Bad Decisions To Make On St. Patrick’s Day From Home

We all have our St. Patrick's day routine. Whether we like to go out with friends, get absolutely smashed in a small bar with a bunch of strangers, or murder a man just to watch him die and then drink daiquiris out of his skull, this holiday is fun for everyone. And whether you've just woken up next to your best friend who is pantsless, or discovered the man you killed was your long-lost brother, part of the fun is the crushing regret we all get to feel the next day after realizing the alcohol-induced decisions we made were really bad ones! Unfortunately, these holiday traditions won't be an option this year with most bars closed, but not to worry. Here are some memorable bad decisions you can make without risking your health! Well, except your liver and mental health, of course.

Posted by armchaircomedian

Singing Karaoke

Nothing is more fun than getting blackout drunk at a bar, stealing the guitar from the live band, and performing a perfect rendition of Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata in front of everyone. There's no live bands playing this year, so why not have a karaoke for yourself in your bathroom? Bonus points if it's a shared bathroom and you lock yourself in there for three hours so your roommate has to kick down the door just to brush her teeth. You'll laugh at your silly decision the next day when you have to pay hundreds of dollars to put the door back on its hinges!

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Oversharing with Strangers

Without a packed bar to go to, it'll be a bit harder to tell complete strangers the details of the time you thought your childhood dog had been dognapped (turned out he was just in the basement) and how it's haunted you to this day while they look around desperately for an escape route from you. But with a little creativity, you can still do this! It's called Zoom bombing. Find the details of an open Zoom event, log on, and start talking! Be sure to prepare a PowerPoint as well, just in case you can share your screen.

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Getting Blackout Drunk

You really don't need a bar or anyone around to do this. Literally just drink a ton of alcohol. Make it Irish Whiskey if you're feeling festive.

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Redecorating

This is a fun bad decision that can ONLY be made from home! Drink enough vodka to completely ruin your judgment, and then just start moving furniture around! Bonus points if your roommate is trying to sleep.

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Committing Patricide

You've already taken out your estranged brother, so why not go searching for your long-lost father too? Be sure to use a long-range weapon so that you can stay a safe two-meter distance away from him and others. Bonus points if the crushing regret sets in immediately instead of the next day!

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Texting Your Ex

We've all done it: gotten a little too influenced on St. Paddy's day, called up our ex, and told him how sleeping with his grandmother was the worst decision we've ever made and please will he take us back? We're so lonely and we think about him every day, we're desperate, we'll do anything, Brent! We'll wear that lingerie you bought us and call you The King in bed like you asked! Please?!
Uh...anyway, you can do that from home. Just use your roommate's cell so he doesn't know it's you!

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