'Why are you so short and snippy?': Employee with sick parent reprimanded for being in a bad mood at work

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    Product - "I got in trouble about it at work because I'm grieving"
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    Font - My mom is dying and I got in trouble about it at work because I'm grieving. My mom is dying of glioblastoma. When I started my job 2.5 years ago, during the interview I disclosed that my mom had glioblastoma and it was terminal and therefore sometime in the future I would have to deal with that. Well unfortunately that time has come and she is now in hospice and fading fast. I have disclosed all of this to my bosses. I have been short at work and sometimes it's hard not to be snippy. My b
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    Font - Not the best response but I'm not all okay as of late. Well in response to that I got called into his office, along w/ his wife, the other owner of the company. I got asked "what is going on with you? Why are you so short and snippy?!" I responded with; "my mom is dying! I'm sad, I'm depressed, I'm just trying to keep it together and you keep piling projects on me, I'm stressed
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    Font - and not doing well!"Well that was a mistake...I then got lectured about how unprofessional I am being...That I need to respect them and communicate everything that is going on to them. That they are being very understanding of my situation and that I cannot be short/snippy to them and that I need to leave my home life...at home...After having a full panic attack and through hiccup crying I then asked to go back to my office to which they said "fine."I've been trying to leave my grief at h
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    Font - for them and coming into the office and just getting thier work done for them.Today I got asked...basically...when my mother plans to pass. So they can have a backup ready for me when I have to deal with that. What the actual I told them I wasn't sure on when exactly her expiration date was and had a feeling it would be Sept./Oct...I'm so over all of this. I just want to quit but I don't have the means or energy to update my resume, portfolio, etc. and then have to do interviews.The TLDR
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    Font - ***UPDATE*** I just wanted to say thank you all for the kind words and advice. I never have posted something like this on Reddit in the 12 years I've been here because I was scared. After today I needed some advice and needed to hear what other people would do and how they would react in my situation. I needed to hear from not just the people in my circle...
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    Font - and now I don't feel as alone or as fearful towards my bosses. I even took the 'be professional, buck up, this isn't a hall pass' comments and yes, I can agree to that advice as well. Some days I do have to try to do that too.
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    Font - Fair_Penalty_4658. 16 hr. ago If you are in the USA then you get 12 weeks of FMLA. It's protected leave so I know that sometimes money is tight and you can't do it. But you should definitely apply because your mother's death is a reason. You can spend the last few months of her life with her not worrying about your s***** job because they have to technically hold it. And then you can look for another job. I'm so sorry for what you're going through. 286 Reply Share
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    Gesture - HolyCarp12 19 hr. ago These guys are scumbags. Get out if you can. 4 207 Reply Share
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    Font - ahorsenamedbill - 20 hr. ago Hi. I have been in this spot. I am sending you healing energy for strength and perseverance. I stayed very low key and quiet when my work started to treat me like low hanging fruit. American culture doesn't allow room for real life happenings without punishment and promised servitude. Take 5 minutes at a time. Nobody can take care of your body, soul and spirit like you can 132 Reply Share
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    Font - AdPsychological2719. 15 hr. ago This advice is spot on. So sorry for what's happening to you and your family
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    Font - Sea-Ad9057 17 hr. ago wow honestly i would have doubled down on the sarcasm when they asked for a time frame for her passing and said how about you tell me when it is convenient for the company for her to die and i will try to get her to schedule her death in that time for you 120 Reply Share
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    Font - HeyThoseWereMine 20 hr. ago First of all I am so sorry for your loss. Second of all your bosses, I'm not a lawyer and I don't know where you are globally but that sounds like grounds for a harassment lawsuit. Now I'm sure you don't have the energy or desire to go through an adding something so large to your plate, but if you can try to get documentation of everything they are doing and saying to you because that is just straight up mistreatment.
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    Font - FSR1960 16 hr. ago Here is what I know. You will not regret spending your mom's last days together, you will regret being at work and not with your mom. Leave wherever you are and go to your mom, stay with your mom.
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    Font - Questn4Lyfe 16 hr. ago What's heartbreaking is they not talking to you about what's going on with you. They're talking to you because you're no good for them. They want you to be automated and act as if you're not going through one of the worst crisis. But hells bells if their loved one was dying, they'd expect nothing but sympathy and tears.
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    Font - But...let's focus on you first: First, you need to focus on your mom. That's the most important thing. Don't worry about these guys. Don't worry about your job; if the situation was on the other foot, I'm sure your mom would do the exact same thing for you.
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    Font - Don't focus on job hunting and everything BUT what I would do is little by little, square things away and do it day by day. If there's a day you don't feel like doing anything - don't do it. Be lazy and most importantly, check in with your mom. Also check in with your friends and family.
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    Font - I'd also not engage with these people. Don't have to "be snippy" but limit as much interaction as you can. If they say something; just say you're concentrating on work. I'd also not relay any more information about your mom to them or anyone at work. If they ask, just say it's a private situation at the moment
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    Handwriting - If they want you to share more, just say again, "it's a private situation and you're handling it the best way you can."
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    Font - When the time does come; be cordial and blunt. Example: "My mom passed tonight. I will take my week-long bereavement starting tomorrow and won't be back till a week from tomorrow. I will not be answering any calls, texts or emails during this time."
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    Font - Save that message and any subsequent response your superiors will say. Screenshot and save them just in case they try to say you're not being a team player.
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    Font - Oh and one other thing and please don't take this the wrong way: Don't ever cry in front of your bosses. The reason being most bosses will know then exactly what it'll take to make you lose it and sometimes they can be such holes that they relish seeing their subordinates cry. Crying means nothing to them. So don't give it to them. Don't give them any emotion whatsoever.

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