'She basically told you she didn't want the job': Employee tells boss about private DM's from a job candidate

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Remy Millisky • Writer and Editor
May 3, 2023 11:00 AM EDT

Be careful what you say in the workplace, even if you think you're saying it in private. 

This woman got burned by a coworker, and I bet she won't make the same mistake twice. U/Ok-Material6418, who is that coworker, wrote to r/AmItheA**hole, where they were presumably feeling a bit guilty. As they explained, they were in the middle of trying to hire candidates for a job, and found a friend of a friend to have an interview. 

But the red flags quickly began waving for this OP. They explained that the candidate began DMing them, and sharing some pretty concerning information. In the comments, people agreed with the OP's judgement here. After all, why would you want to hire someone who is already showing major signs that they're going to be a short-term employee? 

Scroll down to read this office drama, then check out another work story here. 

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  • 01
    Font - r/AmItheA u/Ok-Material6418 Parta pant [1] . Posted by AITA for telling my bosses that a candidate we interviewed for a position wanted to go back to her old job?
    via u/Ok-Material6418
  • 02
    Font - I work for an organization that uses hiring committees when interviewing candidates for open positions. I was in a hiring committee for someone who was a friend of a friend. Knowing this, she reached out to me via DM on social media. During our chat, she said that she had been improperly/illegally terminated by her previous employer, was appealing the termination, and was more interested in going back to her old position. She told me if she got hired with us and was offered her old positi
    via u/Ok-Material6418
  • 03
    Font - After the hiring committee interviews a person, the committee then discusses their impressions of the candidate. The position this person was applying for involves a very heavy caseload, and there is a huge investment of time that goes into training the folks we hire into this position. Thus, I told my bosses on the hiring committee that the applicant was trying to get her old job back and had told me she would quit our position if she could go back to the old one. She wasn't a particular
    via u/Ok-Material6418
  • 04
    Font - Though I don't really know this person, I imagine she assumed she was speaking to me in confidence, though that was never explicitly stated. I felt a little bad that I let the proverbial cat out of the bag. AITA for telling my bosses that this person would have quit the position at our organization if she was offered her old job back?
    via u/Ok-Material6418
  • 05
    Font - solicitedopinions. Enthusiast [6] NAH. She's not an AH for her preferences but you're on the hiring A committee and your responsibility is to assess for the best candidate. She offered this info and it's relevant to the decision. If she asked explicitly for you not to share that and you agreed but did anyway, I'd put you more in the AH area. But frankly she shouldn't have shared that with anyone on the hiring committee (esp if you're not that close).
    via u/solicitedopinions
  • 06
    Font - ipofex Professor Emerita [75] NAH, your job in this situation is to look out for your employers interests, so you're not an a for letting them know. The new employee is not an for having this preference either, but it a was a strategic mistake of them to tell you.
    via u/ipofex
  • 07
    Font - To act otherwise is putting your own as on the line if the employer later finds out that yes, she does leave, and she had informed you that she would so she figured it would be all good to do so, no hard feelings.
    via u/ipofex
  • 08
    Font - Specific-Succotash-8. Certified Proctologist [24] NTA, and honestly, that was foolish of her. She knew you were part of the interview committee and said that? I'm sitting here shaking my head.
    via u/Specific-Succotash-8
  • 09
    Font - It's an important lesson that even if the conversation feels friendly and personal, it's not. It's an interview. Maybe it's because of what I do (lawyer), but her doing that for things other than, e.g., saying thank you for taking the time to talk to me or feel free to reach out with questions, would actually make me worry about judgment and professionalism. Maybe I'm too harsh, but as much I think social media has some positives, people need to remember that the hiring process, especiall
    via u/Specific-Succotash-8
  • 10
    Font - for an organization and finding people we hope will stay a while. I certainly don't expect the boomer-esque lifetime at the same company stuff, but no company really wants to train someone to have them leave right away. Recruiting and training both have soft-dollar and hard-dollar costs.
    via u/Specific-Succotash-8
  • 11
    Font - Ok-Material6418 OP. Parta ipant [1] I am also a lawyer. This person was applying for a non- attorney position.
    via u/Ok-Material6418
  • 12
    Font - Specific-Succotash-8 Certified Proctolog... Honestly wouldn't matter if your description of the training load is accurate. The paralegals, assistants, and legal secretaries I've had over the years are the people who made me look good. They often have the technical skills that keep us moving along.
    via u/Specific-Succotash-8
  • 13
    Font - AN Ok-Material6418 ОР Parta pant [1] I work in legal aid, which means we don't have a lot of support, which means I appreciate our support staff that much more. They are rock stars. I only responded because I was all, "Hey! Another lawyer!" I should have made that more clear.
    via u/Ok-Material6418
  • 14
    Font - PublicRedditor Parta_ipant [1] NTA, you most likely saved your company a lot of hassle and wasted money on useless training. And having to go through the hiring process all over again.
    via u/PublicRedditor
  • 15
    Font - AudreyB4 Colo-rectal Surgeon [39] ΝΤΑ She basically told you she didn't want the job. The only thing you could have done differently was to tell her not to apply.
    via u/AudreyB4
  • 16
    Cheezburger Image 9759083264
    via Tingey Injury Law Firm on Unsplash

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