Real-Life Patrick Bateman Goes Viral For Routine Straight Out of American Psycho

"I live in the American Gardens building on West 81st street. My name is Patrick Bateman. I'm 27 years old. I believe in taking care of myself, and a balanced diet, and a rigorous exercise routine. In the morning, if my face is a little puffy, I'll put on an ice pack while doing my stomach crunches. I can do a thousand now. After I remove the ice pack, I use a deep pore cleanser lotion. In the shower, I use a water-activated gel cleanser. Then a honey almond body scrub. And on the face, an exfoliating gel scrub. Then apply an herb mint facial mask, which I leave on for 10 minutes while I prepare the rest of my routine. I always use an aftershave lotion with little or no alcohol, because alcohol dries your face out and makes you look older. Then moisturizer, then an anti-aging eye balm followed by a final moisturizing protective lotion. There is an idea of a Patrick Bateman, some kind of abstraction, but there is no real me. Only an entity, something illusory. And though I can hide my cold gaze, and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours and maybe you can even sense our lifestyles are probably comparable, I simply am not there."

Posted by Ada Elder

Bret Easton Ellis' American Psycho is one of those cult classics that just doesn't go away. We don't really want it to. The book and its film adaptation follow Patrick Bateman (played masterfully by Christian Bale), a 26-year-old investment banking executive with an insane morning routine and an even more insane secret life as a serial killer.

While, unfortunately, we've met our fair share of investment bankers, they've never given off the serial killer vibe. They've mostly given off simple douchebag vibes that elicit scowls from my friends and me when we're forced to share space with the loud-talking, Brooks Brothers-wearing squares. We weren't sure that anyone could really “give” Patrick Bateman in a real way. Until we saw a viral video from TikToker @mackenziewc. In the video, Mackenzie (who calls Toronto and Muskoka home) is seen in a pristine white bathrobe that's been knotted in a way we can only describe as artistic. He's wearing that cozy robe while he STEAMS his sheets and pillowcases. He glides his hand along the cloth (the thread count must be insane) with incredible care and attention to detail, creating a bed situation that looks more proper than most hotels.

As many Tiktoks do, the video made its way to Twitter, where it made quite the impression. Twitter user @soulohlove shared the clip a couple days ago, declaring that Mackenzie is “100% a serial killer.”

It seems like most of Twitter agrees. The comparisons to Bateman were swift and many. And weirdly there was a person who was turned on by the spectacle. We're not going to tell people how to feel about the video, but maybe if you're into dudes who are compared to a serial killer (real or fictional) maybe you should seek help…

Best of luck, sis…