Funny Tumblr Posts And Tidbits For Your Scrolling Pleasure

  • 01
    Font - wodneswynn "Look at this snake! He's grumpy!" Well, Steve Irwin, if a cloud giant ten hundred times the size of G-d picked me up I think I would probably be grumpy toO wodneswynn "I'm sorry l'm late. I was accosted by a colossal beast on my way here." "Oh, goodness! Are you okay?" "Yes he was actually very polite." cipheramnesia [blushing] "he said i was gorgeous" 3,636 notes
  • 02
    Font - Stellar conversation on BBC Wales today teashoesandhair Caller: I live in America now, since the 80s, but I'm visiting family in Wales this week, and I thought I'd ring in. Host: Why did you move from Wales to America? Caller: I actually moved because of a woman. Host: Who's the lucky lady? Caller: Margaret Thatcher.
  • 03
    Rectangle - zacwells How long does your ideal hug last futurefantastic 38-45 minutes zacwells that's really impractical futurefantastic u said ideal, not realistic 642,181 notes A
  • 04
    Azure - halcyon-deluxe Follow absolutely no one: Straight Men on dating apps: bricklayergay Follow this implies cindrella is straight man halcyon-deluxe Follow halcyon-deluxe Follow cinderella!?
  • 05
    Font - marissarei Coconuts have only been in the Caribbean for 500 years. They just..floated on over from Asia and took root. That's...hilarious. itcomesbetweenus Wait really? I always thought they were if not native at least brought over on purpose marissarei Right??? l'm watching this nature doc and when the narrator said that I nearly spit my drink giggling. They're remarkably buoyant and just bob their way to a new shore. So carefree. Truly a fruit destined to be in the Caribbean. thisisnota
  • 06
    Font - injuries-in-dust S tilthat TIL that Charondas, a Greek legislator, created a law that anyone who brought weapons into the Assembly must be put to death. He entered the Assembly with his sword still attached, and proceeded to kill himself to carry out the law he himself created. via reddit.com injuries-in-dust The last time any politician thought that the laws applied to them. 258 notes A
  • 07
    Font - BAD ONES badjokesbyjeff BY JEFF A storm blew away 25% of my roof last night. Oof first-lady-of-infinity had to stop, look up from my phone, and take a deep breath before reblogging. medic981 I am equal parts angry and impressed.
  • 08
    Cat - emil Follow my roommates keep bullying my cat by calling his name repeatedly to get his attention and then going "bababooie" every time he looks at them emil Follow they also laugh and go "get bababooied" and he always looks so lost the face of a man scandalized
  • 09
    Product - pukicho ... S pukicho "Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery" my mom said as my 3rd grade bully repeated everything I said in a caveman voice. blg-meaty-claws Follow "ImltaTion iS thE siNceREST foRm OF FIATterY" mY mOm sald AS mY 3Rd gRadE buLIY rePeAteD eveRytHinG i sAid iN a CavEmaN vOiCe. pukicho (adult swim)
  • 10
    Font - acapelladitty I wish I put as much effort into my life as Phil Collins did into the Tarzan soundtrack mendes-holland One time my Spanish 2 teacher was like "I dont have a lesson today. We're watching Tarzan" and put it in the VHS (This was 2010). We [sophomores - seniors, I was a junior] were super excited. The movie starts and my friend and I look at each other and say at the same time "IS PHIL COLLINS SINGING IN SPANISH?!" went home that night and found out Phil Collins sang the songs i
  • 11
    Font - narwhalsarefalling introduced my mom to pirating websites now she's watched "so many movies I haven't seen in years! for free!" and she wants me to “tell your internet followers about this!" narwhalsarefalling she does want me to warn you "don't click on those ads with the very pretty ladies!" and that "please tell those lesbians on the internet not to fall for it!" nuggetemily #as a lesbian on the internet tell your mom thank you i will be very careful
  • 12
    Wood - bobacupcake im in quarantine so no ones allowed to interact with me but theres something objectively hilarious about hearing a knock at the door and when you go to open it this is all you see ruining-the-surprise Prop hunt
  • 13
    Font - skinks the penalty box in hockey is such a funny concept to me. big fighty men go in the naughty cube. imprisoned for sports crimes runcibility Go to the terrarium and think about your punching, you knife-footed ice-gremlin cipheramnesia All they do is sit there plotting their little gremlin plans for as soon as you let em out of the gremlin cube.
  • 14
    Font - katana-wielding-bookworm I want Terry Crews and Vin Diesel to do a buddy cop movie where they are both secret nerds but they don't want the other to know. Like Vin Diesel plays D & D on weekends and Terry likes to create epic crossover fan art. Somehow they have to work undercover at Comic Con and for what ever reason I need Daniel Radcliffe to be the villain. rizaoftheowls I'd like to add: not a character played by Dan Radcliffe. Dan Radcliffe, appearing as himself. dragontatoes no, no w
  • 15
    Cartoon - SONIC Not another speeding ticket I'd fight it in court but I don't think they laccept "Gotta SONIC goffast" as amedical condhion sonicsis Is this show even real?
  • 16
    Hairstyle - You will order the princess to marry me Owill order. The princess.to.. Butyoutreso old. newspooky: Best joke in the entire movie, I swear to god. FUN Substance
  • 17
    Font - i think it's a universal truth that everyone in our generation takes pluto's losing its planetary status as a personal offense yes pluto is smaller than russia. why did we ever even consider it a planet? BECAUSE IT'S A PART OF OUR SOLAR SYSTEM OHANA MEANS FAMILY OHANA MEANS NO ONE IS LEFT ВЕHIND
  • 18
    Human body - "Get off this estate!" "What for?" "Because it's mine." "Where did you get it?" "From my father." "Where did he get it?" "From his father." "And where did his father get it?" "He fought for it." "Well, we'll fight you for it." the-lazy-intern Me, about to become the new owner of the local Denny's
  • 19
    Font - doktorgirlfriend "Why does Tumblr romanticize Hades so much?" Idk Clarice, maybe we're just tired, and life is uncertain, and we like the idea of a stable husband with a steady job and a big dog and his own place away from all the loud, shapeshifting-kink party gods. swan2swan Persephone, we know this is you.
  • 20
    Rectangle - on just-shower-thoughts If the devil has a pitchfork and the grim reaper has a scythe, is agriculture a major industry in the underworld? simplywitchy Thanks to Persephone it is
  • 21
    Font - beyoncescock Follow jake @squidslippers i remember the first time i asked my dad to sign something for me in high school. he shook his head and said "if i sign this, you're going to have to learn how to forge my signature. if you sign it from the start, you'll be able to sign whatever you want and they'll never know." i dont know whether to award him dad of the year or not
  • 22
    Font - For Your Consideration Emo: The world is broken, and I'm sad because there's nothing I can do to fix it. Goth: The world is broken, but there's an odd beauty in the dark parts. Punk: The world is broken, and I am angry, and I am going to fight to fix it. arsnof Bagpipe: PFNEEEEEΕΕΕΕΕΜNEEEMΝΕΕΕΕΕΕEEΕ PFMNEEEEMNEΜNEEEEΕ PFNMOOOEEEEEEEEEEE
  • 23
    Font - bramblepatch Follow To be fair, almost everyone in Ratatouille does have a French accent. The real question is why Linguini and also all the rats sound intensely American If it was just the rats l'd say it's because the movie can be interpreted to mean that the rats understand but don't necessarily speak human languages so the rat dialog isn't literally taking place the way we see it but that doesn't explain why Linguini has a rat асcent dogboy-gappy Follow LINGUINI HAS A RAT ACCENT 57,41
  • 24
    Product - Hey there, Young Scientists! Put on your Being knowledgeable in a narrow domain that nobody labcoats and strap on your safety goggles, because today we're learning about understands or cares about. computerbaby the story of my life callstheadventurescience About 86,520,000 results (0,50 se conds) Did you mean: a PhD
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    Font - reallyfunnyshortjokes I got the words "jacuzzi" and "yakuza" confused. Now I'm in hot water with the Japanese mafia. flowisaconstruct I didn't want to like it. But I did.
  • 26
    Font - dogalmighty the only difference between me and a medieval peasant is that I can make a Spotify playlist to express my feelings bumblebeebats medieval peasant: Behold, friends; i have composed the perfect List of Plays to express my agonies and woes in this trying time! medieval peasant's friends: this list be just Toxicke by Brittany of Spears 20 times in a row, thou canst not play this medieval peasant: i canst, 'tis my lute
  • 27
    Font - Y ashorterurl NASA got a question about whether Perseverance will also sing itself happy birthday and why was there such a function for Curiosity and responded that yes, because it's lonely on Mars and maybe Curiosity and Perseverance will sing each other happy birthday and that's really all you need to know from this livestream rox712 I also loved the bit about the heartbeat. They gave Perseverance a heartbeat for the landing and as long they could hear it they knew that everything was o
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    Font - unclefather I can hear my kid playing supermarket by herself and she's telling all the customers that they are disgusting and they need to leave that-twink-over-there And she's right
  • 29
    Font - nebranska: equalopportunityenby: unsfzpxkable: can the science side of tumblr explain why >_> is more aesthetically pleasing than <_< Westerners read everything visual, including signs with no words and art, from left to right and up to down. When the composition of an art piece pulls us against that, it makes us uncomfortable, and this also holds true for emoticons. Which is why (: is also weirder than :). It breaks the flow of the sentence. oh there was an actual answer okay then
  • 30
    Facial expression - cornelia89 The Little Mermaid TV Series: Gabriella glowinthedarkgirlfriend Remember when Disney had a cute, disabled, poc mermaid? freshest-tittymilk When i was younger, one of my best friends was a deaf guyanese girl, and her fave princess was Ariel, mainly bc she related to her living without a voice (and her love of swimming) When this episode aired, she cried and squawked and made sounds that were almost understandable. She saw herself as a mermaid, on tv, with her favour
  • 31
    Rectangle - canuckianhawkbi S clint-you-dummy Follow just-shower-thoughts Teenage girls saying "I can't even" is basically the same as old ladies saying "Well I never". argumate This is messing with my head. kingoncarventhrone #especially when you realize it was once teen girls saying well i never#and will someday be older ladies saying i can't even 294,775 notes
  • 32
    Food - deku-smash Follow I still can't get over how Naruto is literally named after the little pink spiral thingies you get in ramen noodles Bento-Lunch-Blog Banto Tpps for do the western equivalent would be like naming your kid fu Crouton deku-smash Follow MY NAME IS CROUTON AND IM GONNA BE PRESIDENT SOMEDAY BELIEVE IT
  • 33
    Font - kaijuno So my new English professor is my uncle only he has no idea because he hasn't talked to my mom in about 20 years so do you think is should tell him kaijuno You know what nevermind he's a d l'm going to talk to my mom to get dirt on him so I can blackmail him if the need arises alwayswriting848 You should write a story about a boy for an assignment and include loads of life details about him that your mum tells you so that it's obviously him but change all the names then hand it in
  • 34
    Cat - OFFENSIVE FELINE OF 70 SNUGGLES FAVORITE HOBBY: NAPPING gimpgodofthunder SNUGGLES GET YOUR HEAD IN THE F. GAME claptrap14 HIS FAVORITE HOBBY IS NAPPING
  • 35
    Font - vintar i'm watching a british youtuber's birthday stream and an aussie viewer sent in a comment saying "why was he born so beautiful, why was he born at all? because he had no say in it, no say in it at all" which was received with confused existential horror, and this is how i just discovered that australian happy birthday songs are not universal argumate oops languageoclock do you not sing this in other countries?!?!?? stele3 NO we do not sing a lament for someone's personal beauty wish
  • 36
    Product - inexplicablesatsuma 5 melody-gar. Follow dekutree if you were to become the president of the world, what is the first law you would pass? mangoshawty *growls angrily and raises tail in caution* dekutree knightzoned This reblog chain is so weird because there's a missing post between the Op and first reply that says "execute the furries" which makes the first reply look positively fi J delusional Source: dekutree 217,814 notes
  • 37
    Font - hamlet-trash the moral of hamlet is don't ever try to go home and resolve conflicts with yr family just stay at college and do gay st w ur friends legoloveletters As an English teacher I am qualified to tell you this analysis is insightful and may be supported fully with textual evidence.
  • 38
    Font - dykeiel is Andrew Garfield actually gay or is he just like really really extra about his allyship dykeiel statement was released.112||113] When asked about his sexuality, Garfield identified himself as heterosexual but has said that he has "an openness to any impulses that may arise within me at any time" [114] mr garfield what the does this mean cursorygosling Garfield's straight until he's horny closetedguyy Can you not just say Garfield please
  • 39
    Font - roxilalonde power move: put the fbi agent watching you through a series of endurance tests. stay awake for 72 hours. put obscene images over your webcam. chew gum really loudly next to your mic. they may have wiretaps but by god they won't have peace spiletta42 And most importantly, keep calling them FBI agents, that's what'll really grind on those NSA agents' nerves.
  • 40
    Font - w just-shower-thoughts 100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today everyone has cars and only the rich own horses. bryguy142 The stables have turned the-one-true-nugget I laughed too hard at this and I hate you for it
  • 41
    Font - ligaratus reading about jewish history is depressing bc it's like this endless cycle of, "we were doing okay for a bit and even managed to partially integrate, but the political climate changed and we're once again heavily persecuted if not outright murdered. ce la vie!" ligaratus i want gentiles to understand that Diaspora jews are getting squirrely rn bc we've been through this before and we can Tell the current period of relative acceptance is ending and we're in for some st.
  • 42
    Font - A imdreamingofawhitegenocide oh so you like metal? name 3 blacksmiths waynereewrites Will, Jaden and Willow. out-there-on-the-maroon This post has TWO puns I can't handle this. Source: greengoblin2002
  • 43
    Font - airborneranger63 Follow One time my rabbi told us, "imagine you had a box with a little bit of god in it. What would you do with the box?" So we were like ?? "We'd protect it and keep it nice and clean and polished" and he was like "your body's that box. Stop eating markers" what-even-is-thiss Follow Every time I come across this post the last sentence smacks me in the face
  • 44
    Water - "O hvrleyquinn Look, the only live action Disney remake I want is the Emperor's New Groove and I want there to be no CGI, I want Kuzco to be played by two actors in a cheap llama costume waluwadjet
  • 45
    Font - wellusetheshadowstoouradvantage Yes, but what a shame, what a shame the poor groom's bride is uh... Thor? insufficientlykinglike There is an entire norse myth dedicated to this exact concept

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