'Back off and wait for us to be ready': Childfree couple snaps when tenacious parents pressure them to have kids immediately

Author image for Jesse Kessenheimer
Jesse Kessenheimer • Writer and Editor
Jan 25, 2024 1:00 PM EST

When you're in your late 20's or your early 30's, if you've been in a semi-stable relationship for more than 5 minutes, nosy relatives start coming out of the woodwork. You've heard the phrase 'it takes a village', but never thought it meant the village coming after your ever-fruitful loins, chasing you with baby-mongering pitchforks and flaming fertility torches. 

As if there's a ticking time bomb on your chest, aunties and uncles you barely know start feeling entitled to offer you their unsolicited opinions about your biological clock and the urgency of having children as soon as possible. Regardless of how unprepared you are to have children or how apparent it is that you can't afford a child right now, your family never seems to understand the simplest of answers: We're not ready. 

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  • Like many young couples, u/Cool_Temperature_316 did not get through the holidays without his fair share of pestering. With a wife who just finished her PhD and a stable, comfortable job, OP's in-laws thought they would insert themselves into their family planning schedule, getting a harsh awakening instead of a bouncing baby grandchild. Scroll for the full story and the family backlash that shakes the foundations of everyone's ‘village’. 

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    u/Cool_Temperature_316 2 days ago AITA for telling my in-laws that if they want a grandchild they should give my wife her inheritance now.
    via Cool_Temperature_316
  • 03
    Basically my in-laws want their only child, my wife Diana, to start pumping out grandchildren. Diana is 28 and just finishing her PhD. Then she wants to get established in a career before we start a family. My in-laws know how much money I make and they know we could live comfortably off my earnings. That isn't what Diana wants. She has worked her
    via Cool_Temperature_316
  • 04
    off to get where she is and she wants to reap the rewards of here hard work. She also says that once she is working then I can cut back on my hours I'm a welder, and relax a little. I have been working since I was 15, so literally half my life. I make a very good living in return for a lot of fairly hard work. I have supported Diana and her
    via Cool_Temperature_316
  • 05
    education. She will graduate without student loans. We have a house. She has a good car. We have a good life. We want a few more years alone before we start our family. Over Christmas the in-laws just wouldn't drop it. I finally snapped. I said that if they wanted grandchildren then they could reimburse us for her education. They could further pay her
    via Cool_Temperature_316
  • 06
    the salary she would be giving up. When she returned to work they could pay her the difference between what she could be earning and her entry level position. They could pay for a nanny so my wife could work. Or they could back off and wait for us to be ready.
    via Cool_Temperature_316
  • 07
    They said that they couldn't afford all that. I asked them how they expected us to afford it. I said that if it was really what they wanted they could just give her the inheritance that would be coming her way now instead of later. They got all offended and said that is not hers until they don't need it any more.
    via Cool_Temperature_316
  • 08
    Diana asked me to drop it. She has tried dozens of times to explain to her parents why we are waiting. They just ignore her. They ignore what we want for our lives. They have been very cold since Christmas. They seem to think I was a for pointing out the costs of what they are asking for. A lot of her family agree with them that I went too far in asking them to pay if they want a grandchild now instead of later.
    via Cool_Temperature_316
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    The_Bad_Agent 2 days ago Professor Emeritass [85] ΝΤΑ They have to be reminded in VERY STRONG terms that it is literally none of their business. They have absolutely no say whatsoever in when you both choose to procreate. Stop being nice about it. They need to be put in their proper place. If they want a new baby around, their option is to adopt. That's where they have a say. Otherwise, they need to STFU and back all the way off.
    via The_Bad_Agent
  • 10
    Awareness United 7390 2 days ago My the title I was leaning toward Y TA, but after reading - absolutely not. They aren't listening or respecting your choices. Like, how dare you share the economic and lifestyle impact of children. /s
    via AwarenessUnited7390
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    _Z_E_R_O 2 days ago This. If they want her to start pumping babies out immediately, they'd better be prepared to pay for the level of childcare she'll need. Either that or offer to watch the kid themselves.
    via _Z_E_R_O
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    mrmeeseekslifeispain 2 days ago These people don't respect their daughter's autonomous choices regarding her life, why would you suggest they watch children who they also will not respect? 462 Reply Share _Z_E_R_O 1 day ago It's more about calling them on their bluff.
    via mrmeeseekslifeispain
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    -a-random-test-user- 1 day ago. edited 1 day ago Partassipant [2] The fact that they didn't even offer childcare really irked me. My mom is the primary childcare provider for my nieces, this allows my brother and sister in law to both have good careers. She does it because she genuinely loves being a grandma and loves those little girls, as do we all.
    via -a-random-test-user-
  • 14
    Charissa29 2 days ago This reminds me of what I said to my mother. She wasn't allowed to harass my sister about when my sister was going to have a baby so she kept asking me. Finally I said "Look if you want one so bad, I'll pop one out but you have to take care of it!" She stopped asking after that. 294 Reply Share SalisburyWitch 2 days ago That could have backfired big time.
    via Charissa29
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    Jaydri 2 days ago Boomers and some Gen Xers don't get the realities of the world Millenials and Gen Z are living in as adults. Nothing is affordable anymore unless you're in the top 15%. I'm an older millennial and can see how people just a few years ahead of me were able to make massive strides in their lives beyond what I'm able to do. I was only just able to really have a kid and a house and I'm still struggling. Her parents can pass on some of the financial stability they were able to achiev
    via Jaydri
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    AlphaWolfRynn 2 days ago edited 2 days ago -ish? Was your snap back harsh and Yes. Was it deserved? Absolutely. Sometimes, we need to be i. They were constantly persistent and pressuring you both, despite your wife repeatedly explaining why you both wanted to wait. They needed to be shut down once and for all. Moving forward, if they try to start up again, keep it short & firm: "we aren't ready/we aren't discussing this" and move on.
    via AlphaWolfRynn
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    Proof Option1386 2 days ago Certified Proctologist [23] NTA - if they didn't want you to say what you thought, they shouldn't have said what *they* thought. They don't have to agree with you, but it's ridiculous for them to feel that free to express themselves and then clutch their pearls when you respond in kind.
    via Proof_Option1386
  • 18
    Extra-Ad2751 2 days ago NTA - I think this is a brilliant response to grand parents insisting you "give" them grandkids. 496 Reply Share aluriaphin 2 days ago "I will not give you grandchildren but perhaps you would care to buy some?"
    via Extra-Ad2751
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    Artistic Sun1825 - 2 days ago Partassipant [2] NTA. Are they even proud of their daughter's accomplishments or she just a walking incubator to them?
    via Artistic_Sun_1825
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    Alert-Cranberry-5972 2 days ago Thanks for asking the question, Artistic_Sun. I was wondering the same. Congratulations to you both on your wife being close to finishing her doctorate... it's a difficult challenge to do it solo. She's fortunate that you're supportive and have her back. Now if her parents could learn to celebrate one major life accomplishment before pressuring for another... ΝΤΑ
    via Alert-Cranberry-5972
  • 21
    SalisburyWitch 2 days ago What they are doing is telling her that her educational and employment accomplishments mean nothing to them unless she has her baby degree.
    via SailiscburyWitch
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    OneDumbfuckLater 2 days ago Obviously the latter if they think OP is capable of covering the costs of childcare as-is. "Oh you can just let hubby be the breadwinner and you can stay home alIIIIIII day with the kids won't that be fun for you both???"
    via OneDumbfucklater
  • 23
    rabbithasacat 2 days ago It sure does sound as though they regard her accomplishments as obstacles on the path to what they want. Not even what they want for her, just what they want from her. 422 Reply Share SalisburyWitch 2 days ago Incubator.
    via rabbithasacat

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Babies aita marriage baby child drama kids childfree pressure wife parenting husband father in law in laws mother in law family reddit thread Reddit married parents children couple
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