Funniest Tweets From Twitter Users Who Don't Want to Call it X (September 24, 2023)

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  • 01
    Shorts - Dildo Baggins @EmmaTolkin OPINION MICHELLE COTTLE Is the Cure to Male Loneliness Clapping the Hands? July 19, 2023 9:02 PM 2023-08-01 374K Views 1,805 Reposts 39 Quotes ... 21.7K Likes 189 Bookmarks
  • 02
    Photograph - kelsie @randyshart : Him: you better not be using the large chambers of your proboscis-like snout (which unfortunately leave you susceptible to respiratory infection) to filter dust and warm the freezing air you breathe on the harsh Mongolian steppe Me: 7:16 PM-2023-08-01 36.7K Views 232 Reposts 3 Quotes 1,321 Likes 32 Bookmarks
  • 03
    Font - jordan @Jordan Uhl We need to reboot Myth Busters just to explain the cop slide. Only need one episode. 11:37 PM 2023-08-02 294K Views 781 Reposts 14 Quotes 11.1K Likes 83 Bookmarks
  • 04
    Font - hope @LAINLAIN [watching birds at the feeder] i could do that 7:58 PM 2023-08-02 5,628 Views 39 Reposts 224 Likes 1 Bookmark
  • 05
    Organism - MIMI ZIMA @MIMI_ZIMA Friend: *describing a harrowing experience* Me: omg not you being harrowed 3:56 PM 2023-08-02 115K Views 368 Reposts 5 Quotes 3,584 Likes 49 Bookmarks
  • 06
    Natural foods - Pop! Amazing @CreoleBbyBritt About me: I'M THE PICKLE FRIEND, GIVE ME YOUR PICKLE Oh cool, you're not going to eat that, I'll take that off your hands, no problem, don't even worry about it. 5:30 PM 2023-08-02 from Earth - 737K Views 4,874 Reposts 507 Quotes 13K Likes 227 Bookmarks :
  • 07
    Font - jakethedog53 @questionmark39 >give the weed man a portrait of his dog as a tip >he wants to buy a painting I've been DYING to sell >his gf wants a portrait of her cat >he's recommending me to a lady he knows who wants portraits of her dogs >i feel like i chose the right dialogue option in a video game 6:26 PM 2023-08-03 107K Views . 670 Reposts 6 Quotes 11.7K Likes 310 Bookmarks
  • 08
    Font - OIN Pastrami Mommy @Ewelannawhite they call garlic a bulb because it's a light in the darkness....a beacon of hope through the cold blackness that is the mortifying ordeal of being known 11:25 PM 2023-08-03 25.1K Views ... 128 Reposts 5 Quotes 723 Likes 5 Bookmarks
  • 09
    Font - Haus of Decline @hausofdecline Goth Misogynist: you'd be prettier if you smiled less 1:43 AM 2023-08-05 63.3K Views . 377 Reposts 5 Quotes 3,805 Likes 50 Bookmarks ...
  • 10
    Font - kim @KimmyMonte if you're feeling down, you're probably just holding a goose. 3:59 PM 2023-08-04 5,171 Views 44 Reposts 154 Likes
  • 11
    Organism - Fresh Lettuce @newLettuce [library] hi do you have any books about when a guy is really mad at one specific whale 12:57 PM 2023-05-24 176K Views 745 Reposts 13 Quotes 4,119 Likes 43 Bookmarks
  • 12
    Black - MisterD @MisterD78UK Ok... so wireless bra's don't have any internet connectivity, we all make mistakes, can we just move on now. 8:07 AM 2023-08-05 9,491 Views 116 Reposts 2 Quotes 311 Likes 3 Bookmarks
  • 13
    Font - Louise O'Connor @oconnola For sale: summer clothes, never worn. 2:40 PM 2023-08-05 45.7K Views 108 Reposts 1 Quote 1,026 Likes 4 Bookmarks
  • 14
    Organism - mau @villainsaints i'll finish the saddest most painful book i've ever read in my life and then recommend it to everyone i know 2:37 PM 2023-08-05 152K Views 917 Reposts 229 Quotes 4,913 Likes 316 Bookmarks
  • 15
    Vertebrate - The Notorious J.O.V. @whotfisjovana someone: "what's on your mind?" the inside of my mind: 4:02 PM 2023-08-06 120K Views . 815 Reposts 21 Quotes 3,802 Likes 34 Bookmarks :
  • 16
    Font - Sarah McGonagall @gothspiderbitch I could never handle living in a minimalist space. where would I store my gadgets and gizmos aplenty? my whosits and whatsits galore? what about all twenty of my thingamabobs? it's simply not realistic. 1:30 AM 2023-08-07 34.6K Views . ... 373 Reposts 7 Quotes 1,739 Likes 16 Bookmarks
  • 17
    Font - sanga fanaggot @sangamoder Modern interpretation of the siren that's just a really sleepy girl with a bunch of plushies who constantly begs you to come back to bed. 2:07 PM 2023-08-06 127K Views 1,154 Reposts 122 Quotes 6,646 Likes 329 Bookmarks
  • 18
    Organism - corie @corietjohnson how does anyone get anything done ? i spend most of my time thinking about how in an hour it will be an hour later 8:07 PM 2023-08-06 26K Views 147 Reposts 9 Quotes 1,136 Likes 23 Bookmarks
  • 19
    Font - green boy @fuckyoukazoo *hyping you up for a first date* just remember: they r just as scared of you as you are of them .. 2:48 PM 2023-08-06 23.1K Views 130 Reposts 3 Quotes 1,486 Likes 20 Bookmarks
  • 20
    Font - Sundae Divine X @Sundae Divine Someone asked me today about my plans for the Fall and it took me a moment to realize she meant the Autumn and not the collapse of civilization. 8:41 PM 2023-08-06 14.7K Views 131 Reposts 8 Quotes 1,210 Likes 4 Bookmarks
  • 21
    Font - Jon @ArfMeasures Wife: I want a divorce because your enthusiasm's turned into bitter sarcasm Tony the Tiger: great 10:52 AM 2020-09-04 520 Reposts 2 Quotes 4,286 Likes 26 Bookmarks
  • 22
    Font - laur. @evil_foetus it is september 12 2001. your child will not eat. do you do the here comes the airplane thing. 3:52 AM 2023-08-04 661K Views 3,491 Reposts 177 Quotes 31.5K Likes 1,094 Bookmarks
  • 23
    Organism - Lucy (fake) @_lucyfake im sooooooo mad humans cant make this face !!!! 11:21 PM - 2023-08-07 43.2K Views 93 Reposts 13 Quotes 502 Likes 12 Bookmarks ...
  • 24
    Font - Noah Kahan @NoahKahan Damn if u don't know what insurance is u are so stupid like everyone know what it is. Insurance is so easy to understand and not intangible at all. Someone should tell me what it is as a joke so we can both talk about how we know what it is. U go first 12:43 PM 2023-08-08 268K Views 1,016 Reposts 87 Quotes 14.7K Likes 88 Bookmarks
  • 25
    Organism - lea chin-sang @bigfatmoosepssy i can't watch Coraline because it's absolutely mind boggling how many choices she avoided that i would've said yes to and died 1:03 AM 2023-08-09 21K Views ... 51 Reposts 3 Quotes 1,046 Likes 33 Bookmarks
  • 26
    Font - (♡)( miraculous witch of fate) @basicbaka a detective show featuring an autistic detective who's trained but is known to get a 98% confession rate because they ask simple questions + criminals show their true selves more often to them 8:41 AM 2023-08-08 from Earth 64.3K Views . 259 Reposts 62 Quotes 3,111 Likes 225 Bookmarks
  • 27
    Font - First generation home renter @Internet Hippo This app is mostly for getting mad at people for being annoying in a different way than you are 1:55 PM 2022-08-29 747 Reposts 28 Quotes 4,040 Likes 43 Bookmarks
  • 28
    Font - Megi @reaIsnowhite I go to sleep every night with all of my favourite items spread out around me like I am an ancient egyptian resting in her tomb 3:35 PM 2023-08-09 282K Views 2,353 Reposts 178 Quotes 11.8K Likes 441 Bookmarks
  • 29
    Font - PLA the hype @TheHyyyype you want me to drink water. the thing that killed jack in titanic 9:41 PM 2021-12-06 44K Reposts 1,483 Quotes 318K Likes 3,170 Bookmarks
  • 30
    Font - PLA the hype @TheHyyyype you want me to stop and smell the roses. the thing that killed jack in titanic 12:06 PM-2021-12-07 330 Reposts 21 Quotes 4,529 Likes 24 Bookmarks
  • 31
    Forehead - Sofia Coppium @indianloonie Goombas watching Mario throw a high speed fireball at them 3:30 PM 2023-08-10 from Earth 94.6K Views 519 Reposts 15 Quotes : 5,476 Likes 103 Bookmarks
  • 32
    Font - kim @KimmyMonte {notices you're wearing silver earrings} sorry your ears came in 2nd 11:56 AM 2023-08-11 24.2K Views 83 Reposts 674 Likes 9 Bookmarks
  • 33
    Font - lauren @slutti_spagheti girls only want two things: 1. to be kissed passionately to the point that they forget everything else in the world exists for a moment 2. pasta 12:23 AM 2023-08-11 from Earth 237K Views . 991 Reposts 170 Quotes 5,407 Likes 201 Bookmarks
  • 34
    Eyelash - etica @ijustBbeing franz kafka if he slayed 5:07 AM 2023-08-11 610K Views 1,729 Reposts 273 Quotes 11.1K Likes 139 Bookmarks :

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