'It takes a village, but we don't forcibly draft the villagers': Entitled mom accuses family of raising her baby recklessly

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JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Feb 24, 2024 4:00 PM EST

The phrase "it takes a village" has become a galvanizing term in the world of parenting. Once understood as a sort of folksy, aw-shucks, last episode of Gilmore Girls-esque testament to community has now become a pain point for many parents raising young children. The idea behind "the village" is having a network of childcare support that is more relational than transactional, harkening back to the days when we lived in villages and raised children communally. 

The key facet of that idea, though, is reciprocity. Sure, your aunt will cook your kid dinner, but the next day she might expect you to watch her kids in return. It's a beautiful culture of symbiosis-- a key feature that seems to be lost on the subject of this recent Reddit post. Also, that participating in "the village" necessitates some relinquishing of control. Such is the nature of letting other people watch your kids. But things, of course, get messy. Read on for details. 

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  • 01
    20 r/AmltheAsshole u/Silly-Sweet2776 • 22h AITA for telling my daughter the reason she doesn't have a village is due to being overbearing
    via u/Silly-Sweet2776
  • 02
    My daughter (29) has one child named Sally. We have a large family with a lot of aunts and uncles. At the beginning everyone was super happy to help out and be the village. The problem started when my daughter started having issues with every single thing they did when helping her out. At first it was big things that should be respected (like respecting nap time) but overtime it started to get smaller and smaller. It got to the point where she was nickpicky just to nickpick.
    via u/Silly-Sweet2776
  • 03
    When ever someone would babysit or help her out she would be texting them constantly or basically be hovering over their shoulder. Some examples, aunt Jen's basement isn't safe ( the kid doesn't go into her basement), washed the dirty baby clothes with the wrong softener, food wasn't correct ( always too hot or too cold). The list goes on and on. To make it worse she has an attitude that she is the one doing us a favor by letting us near Sally and not that we are helping her out since none of us
    via u/Silly-Sweet2776
  • 04
    I understand she is a first time parent but it is very frustrating. It's all her way and she won't except anything else.lt got to the point where they don't help her anymore, they were tired of her nickpickying everything they do and where done.
    via u/Silly-Sweet2776
  • 05
    She was complains that no one was helping her, and basically they all 1. I told her the reason she doesn't have a village anymore is due to big overbearing. She called me a my texts and hasn't answer
    via u/Silly-Sweet2776
  • 06
    Worth-Season3645 22h Colo-rectal Surgeon [44] ● NTA...if they are babysitting, how does she even know if the food is cold or hot? Also, don't worry. When she cannot get anyone else to watch her child, she will call you. You called her out on her behavior. She should own it.
    via u/Worth-Season3645
  • 07
    Silly-Sweet2776 OP. 22h Oh I'm not watching Sally I can't deal with it either. She needs to change her behavior, I'm not putting up with it. It's not worth it, she needs to relax a bit
    via u/Silly-Sweet2776
  • 08
    Vandreeson • 22h NTA. It does take a village, but people get to decide if they want to be a part of the village. Your daughter did this to herself and you told her the truth.
    via u/Vandreeson
  • 09
    That DiscoSongUHate • 21h It takes a village, but we don't forcibly draft the villagers lol It genuinely that this parent would rather alienate the numerous people willing to help her and her child and toss them out because they're not willing to be totally micromanaged. Yes, there are DEFINITELY things a parent should have total say over and that caregivers/babysitters should not overstep but NO ONE short of highly paid nannies would be willing to follow a step by step list of Do/Do Nots that t
    via u/ThatDiscoSongUHate
  • 10
    ΝΤΑ KronkLaSworda • 22h Sultan of Sphincter [775] Sometimes you just have to tell people the truth without sugar coating it. Don't bite the hand that feeds you. Don't be to the people that are helping you.
    via u/KronkLaSworda
  • 11
    Active-Anteater1884 • 22h Partassipant [2] NTA. The solution to this problem is your daughter hiring someone paid to follow her instructions exactly. When people are "favor babysitting," as long as the baby is safe and warm, clean and fed, your daughter has nothing to complain about.
    via u/Active-Anteater1884
  • 12
    Ceecee_soup • 22h Partassipant [3] Sounds like your daughter has pretty extreme anxiety manifesting as control issues. Have you talked to her about possible PPA? Or general anxiety disorder? NTA but as her mom, I would be worried about the source of the behavior
    via u/Ceecee_soup
  • 13
    HouseKaylord • 21h This comment should be higher! It sounds like maybe she's a single parent since the post has no mention about a partner at all. Doing it all alone definitely increases risk for PPA/PPD.
    via u/HouseKaylord
  • 14
    thewhiterosequeen • 22h Supreme Court Just- [112] NTA. The only person who should have obligation is the father. If she didn't like the help as provided, she isn't entitled to the help. Yeah it doing the hard work of parenting, but she's old enough to know what she signed up for. When she complained, you were allowed to explain why.
    via u/thewhiterosequeen
  • 15
    WilliamTindale8 • 22h Stop texting your daughter and begging for her time. When you do that, it puts all the power in her hands. Let her stew in her own juice for a while and think about the hard truths you told her. That's the only thing that may make her see the light. Yes it's hard not to see your grandchild for a bit but you have to if you want anything to change.
    via u/WilliamTindale8
  • 16
    04243G 21h Partassipant [1] Going to say NAH. ● I can't make a judgement with just your POV on this. There's too much nuance when it comes to situations like this. And to be honest some of the things you listed as nitpicking I don't think are nitpicking. Is Jen's basement unsafe? Was the detergent you used fragranced and will that irritate the babies skin? The recommendations for child rearing change from generation to generation. Older relatives often will disregard requests from new parents be
    via u/04243G
  • 17
    Schulle2105 • 22h Colo-rectal Surgeon [34] The village thing is throwing me off a little, but if I understand correctly your relatives removed themselves because they didn't want to handle the demands of you daughter in regards to your grandchild. Then NTA to tell her why everyone removed themselves from her as it were her actions that resulted in that fallout, it might be important nitpicking of her though because if the child has allergies it could be problematic to use certain softeners and f
    via u/Schulle2105

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family drama kids raising moms reddit story parenting mommy babysitting family reddit thread Reddit raising kids mom Parenting Fail parents children Parenting FAILS
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