'I don't want a travel buddy': Introvert trapped in super awkward commute with talkative new coworker

Author image for Remy Millisky
Remy Millisky • Writer and Editor
Feb 26, 2023 11:00 AM EST

The commute to work is supposed to be a sacred space of personal time, but this woman's cheerful coworker is ruining it for her. As u/PersonalYesterday865 wrote to the British Problems subreddit, she's struggling with her people-pleasing ways. She's not quite sure what to do about her friendly coworker who just started working at the same job as her. The OP has learned that they take the exact same commute, and as an introvert, she's freaking out about losing her much-needed alone time. 

Luckily for the OP, people in the comments had lots of advice! Some was pretty goofy, but there were also lots of people who'd endured similar awkward scenarios. A few people suggested just being honest and straightforward about the commute issue. If she just tells her coworker that she's looking forward to reading or sleeping during the commute, maybe he'll leave her be! As a fellow introvert, I feel for this OP, and I hope she can figure out her exit strategy with all this advice. 

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  • 01
    Line - 'There's a new guy in the office... we've just found out we have identical commutes'
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  • 02
    Font - 609 r/britishproblems. Posted by u/PersonalYesterday865 2 days ago D There's a new guy in the office - it's his second day and we've just found out we have identical commutes
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  • 03
    Font - Same start and finish time too. I am an introvert who values her 45 minutes of peace in the morning to watch Netflix, listen to music or stare into space, before a mentally draining 8 hours in the office. Similarly, the 45 minute journey home is my time to decompress from the work day. I don't know much about him yet but he seems very friendly and outgoing, i.e. the kind of person who would chat to me for the entire journey.
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  • 04
    Font - He's already asked me what time I get to the station in the mornings, and I think he's probably going to try and travel back with me today unless I literally run out of the office at finish time. I hope some of you understand my pain - I don't want a travel buddy
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  • 05
    Font - EDIT: I'm sure some are waiting for an update on what happened at finish time today. I rushed out of the office on the dot of 5pm, walked to the station so fast that I gave myself shin splints, and somehow he CAUGHT UP WITH ME?!?! My worst fears are confirmed - he wants us to be travel pals. Send help sos
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  • 06
    Font - EDIT2: there are so many comments on here I'm pretty sure I haven't even been able to read some of them, but just wanted to say what a funny lot you are, thanks for making me laugh, and thanks for the serious advice/suggestions too!
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  • 07
    Font - To the 2% that can't sympathise or empathise with the struggles of being an introverted people pleaser, and therefore just think that I sound like a horrible person - honestly, I envy you guys. I wouldn't choose to be this way, but we are all weird in our own little way
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  • 08
    Font - littlebluecoat 2 days ago I'm so sorry to hear you have to quit your job. 4 4.5k Reply Share mimeycat 2 days ago And go into hiding.
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  • 09
    Font - UruquianLilac 2 days ago OP this is the definition of a nightmare situation. I'm outgoing and ab extrovert and I feel exactly the same about my commute. I don't want conversations! It's my time.
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  • 10
    Font - jamescoxall 2 days ago VR goggles. No need to spend a lot of money, you can go as cheap as Google Cardboard and your phone. You will look like an absolute plonker but your only other option is to have a frank and earnest conversation with the chap so.... plonker it is
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  • 11
    Font - PersonalYesterday865 OP 1 day ago I would definitely choose looking like a plonker over brutal honesty, that's why I'm in the British Problems sub
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  • 12
    Human body - spvcxghxztpvrp. 2 days ago Always let him board the train first, when he does....LEG IT!
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  • 13
    Font - GobiasACupOfCoffee 2 days ago East Ayrshire I had a similar thing happen but the best thing happened. We both enjoyed the quiet. And we became good friends. We would get the train together and barely speak the whole way. We would listen to music, play with our phones, nod off. It was great. I feel your pain. I've had it that way too. It's awful.
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    Font - PersonalYesterday865 OP 2 days ago Thank you for sharing your inspirational and hope-inspiring story in my time of need. Heres hoping that I can achieve a similar relationship with my new work/travel pal PS. not sarcasm legit this would actually be the best possible outcome for me - as much as I am LOVING all the joke replies, I don't like being rude to people, it hurts my soul.
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  • 15
    Font - violetcyanide 2 days ago Yorkshire I used to get the bus home from work with a random woman going on the same bus. Did it for 2 years straight. The bus was usually always empty, just us, occasionally someone random but it was usually just us. Often, the bus wouldn't show up so we'd go halves on a taxi to the other bus station. We got maybe 50 taxis in two years. Never ever found out her name, where she worked or what her job even was... then I got a driving licence and never saw her again
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  • 16
    Font - Equivalent_Parking_8 2 days ago "Sorry bud, I need this 45 minutes to watch Netflix, it's the only sanity I get all day, hope you don't think I'm rude."
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  • 17
    Font - loobricated edited 2 days ago Had this exact issue! 2 days ago I just said to the guy "mate, we are both on the same train, so please don't feel obliged to speak everyday. I quite like my alone time on the train, and on the walk to work anyway." He was really cool about it, and completely got it. And we have been walking to and from work for a year, near each other, but not with each other, without us feeling awkward about it. And we get on great in work. He's a good guy.
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  • 18
    Font - So maybe just tell him, and see how he reacts. I suspect if he takes it really personally he's probably an a anyway. If he's cool, then, you can be cool and not worry about it. In other news I had to change my walk to the train route because this random guy started saying hello to me. And every single morning we would be walking towards each other and could see each other from a great distance. It got really awkward trying to work out when to make eye contact and when to launch off the no
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  • 19
    Font - PersonalYesterday865 OP 2 days ago . Love this comment, thank you! The end paragraph gave me second hand cringe because I relate so much - get out of my brain please
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  • 20
    Font - Spottswoodeforgod - 2 days ago There is always the option of allowing your personal hygiene standards to slip... 183 Reply Share PersonalYesterday865 OP 2 days ago
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  • 21
    Font - cbren88 2 days ago I know someone once that became friends with a travel buddy, they don't even work together, they just get the same train from the same stop every day. They go out for Christmas meals together. Horrifying.
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  • 22
    Font - Make_the_music_stop 2 days ago Honesty is the best policy. Just tell him what you just wrote (you are an introvert and need your 90 minutes of "me" time) And you would say the same thing to Brad Pitt etc. Reply Share 1.1k PersonalYesterday865 OP 2 days ago ...we are on the British Problems sub, right? And you're asking me to share my feelings openly with a stranger?! mock gasp Nah in all honesty, you're totally right. May need to have the one awkward conversation for the sake of my mental
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  • 23
    Font - Sacred_Apollyon - 2 days ago Take a book. It might require a day of semi-polite "Hmmm"'s and "Right" or you could dive straight in with a brief "Sorry, really want to finish this!". But I feel your pain. You've already been around them for hours, why the continuation of the same conversations. 253 Reply Share iamarddtusr 2 days ago "Sorry, really want to finish this" While you are on page 1 of an epic.
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  • 24
    Eye - PersonalYesterday865 OP 2 days ago Book is a good tip, thank you!
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  • 25
    Font - PEO zubenelkeneshi91 - 2 days ago Oh my gosh - the first week of grad school I learned that two fellow students had an identical 1 hour commute. The first day we saw eachother on the train I bluntly said "I'm so sorry, this is going to come across rude and it's not meant to, but I'm an introvert and need my time to myself. If I ignore you it doesn't mean I hate you!!" They gave me s about it two years later but all in jest Boundary established!
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  • 26
    Font - Intelligent Mine1901 2 days ago He might have asked you what time you get to the station so he can avoid you. 47 Reply Share PersonalYesterday865 OP 2 days ago Honestly, I wish you were right he chased me out of the office and all the way to the station after work today. I say 'chase', because not only did I have a headstart out of the office but I was practically in a jog on my way to the station (RIP lungs) so he must have kept up some pace to arrive less than 2 minutes after me. He cam
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  • 27
    Font - mermaidsez 2 days ago This happened to me and a workmate, however luckily she wasn't a major chatter. We were both in the queue for the bus together and I cannot handle conversation after a full day at work so I just said to her "look, I usually read on the bus, is that OK with you", to which she replied "yes mate, I'm just gonna nap". We were perfect commute pals. I'd be sat there with my face in my kindle and she'd be sat up straight with her eyes closed like a mystical sleep beacon. 14
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  • 28
    Font - RedBanana99 - 1 day ago . Mansfield, duck OP, I hear you. For 2 years I commuted on an early train which was almost always empty every day. I also prefer to travel solo and stick to my routine: Travel drink, Metro, radio in my ears in the quiet carriage This oddball bloke alighted 3 stops down the line from me. I bet you also try to choose your favourite seat, and table? Every day I was in my same routine favourite seat. After a few weeks he'd try to make eye contact with me. Then chit ch
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  • 29
    Font - Then it escalated, one day he joined me gasp at my empty table in an empty carriage. I ignored him asking to take out my earbuds and I regretted not saying something - my reason was simple, if he does it again on day 2, I would say something. The very next morning, he did the same, as he took off his bag to sit on my (again, empty) table I clearly and loudly said "NO" and maintained eye contact. He froze, and I continued "There is a whole carriage of empty seats" whilst gesturing behind m
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  • 30
    Font - PersonalYesterday865 OP 1 day ago Nah, my adrenaline is pumping just reading this story bravery is inspiring! your
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  • 31
    Font - WhatIfIReallyWantIt 2 days ago. edited 2 days ago Chat at the station waiting for the train, get on with him, then say "anyway, cheers, I'll leave you in peace, last thing you want is me talking to you all the way home, I couldn't think of anything worse," pull out headphones "besides I've near the end of a chapter, can't wait til tomorrow. I'm on the wheel of time" Then pop the headphones in and sit down and listen to silence if you want. I mention wheel of time specifically because if y
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  • 32
    Font - Worth sharing that I'm the same as you. I dont like people, small talk is hard work, I dislike parties and weddings, I have about 4 or 5 friends I see occasionally over food and they're all people I can pass a couple of hours with comfortably. I ended up giving a lift to a guy for three years and actually really loved it. We just happened to get on well and it was a great laugh. I got lucky - it could have been h. Anyway that little bit of chat at the station or on the way to the station
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  • 33
    Font - DeepStatic 2 days ago Here's what you do. Engineer a conversation about books. Make sure he's in it. "I didn't ever have time to read but audiobooks have been life changing. This year I set myself the goal of listening to one audiobook a week during my commute. It's my happy place and I look forward all day to shutting the world out and losing myself in a book. It's almost like meditation!" Walk with him to the station. When you get to the train, you get your headphones out and say "well
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commute Travel train leave me alone coworkers Awkward advice alone
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