Random Tweets From the Manic Minds of Twitter

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  • 01
    Organism - slay for pay @Z_ninetales mitochondria after hearing she's the powerhouse of the cell 6.1M views From Carol Roth 12:21 PM 2023-03-11 418K Views 2,995 Retweets 122 Quotes 24.8K Likes A
  • 02
    Font - gg lily allen @lumpen_princess ummm hey me and the other crabs in the bucket have noticed that ur actually getting near the top. and like sorry but that's lowkey problematic :/ bc like we'll still be in the bucket :(( sooo yeah if u could maybe take accountability and get back in the bucket 7:41 AM 2023-01-22 44.2K Views 2,294 Likes 393 Retweets 9 Quotes
  • 03
    Organism - mau @villainsaints did i like this book? yes. do i remember anything about it? no. will i still recommend it to people by telling them how good it was? yes, definitely. 3:56 PM 2023-01-22 270K Views 12.9K Likes 2,759 Retweets 210 Quotes
  • 04
    Font - Pru @prufrockluvsong When you sleep on your side your body can form the letter C for cozy but when you sleep on your back your body makes the letter I for insomnia. 6:21 PM 2023-01-22 1,657 Views . 39 Likes 11 Retweets .
  • 05
    Organism - John Smillie @JohnSmillie42 Imagine it's Sunday morning. You've been allowed to sleep in as long as you want, and you have no chores or responsibilities all day. There's fresh fallen snow on the ground. Your mom makes Cinnamon rolls and serves you breakfast. But you're almost 3, so you are blind with rage. 11:25 AM 2023-01-22 799K Views . 14.8K Likes 762 Retweets 60 Quotes
  • 06
    Font - acabou chorare @saturnalreturn "personality disorder" is such a funny fucking thing to diagnose something with. "yeah so yknow your you? its basically all fucked up" 6:41 PM 2023-01-22 20K Views 1,148 Likes 198 Retweets 14 Quotes ...
  • 07
    Organism - Audrey Porne @AudreyPorne everytime Americans cry about living in a haunted house (this happens constantly), i ask "do u have a basement?" theyre like yeh. I ask "do u have an attic?" theyre like yeh. well, there's ya problem, dingus! you're living in the meat of a spooky sandwich! 6:06 AM 2023-01-23 11K Views 210 Likes 12 Retweets ... .
  • 08
    Organism - matt christman @cushbomb If you're ever in a group that's divvying up tasks and "holding down the fort" is an option, take it. Forts mostly hold themselves down. Easy gig. 3:06 PM 2023-01-23 84.6K Views . . 3,407 Likes 160 Retweets 5 Quotes
  • 09
    Font - L Ron Mexico @LRonMexico Shaking to pretend the vaccine is killing you is just speaking in tongues for people who leave yelp reviews on fast food restaurants 1:05 PM 2023-01-22 54.7K Views . 2,400 Likes 203 Retweets 5 Quotes
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    Font - MANCOR wwwwww furby hancock @furby_hancock leaf 1: (falling) i'm afraid of what happens when we land leaf 2: (falling) there's another tree down there dumbass (motioning to a bush) we keep doing this forever 11:28 AM 2022-10-17 ● 277 Likes 35 Retweets
  • 11
    Organism - Sigurd the Mighty @MightySigurd I am so tired of living like it's the 1600s. Can I afford eggs at the market? Are my friends gonna die in the plague? Puritans coming for my sinful lifestyle. I want some modern problems. Modern Problems 4:08 PM 2023-01-21 97K Views 5,210 Likes 1,537 Retweets 33 Quotes
  • 12
    Organism - melted computer @meltedcomputer you could lick a rock for hours and its size wouldn't be reduced. that's how they were designed 6:52 PM 2023-01-22 11.7K Views 547 Likes 49 Retweets 3 Quotes
  • 13
    Organism - michael @mollydrag math rock band called texas instruments 1:01 PM 2023-01-22 82.1K Views ● 3,743 Likes 470 Retweets 10 Quotes
  • 14
    Helmet - Gwydhar @Gwydhar 1d Sallet all the way Enough with the zodiac signs. What's your favorite medieval helmet? Spangenhelm Great Helm Frog-mouth 1,174 4,509 Barbute Kettle Hat Hounskull 13.9K Bascinet Armet Sallet 1.2M ↑
  • 15
    Font - irene @lanadelslayee sluttiest thing a man can do is love and cherish his cat 1:25 PM 2023-01-21 636K Views 13.7K Likes 1,843 Retweets 349 Quotes
  • 16
    Organism - Cameron Bradford @camerobradford It's nice that national geographic exists. it's like a newspaper for what's going on in the woods 5:27 PM 2023-01-17 122K Views . 4,734 Likes 248 Retweets 1 Quote
  • 17
    Organism - rogert @imrogert me: it smells like wet dog in here guy: what's wet dog? me: water, man, what's wet with you? 3:33 PM 2023-01-23 4,338 Views 215 Likes 16 Retweets
  • 18
    Font - eric the bunny (NEW SONG!) @cObrawave >open book >it's just full of squiggly lines >vivid images and ideas form in your head you can't tell me you guys actually believe this right? 3:20 AM 2023-01-23 11.2K Views . 517 Likes 75 Retweets 3 Quotes
  • 19
    Organism - Make Oxtail Cheap Again @simsimmaaz Learning that Paprika is just dried and crushed red bell peppers was really shocking. Like I dunno why I thought there was a Paprika tree somewhere 1:08 PM 2023-01-23 1.8M Views . • 50K Likes 5,254 Retweets 1,343 Quotes
  • 20
    Organism - Canderous Ordoliberal @butleriano Funniest sociolinguistic phenomenon of the twenty-first century is Americans reading Harry Potter, not realizing “erm” is simply a non-rhotic spelling of “um” and starting to say it with a hard r. 2:07 PM 2023-01-22 165K Views . . 2,547 Likes 104 Retweets 74 Quotes
  • 21
    Font - keta @keta_mean_ the ideal body type is celestial 12:14 PM 2023-01-22 335K Views . 7,464 Likes 1,756 Retweets 48 Quotes :
  • 22
    Font - balb @balb_kubrox babe of course I'd love you if you were a worm. I'd love you if you were an oligochaete from the early Cretaceous period or even a more distant ancestor, perhaps an annelid predecessor. but I'd have to stop at a pre-bilaterian, their remoteness from me much too great to overcome 7:14 AM 2023-01-24 1,252 Views 80 Likes 4 Retweets .
  • 23
    Font - teryn @youngtiddy microdosing Hell by going to work 10:40 AM 2023-01-23. 1.5M Views 58.6K Likes 11.4K Retweets 212 Quotes
  • 24
    World - benjamin aldes wurgaft @benwurgaft Working on a "rotisserie" theory of sleep, in which the body must rotate so as to be evenly slept on all sides. 7:45 AM 2023-01-23 697K Views 27.3K Likes 3,160 Retweets 169 Quotes
  • 25
    Font - Cullen Crawford @HelloCullen banshees of inisherin is about how difficult male friendships were before the invention of xbox360 11:29 AM 2023-01-24 116K Views 3,901 Likes 364 Retweets 11 Quotes
  • 26
    Organism - brian @GrizzlyBerran FBI: "WHO FRIED THE RICE TELL ME NOW" Shrimp spitting out blood, tied to a chair: "go fuck yourself" 9:57 PM 2023-01-23 80.8K Views . . 1,896 Likes 256 Retweets 10 Quotes
  • 27
    Black - Andrew Nadeau @TheAndrewNadeau [watching jaws and realizing all the characters have jaws] oh no, it could be any one of them 6:00 PM 2023-01-24 6,472 Views ● 181 Likes 25 Retweets ●
  • 28
    Mammal - MCR Updates @gwayupdates panic at the disco split up...you mean brendon urie experienced self-induced mitosis... 11:15 AM 2023-01-24 293K Views . 17.2K Likes 2,250 Retweets 105 Quotes
  • 29
    Organism - mattie rose @Lubchansky do the french give different names to their pokemon. if they do i think geodude could be "homme de terre." thanks 10:04 PM 2023-01-24 133K Views 3,976 Likes 410 Retweets 11 Quotes ...
  • 30
    Font - Tredlocity @tredlocity "turn based combat sucks" says someone from a country obsessed with baseball 11:25 AM 2023-01-24 264K Views . 14.5K Likes 2,225 Retweets 130 Quotes
  • 31
    Bird - Tranquilo Poison Ivy Brain @TobiasBoston - 15h Bird is just trying to have a nice swim and you out them as nonbreeding to 153,000 people Oklahoma Department of W... .16h This dude, this gull right here, is LOST. A Slaty-backed gull (adult nonbreeding) has been found hanging out at Lake Hefner all the way in OKC, while members of this species are usually residents along the coastlines of NORTHEASTERN ASIA. Show this thread ALT Photo By Steve Metz 20 657 ₁33.5K ↑
  • 32
    Organism - Michelle Allison @fatnutritionist today I saw a toddler in a snowsuit with animal ears on the hood then the dad lowered the hood to reveal the toddler was also wearing a toque with a second set of animal ears and I nearly lost my shit 8:47 PM 2023-01-24 97.6K Views . . 5,033 Likes 262 Retweets 26 Quotes
  • 33
    Font - Chip Cheezum @ChipCheezum thinking about when dobby dies in that harry potter movie and they bury him on a beach but he's in a very shallow looking grave. imagine normal people discovering dobby's hideous bloated corpse washed up on the beach and its picture ending up in tabloids as a cryptid 8:20 PM 2023-01-24 77.1K Views 4,534 Likes 396 Retweets 7 Quotes
  • 34
    Font - BLIZZY @blizzy_mcguire my all pronoun era was so scary omg i was like why is everyone talking about me 12:41 AM 2023-01-25 150K Views . 3,468 Likes 161 Retweets 9 Quotes
  • 35
    Font - ZZZ FRO VO @fro_vo | <_/_ ^_^ people are just Лл (w.) organ burritos _|>/(____ 12:33 PM 2018-08-03 1,264 Likes 277 Retweets 5 Quotes
  • 36
    Font - shen the bird @Shen_the_Bird boss: what are you doing inventor of the bagpipes: i have no fucking idea 7:36 PM 2019-08-27 ● 26.7K Likes 3,408 Retweets 11 Quotes
  • 37
    Light - amanda @getmOneygetpaid 20h everything reminds me of him 11 simone! @parasocialyte 2d i have to schedule a pap smear this year and i want someone to explain to me why we have no other tool... Show this thread 265 4,559 ₁186K ↑
  • 38
    Font - Dan Clyne @danCLYNE I wish we still did cool 80s shit like make Banshees of Inisherin into a cereal 12:31 AM 2023-01-25 43K Views 985 Likes 101 Retweets 12 Quotes
  • 39
    Font - Fossilized Tree Resin @Jamberee13 Use the term "touch grass" to indicate that someone needs to seek out reality, use the term “touch moss”" to indicate that they need to seek out ancient forest magic beyond their mortal comprehension. 9:54 PM 2023-01-24 30K Views . ● 1,736 Likes 359 Retweets 6 Quotes
  • 40
    Font - rogert @imrogert if i was in the Stanford prison experiment I wouldve reminded everyone it's just playtime. then we'd laugh & love 4:06 PM 2023-01-24 135K Views • ● 5,351 Likes 600 Retweets 7 Quotes
  • 41
    Font - Becca Farrow @rfarrowster what happened to wealthy patrons deciding they liked an artist enough to buy them a house and pay their expenses? how do we bring this back? yes bring me on to your staff. pay my expenses and give me a little cushion and some snacks and I can make you so many gay little drawings 1:36 PM 2023-01-25 12.9K Views 608 Likes 142 Retweets 8 Quotes
  • 42
    Organism - cait @punished_cait i like that at some point you can tell video game designers figured out that if you're going to put a dog in the game, you have to make it so people can pet the dog or else everyone is going to get really mad at you 8:27 PM 2023-01-25 90.8K Views 4,359 Likes 176 Retweets 11 Quotes
  • 43
    Organism - trash jones @jzux me when something really bad happens: i am strong, i will get through this me when i am mildly inconvenienced: when will god kill me with lightning 3:06 PM 2023-01-25 455K Views . ● 19K Likes 3,695 Retweets 99 Quotes
  • 44
    Font - BLIZZY @blizzy_mcguire the T in LGBT is for Timbaland feat. Nelly Furtado 11:53 PM 2023-01-25 52.1K Views 1,678 Likes 190 Retweets
  • 45
    Font - ixura @yixura pro wrestlers really are a different breed cuz where else are you gonna get a guy elbowdropping another guy through a table from 7 ft in the air in his brother's memory while commentary goes 'it's what he would have wanted'. and yeah, i can believe it's what he would have wanted 11:02 PM 2023-01-25 88.4K Views . 4,477 Likes 1,052 Retweets 22 Quotes
  • 46
    Font - gill @contactabrother when i push a pull door that's the real me 1:15 PM 2023-01-25 24K Views 555 Likes 119 Retweets 1 Quote
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