Russian President Vladimir Putin Has a Super Bowl Ring and I Don't and That Sucks

What do you get for the boy who has everything? A Super Bowl ring. 

Look, I'm not saying Putin and I have a lot in common. In many ways, we're very different. For instance, he's a walking human-rights violation and the president of Russia, and last night I ate too much Chinese food and said, "My tum tum hurts." 

But if there's one thing that we do have in common, it's that we both never won a Super Bowl. 

Yet, for whatever reason, he has a Super Bowl ring, and I don't. What, just because you have mysterious ties to the U.S. President, the reality-TV gameshow host of your dreams, I don't get a ring. That's some grade A, top-choice bullshit. 

Here's the story of how Putin got his ring without winning the Super Bowl.