

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    Despite recent reports that Prince Harry is about to head home to England, he and Meghan are not returning anytime soon because of social isolation guidelines and hating that side of the family.

  • 3. Netflix has a new social distancing show, so you can't escape your reality anymore

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    Netflix made a show about quarantine called "Social Distance" for everyone who wants to remember the traumatizing experience they are still living today.

  • 4. Timothee Chalamet embarrassed by last year's make-out session. We've all been there.


    Timothee Chalamet opened up about the viral paparazzi photos of him and Lili-Rose Depp making out on a boat in Capri last year. He admitted to feeling embarrassed by them and promised himself he would start keeping his eyes open when smooching with a girl. Or how else is he supposed to make sure no paparazzi are lurking?

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  • 5. Katie Holmes still happy one month into new relationship. Well done!

    Photograph - BAJBAR

    Sources say Katie Holmes is still very much in love with Emilio Vitolo and they are, by all accounts, having a great time together. Good on them for managing to stay happy after one month of dating.

  • 6. Joe Jonas and Sophie Turner are in love and asleep.


    Joe Jonas and Sophie Turner celebrated their engagement anniversary by sharing a cute picture of the two of them on Instagram looking in love and sleepy AF.

  • 7. In case you didn't know Hailey was married to Justin, she got a tattoo.


    Hailey Baldwin got tattooed the letter "J" with a star on her ring finger in honor of her husband Justin Bieber. Luckily, it also works as a "J" for jackass in case they get a divorce.


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