'It's unwise to feel entitled to another man's child': Control Freak Fiancé Demands Future Wife Changes Her Son's Name From Her Previous Marriage

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  • 01
    Font - Posted by u/Fluffy-Campaign5780 1 day ago I know I'm not the ah but I just wanted to hear people's opinions on this, I (25f) refused to change my (4m) son's name because it made my (26m) fiancé uncomfortable.
  • 02
    Font - For context I'll include our race, I'm black my fiancé is white and Asian and my son's dad is Asian. This is where I need some thoughts on this issue because I recently saw a friend I cut contact with over this issue. My son's dad and I got married when we're really young (18f and 18m)
  • 03
    Font - and almost a year and half later I got pregnant and we were happy mostly because we found out we were having a boy and my husband said he wanted the child to named after him because his grandpa named him and I was happy
  • 04
    Font - with that but on the day of our son's birth my husband got into a car accident and died and this made me cherish our son even more because you looked just like his dad and I was really happy he was named after him. A year later I met my
  • 05
    Font - fiancé and he was really nice and loving and really took care of me and my son 8 months into our relationship he proposed and I accepted on the terms that the engagement would be a long term relationship and we would get married once my son was a bit older and I already
  • 06
    Font - told about my situation and my late husband and our son and he was fine with everything well that's what I thought till one day he asked me if we could change "our son's " name and I replied as much as you love him he's not our son and I'm not changing his name because his name holds a deep meaning to me
  • 07
    Font - and he complained how uncomfortable it made him because if he's going to be in our lives, my son should know about his "dad's" heritage and I politely pointed out that my son's dad is dead and yes he knows his father's heritage. This upset
  • 08
    Font - him even because he meant his own heritage( in this context my son's dad is Korean and my fiancé is white and his mom is Chinese) and he wanted my son to learn Chinese and eat Chinese food and travel to china for holidays which I
  • 09
    Font - refused reminding him that my son is half Korean so will travel to Korea to meet his grandparents and learn Korean and when his older he can decide if he wants to learn Chinese or not. He didn't agree with
  • 10
    Font - me so he left that evening and I didn't even bother to stop, later in the night I got a call from one of my close friends (25f) and she told me my fiancé told some of his friends what happened and that I refused to give parental rights as he is a father figure to my son and that I should just agree to change his name
  • 11
    Font - which I reminded her that she was being biased because she was black and Chinese and she was supporting him because she also wanted him to learn Chinese as she was his Aunt and I told her that she should either that thought or leave me alone because I wasn't going to change my son's name. The next day he
  • 12
    Font - came back but with his mom and she also said her son told her what happened and that since we're a family and he going to be his father and they're going to be grandparents it would be wise to change his name and she went as far giving me some Chinese name suggestions which I quickly turned down and I told them it's
  • 13
    Font - not a wise to have entitlement to another man's child and try to erase his memory and heritage just because your son is uncomfortable with it and I told him but we got together the whole story and if he can't handle then he can leave. This story
  • 14
    Font - went round to other family members from both sides and his friends were calling me ungrateful for not appreciating his commitment only his dad supported me from his side and my parents, sisters and uncle were proud of me for standing my ground on not changing his name.
  • 15
    Font - checco314 1 day ago ● Okay, so the obvious solution here is to not marry the guy who thinks that he gets to tell you what your own child's name and heritage are. How is this even a question?
  • 16
    Font - Chickenherdturd 18 hr. ago That's my take. Way over the line, Way TOO SOON, Way weird and controlling. I would dump him yesterday, in front of his mother and say good riddance to some crazy people. If they're crazy making this early (not even a year in ya'll) - imagine the full capacity of this.
  • 17
    Font - yaybunz 1 day ago edited 1 day ago i wonder if this has to do with a bit of asian racism. im korean and asians tend to lowkey hate eachother. if your kid was named "sven" and his father had been danish, would he still be so aggressive about a name change? like he can't roll up into your life and act as if, nah, we're making this family my type of asian. i could be completely wrong and off the mark but those are my two cents. good on you for refusing it.
  • 18
    Smile - oh, and the fact that people are acting as if you owe him that just because he accepted your kid? pfft. ridiculous.

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