Husband Can't Accept Wife's Use Of Candles, Drama Ensues

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mattstaff
Oct 8, 2021 4:00 PM EDT

There are some things in this life that are worth fighting for. When it comes to the matter of fake candles though, this ain't it, man. Yet, as it goes in this crazy life... some people need the reality checks more than others. Clearly, this guy fits the bill for that. 

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  • 01
    Font - AITA for asking my husband to let me use fake candles? Not the A-hole My husband (35 m) and I (30 f) just bought a house and received housewarming gifts-including two very nice (and expensive) fake candles that look realistic and have timers so they will turn on and off at certain times. My mom bought us the candles because she knows how much I love real candles, but she also knows my husband won't let me use real candles because he is concerned about fire safety for our house and our dog
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  • 02
    Font - Last night, I turned the candles on for the first time and he immediately asked me to turn them off or move them. His reasoning - they look too much like real candles and they were making him anxious. I relented and we moved the candles out of his line of sight. Later that night before bed, he turned the candles off. I didn't notice because he went to bed after me. The next day after work he told me he turned the candles off. I asked him why, and I explained to him that he messed up my ti
    via u/jmsnowqueen
  • 03
    Font - At this point, I asked him if he realized that his stance on these fake candles was a little extreme and he said he didn't think so. I pushed back saying that I gave up using real candles for him, why can't I have fake candles? He pushed back and said that I can use the fake candles, but he doesn't want them to be set on a timer because it makes him too nervous. I pushed back and reminded him that he grew up never using candles and just needs time to get used to them. And I reminded him t
    via u/jmsnowqueen
  • 04
    Font - We reached an impasse in our discussion, and once again I asked him if he at least realized that his position was extreme. He disagreed and said he thinks the use of fake candles isn't a necessity in life, so why do I need them? I explained that life is a dumpster fire in a flood, and sometimes it's just nice to have nice things... like pretty candles on timers. He also explained to me that fire safety is very important, our new house is in a town that only has a volunteer fire department
    via u/jmsnowqueen
  • 05
    Font - In the end, I asked him if he thought that strangers would side with him or me. He thinks you all will agree with him that prohibiting the use of real candles and limiting the use of fake candles is a reasonable ask. I think you all will agree with me, that what he's asking me to do is extreme. What do you think?
    via u/jmsnowqueen
  • 06
    Organism - NTA. Prohibiting the use of real candles is unreasonable ... prohibiting the use of fake candles is downright crazy. Tell him it's time to put on his big boy pants or get into therapy. 13.9k Reply Share Report Save
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  • 07
    Organism - NTA Tell him you'll stop using the fake candles if he also accepts that he can't use light bulbs either because fake candles are effectively just small light bulbs Edit: Ooh medals! Thankies for da shinies peoples! 7.7k Reply Share Report Save
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  • 08
    Font - Unless your husband has a serious fire related trauma that you have left out, NTA. Are you allowed to use anything else with a battery? Because if his worry is something shorting in the fake candle and causing a fire then I would hate for him to learn about clocks, or watches, or kids toys. Also, what about electricity? Does he know about ovens? Toasters? Microwave? Hair dryer? 3.3k Reply Share Report Save
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  • 09
    Font - "I asked him if he at least realized that his position was extreme. He disagreed." You are correct, OP. NTA. 1.6k Reply Share Report Save
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  • 10
    Font - NTA He's being ridiculous. Can I assume these are LED lights and don't even heat up? 1 623 Reply Share Report Save
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  • 11
    Sky - NTA. They're fake. They're on timers. Your husband is being overly cautious. 357 Reply Share Report Save
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  • 12
    Font - NTA Your husband is behaving unreasonably and frankly coming across as controlling. If my husband told me to not use candles I would tell him to get a grip on reality. I think it is really nice and accommodating of you to give up real candles. And very sweet of your mother to get you the fake candles. 139 Reply Share Report Save
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  • 13
    Font - NTA. Your husband needs to either a) fold and let you have your fake candles or b) admit that he has an extreme, life- limiting fear of candles and then go get therapy for that fear. The real AH move here is trying to insist that you can't have fake candles AND that it's not an extreme reaction. 75 Reply Share Report Save
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  • 14
    Font - moonpea · 19h NTA. His level of fixation and anxiety over candles isn't healthy. Thousands of people have pets and kids and gasp, like to use candles in their home. It's something that you like and brings you joy, you've already compromised by using fake ones. You can also safely use candles. If his stance in life is to only have absolutely necessary things, why does he have a dog? Is it a working dog? A medical alert dog? It's not strictly necessary? It sounds like he's just being contro
    via u/jmsnowqueen
  • 15
    Font - Level_One4578 · 19h Your husband needs therapy. You need a backbone. It's RIDICULOUSNESS. 21 Reply Share Report Save
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