‘You can deal with the problem child now’: Frustrated Mother Leaves the Father to Take Care of Their Rebellious 16 Year Old Alone After She Illegally Drives Her Friends to the Mall on a Restricted License

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    Posted by u/difficult-daughter 19 hours ago AITA for leaving and telling my husband that if our daughter's behavior isn't a problem, he can deal with her?
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    My husband and I have 5 kids, Elena (25), Michael (24), Maya (23), Andrew (20), and Emma (16). My husband was never the most involved father. He would take the kids for fun outings every now and then but that was about it, he left the rest to me. Our older 4 are all great people. Elena is in med school, Michael is an electrician, Maya is a nurse, and Andrew is pre
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    med. They were all fairly easy kids. They've done some stupid Elena vaped for about a month, Michael snuck out to see his girlfriend, Maya never did her homework, and Andrew got in a couple fights. They all still had good grades, were well liked by their teachers, and were overall good people.
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    Emma is, and has always been, completely different from her siblings. She was kicked out of her first preschool, regularly suspended from her elementary/middle school, wasn't allowed to go on school trips because of her behavior issues, and her elementary/middle school forced us to get an assessment on her TWICE and take her to see a
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    behavioral specialist or else she'd be expelled. She's at a public high school now and sees the school psychologist but is still in trouble so often that I'm on a first name basis with the dean at her school. She's still banned from school trips and we're about 50/50 on her being allowed to attend other school functions.
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    Over the past month she's 1. stolen alcohol from friends parents and got so drunk she ended up in the emergency room 2. skipped school 3 times 3. 5 detentions 4. drove her friends to the mall (illegal because of her restricted license) while
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    grounded 5. started calling all of our family members sped or retarded whenever they annoy her I can't punish her because my husband always says I'm too hard on her and undermines me. If I try to punish her, she laughs and walks away. She uses her size
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    (she's got about 6 inches and 80 pounds on us) to intimidate me and my daughters and is very aggressive with my sons. My husband and I were arguing because I took her car keys after she took her friends to the mall and he said she's being a normal teenager, I have something against her, and that there is
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    nothing wrong with her behavior. I snapped. I told him that if there's nothing wrong with her behavior, he can deal with her. I packed a bag and I'm currently staying with Maya 5 hours away. I called the school and told them to contact my husband when they have any issues and that I will not be responsible for Emma and her behavior anymore.
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    My husband has called me multiple times saying I need to come back and that Emma needs me. I've told him that he needs to deal with her now since he never saw her behavior as a problem. He's calling me cruel and a horrible parent now. I'm sure this will end in divorce but I just wanted to know if I was wrong for leaving and telling my husband that Emma
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    know if I was wrong for leaving and telling my husband that Emma is his problem now.
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    ChristinaWSalemOR. 19 hr. ago NTA. He needs to agree to family counseling to work with you on your daughter's behavioral issues and mental health probs and stop ignoring them. She's old enough to decide if she cares enough about your
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    enough about your relationship to make a change.
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    Echo-Azure - 16 hr. ago edited 15 hr. ago Agreeing to come back if the husband agrees to go to family therapy and stay in family therapy, is one option for the OP.
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    Another is to stay where she is, and see what else is possible.
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    Ok_Statistician_9825 15 hr. ago Part of the answer involves the kid. If she cones back too soon the kid will see how much power she has.
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    Mad-Dog20-20 · 12 hr. ago Dad needs to handle a call or two from the school on his own.
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    wake-up721. 12 hr. ago The kid is only doing this because she has already seen it and the dad allows it...it's too late, she is too old and most likely won't change.
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    L_obsoleta. 11 hr. ago I don't think so, because the specific reason for coming back is not depending on what the daughter does. It's based on the husband's behavior, and
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    behavior, and agreeing to therapy. OP, it sounds like she has some mental health issues that are currently not being addressed. She needs to see a
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    doctor who assesses her to make sure she isn't dealing with something more than normal teenage rebellion type stuff.
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    ChristinaWSalemOR. 16 hr. ago I think stay put until sufficient progress is made, right? I would want to see the actual changes. Or honestly, distance might just show that the relationship is over anyway.
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    ArmyAffectionate9364. 14 hr. ago NTA. He just took all your work for granted.
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    carcalarkadingdang . 8 hr. ago Go to family therapy FIRST. If it gets better, then go back home
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    Successful_Virus2340 · 18 hr. ago NTA. I won't scream "divorce", but definitely stay where You are now.
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    TopFisherman5890. 16 hr. ago NTA. He's just wanting you to take the problem off his hands now that he's figured out it's not so easy. Proceed with the divorce and let him have custody of Emma.
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    Ornery_Drummer_6603. 10 hr. ago It is never the kid's responsibility to change anything so parents can stay together but it is the parent's responsibility to take the time to focus on their relationship so that they can stay together. I agree they should have some
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    counseling so that they are on the same page. Sounds like OP has been charge parent for a while and is tired. It's also not the fact the daughter is a handful but that OP has no support from her husband. It's time for him to take the lead to save their marriage.

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