'She admitted she doesn't know if she can love humans': Husband wants a divorce because of what wife said during couple's therapy, seeks advice from the Internet

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Isabella Penn
Nov 4, 2023 6:00 PM EDT

The wife in this story has decided to try out therapy due to her mental health issues. She's a vet, and her job is very high stress, so her husband agreed that she should seek counseling. After she began to enjoy the benefits of therapy, she asked her husband to join her. He was wary of it at first, but he agreed to do it for her. When the topic of trust in their marriage came up, what she said next really shocked her husband. The husband is now left pretty bothered by her words and doesn't know if he can continue to be with her, so he decided to seek the advice of the Internet. What are your thoughts on this situation?

For more relationship drama, read about this woman who won't let her husband buy a house for his ex-wife, but her family thinks she's the bad guy.

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  • 01
    Posted by u/Old-Construction-906 20 hours ago 2 AITA for wanting to divorce because of what my wife said in therapy?
    via u/Old-Construction-906
  • 02
    My wife(37F) and I(40M) got married 12 years ago and she has been my rock and our marriage was really good. Or use to really good before we went to therapy. My friend was suffering from a lot of mental health issues and we were worried from him.
    via u/Old-Construction-906
  • 03
    He did about 2 years in therapy and is doing a lot better. My wife suffered from anxiety and de on and she is a vet which is a very high stress job. I recommended she try therapy too and she agreed. She went to
    via u/Old-Construction-906
  • 04
    therapy for 6 months and said she likes it and wants me to go with her. I personally find it a little hippy dippy but it couldn't hurt so I agreed. First 2 therapy appointment went well, the therapist(not her personal one) nailed down one
    via u/Old-Construction-906
  • 05
    thing about my wife, she is extremely distrusting of other humans. She didn't have a good family growing up and her father sold her dog which she said was her only friend and she suffered from an eating disorder and almost ended it in her teens. But
    via u/Old-Construction-906
  • 06
    as an adult she is relatively well adjusted and she is a great mom to our 2 kids. He asked us as homework to do the big 5 personality test. It was a long questionnaire and we shared it with him. My trust of others was a 34 and hers was a 8
    via u/Old-Construction-906
  • 07
    which is very low. He asked her to tell him what makes her distrust people. She said people were very two faced and only do what benefited them and she felt like she has a disadvantage in life because of her morals.
    via u/Old-Construction-906
  • 08
    She is very kind to people which is weird because she doesn't trust them at all. She helps people a lot and one of her friend even said she's the one they go to for advice because they know she wants the best for them and can keep a secret. She
    via u/Old-Construction-906
  • 09
    does a lot of unpaid work to help stray animals and is often depressed if an animal passes away. But she says she does it because she feels extreme guilt if she doesn't help others but she feels people don't feel guilt hurting her which is why she prefers animals to humans.
    via u/Old-Construction-906
  • 10
    Then the topic of our marriage and trust came up and she was super tight lipped about it at first but then admitted she didn't trust me all that much. She said she actually married me because I was honest in being kind of "in it for myself". She said she can't
    via u/Old-Construction-906
  • 11
    stand people who appear kind and compassionate and then lie and backstab people and prefers an honest person. I was shocked because I feel like I'm an honest but also kind and generous person. But in her eyes I'm not but she says it's fine because I'm honest about it. She also
    via u/Old-Construction-906
  • 12
    admitted she took out the "in sickness and in health" part of our nuptials because she felt like I would divorce her if she got cancer but she was ok with that because it would kill her to expect it and then be disappointed but she felt like she knew where she stood with me.
    via u/Old-Construction-906
  • 13
    I have been thinking about her words and it bothers me so much. I asked her out of therapy why she even married me and she said she knew I was hard working and honest and most people are not kind but that they fake kindness to get ahead. She
    via u/Old-Construction-906
  • 14
    liked that I didn't and she felt like she really understood me so she felt safe with me. I told her if she didn't think I was a good person but just an honest one we should just divorce and she got mad and told me our marriage was good, we are working together well
    via u/Old-Construction-906
  • 15
    and raising our kids and there wasn't anything serious. To me I just realized my wife didn't think I was a good person and I feel like our marriage has been a lie. Edit: some of you are asking if she loves me and I love her. I
    via u/Old-Construction-906
  • 16
    definitely love her but in therapy she said she thinks she loves me but also admitted she doesn't know if she can love humans as "humans are generally selfish and destructive and will take advantage of people weaker than themselves". I'm really
    via u/Old-Construction-906
  • 17
    worried if she loves our kids. She acts like she does but it's hard to tell because she goes above and beyond for people she worries are going to backstab her.
    via u/Old-Construction-906
  • 18
    eightmarshmallows 19 hr. ago I think you might need to get your own therapist independent of your wife. She has a very skewed version of reality, and I think her definitions of love, trust, goodness, and honesty are not in line with most peoples and these things hold different values for her than they do others. She may think that being a good person isn't valuable since it's not something achievable by most people. At any rate, find someone to help you translate her version of reality to yours.
    via u/eightmarshmallows
  • 19
    RelationshipAny3998 19 hr. ago THIS ANSWER! OP's wife doesn't view him as evil/bad. She puts more value in honesty than people "wanting to appear to be good people" (bc, as said above, she probably doesn't view a TRULY good person as an attainable thing). I understand OP feeling hurt, but his wife is trying to be truly open and honest about her TRUE feelings and thoughts, which is hugely vulnerable. He will show her how untrustworthy he is if he now turns around and, even inadvertently, twists h
    via u/RelationshipAny3998
  • 20
    gardengoblin94 · 18 hr. ago I feel like this is also kind of a failing on the therapist's part. The point of a couples therapist is to do that translation, to get you on the same wave, etc. We found it hugely helpful in overcoming cultural barriers to communication - my husband's culture is very open and upfront, and that would be considered very r where I'm from. The idea that he needs a whole other therapist to talk about therapy makes me think this therapist is not totally doing their job.
    via u/gardengoblin94
  • 21
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