'If I were your wife I’d ask for an IQ test': Podcast advice causes new father to ruin his marriage

Author image for Remy Millisky
Remy Millisky • Writer and Editor
Mar 23, 2024 3:00 PM EDT

This dude wants to know if he ruined his marriage… And it seems like he easily could have done permanent damage. 

There's nothing the internet loves more than a good trend. Some trends come and stay for a while, like certain Tiktok dances or cooking trends. Others are just a flash in the pan, and only hold viral appeal for a day or two. Apparently, in some podcasting communities, a new trend has emerged: requesting your pregnant spouse take a DNA test to prove that the kid is actually yours. 

Taking a DNA test is kind of a big deal, and yet the father in this story, u/11herb, was so blase about asking his pregnant partner to take one. The implication of asking your spouse to take a pregnancy test is that you think they're cheating. What a heavy accusation to levy at your wife and the woman who just grew you a baby in her own body for ten months! 

The father told their story in a swiftly deleted post that was shared by Twitter user @sheikyerbouti_. He also replied to comments with additional information (though the comments this dude replied to weren't available anymore, so you have to read between the lines a bit to figure out what he was replying to). It's an interesting look at what happens when you let YouTubers or podcasters turn your brain to mush, and we hope that this father updates us in the future with the outcome of their marriage dilemmas. 

Up next, these job candidates flubbed their interviews so badly, like one person who admitted that they "work better in a slow-paced environment." 

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  • 01
    'I noticed her behavior started to change'
    via Juja Han on Unsplash
  • 02
    pablo seshcobar @sheikyerbouti_ Imagine blowing up your whole marriage because of what an alpha male podcast told you Imao
    via @sheikyerbouti_
  • 03
    Did I (32m) ruin my marriage by requesting a dna test? My (32m) wife (31m) gave birth to our new born baby three months ago and I thought things were fine, however my wife did not. Two months in my wife approached me saying that she was exhausted from taking care of the baby alone and she asked me why I wasn't helping. I told her that I told her that I thought I was helping but she pointed out that I never get up at night, I never get the baby while it's crying, never change the baby, or do anyt
    via @sheikyerbouti_
  • 04
    After some talking I admitted that I was apprehensive about helping and she asked why. I thought it was going to cause a fight so I tried to change the subject. She told me that I should just tell her because if I didn't she was going to her parents house for help until the she went back to work. I didn't want that so I told her that I wanted a dna test. She said she wish I would have told her this when she found out she was pregnant. I didn't understand that but she agreed to it. She didn't see
    via @sheikyerbouti_
  • 05
    Soon after that I noticed her behavior started to change with me and my family. Everything changed and she started staying in different parts of the house. Parts I wasn't in at the time. I finally asked her about it recently and she said that she lost all respect for me. She said she spent 10 years of her life with me faithfully just for me to slap her in the face with a dna test request. I explained that I didn't think she had been unfaithful but I just needed to be sure. She said she's trying
    via @sheikyerbouti_
  • 06
    I don't know what's happening or how to fix it. She wasn't even mad when I asked for it. I feel like she isn't hearing what I'm saying. It isn't that serious and if she could just understand my perspective I think she'll adjust hers. She's not even against dna test so I'm unsure as to what her issue is. I don't know.
    via @sheikyerbouti_
  • 07
    Sad_Front_6844 That's awful that you put her through that. She definitely deserves better and is probably starting to realise it. 1.1k Share celticmusebooks. I suspect her next child definitely won't be OP's, LOL.
    via u/Sad_Front_6844
  • 08
    wemblewobble Yep marriage is over. She might not file for divorce for awhile, but the respect she used to have for you is never coming back. The part that hates you with the passion of a thousand burning stis is here to stay. You chose to be a I dad because a podcast told you to.
    via u/wemblewobble
  • 09
    RWAdvice I feel like she isn't hearing what I'm saying. She's hearing you. She just thinks you're an idiot for saying it, and has lost all respect for you. You even refused to help care for your own child over this. It's not about your "perspective". You ruined your marriage because you treated your wife like . That is her perspective, and she's right.
    via u/RWAdvice
  • 10
    Toasterinthetub22. Not only did you show you don't trust her. You also admitted that you were purposefully neglecting your child and wife because you couldn't be "sure". You hurt her with your actions and words. The test honestly seems like an excuse to be lazy or put off her "nagging" you for help. You deserve this. Focus on being a better father and accept that it will likely be a coparenting relationship from now on
    via u/Toasterinthetub22
  • 11
    thiscouldbemassive. Yep. You ruined it. Relationships need trust or they fall apart. You didn't trust her, and now she can't trust you. The DNA test is probably not the only terrible advice you've been eating up. It wouldn't surprise me if the place that told you that also encouraged you to be a parent and a neglectful spouse. For the sake of your future, you should really cut all that out of your life.
    via u/thiscouldbemassive
  • 12
    One_Intention_8878. What's happening to her is she's slowing coming to the realization that you're not the man she thought she knew. You made a child with her, left her to care for that child herself, then slapped her with infidelity accusations. You are no longer, or can ever be again, what she fell in love with. That man is gone and the woman you loved is slowly, if not all ready completely, fading away. These are the choices you made, you can't unmake them. You've put her through and
    via u/One_Intention_8878
  • 13
    she's decided she'd rather not ever go through it again. The best thing you can do now is let her heal, whatever that may be. I would say some other things but you haven't yet gained the insight to see your wrongdoings here, it would fall on deaf ears. You were so afraid she might be lying to and deceiving you, without any logical reasoning, evidence, or proof, that what you instead did, was show her you were the liar, the deceiver, the one to not be trusted. Do you get it? You kicked her feet
    via u/One_Intention_8878
  • 14
    out from under her, she's picking herself up. She's not going to let you kick her again. You need to see someone about your trust issues before it ruins anymore of your life. You just don't get to go around accusing loved ones of horrific sins and expect to not answer for that questioning.
    via u/One_Intention_8878
  • 15
    MajorasKitten If I were your wife I'd ask for an IQ test because I would me mortified to discover my husband was such a moron. You can't even explain WHY you wanted a DNA test, despite repeating in the comments "I just wanted to be sure", which MEANS: YOU DIDN'T TRUST YOUR WIFE. If you did, there would be NO NEED TO "MAKE SURE". You basically told your wife you didn't trust her, and what even more is your constant "I didn't mean it that way"- what DID you mean???
    via u/MajorasKitten
  • 16
    It sounds like you watch plenty of podcasts and videos of unmarried morons and let it rot your brain. Even now you STILL don't understand how you single-handedly proved to your wife you're a heartless moron (distrusting your 10year relationship AND neglecting your NEWBORN CHILD) You are a 31 year old adult that can't rub his two single braincells together to form a coherent sentence to even explain your "thought process" for this.
    via u/MajorasKitten
  • 17
    Please, go back to school. And let your wife leave you without fighting her- you can't fix this without a literal brain transplant right now. At the very least apologize for being so mind-numbingly stupid.
    via u/MajorasKitten
  • 18
    Capable-Emotion-5873. She didn't argue about the test because if she came remotely defensive, you would have accused her of hiding something. She had nothing to hide and she knew it. You waited until the kid was born so you could do F all while she did everything. You don't seem like a good person and now she knows that.
    via u/Capable-Emotion-5873
  • 19
    angel_inthe_fire Oh woof, OP, you took a swing and missed. I'd leave you for her. The disrespect here is insane.
    via u/angel_inthe_fire
  • 20

    On his profile, the Dad answered a few questions or comments, and got downvoted to oblivion

    11herb OP I honestly didn't mean to make he feel like this and I didn't even think about neglect. I was just struggling and trying to figure out how to get over it. When she was asking for help she had made it clear that she was going to leave and I don't want want that. I wish I would have just kept it to myself.
    via u/11herb
  • 21
    11herb OP No. It wasn't like that. I didn't tell her that 'give me the test or else.' I told her that I didn't know if I could help until I knew for sure. I honestly wasn't trying to be a to her.
    via u/11herb
  • 22
    11herb OP Yes, this. I have two friends who have been through this exact thing and it's partially why I asked. One of my friends are still on the hook for the child that isn't his. I didn't just wake up one day and look at YouTube then think my wife was a cheater or was out to get me. I just thought maybe they could help express my feelings.
    via u/11herb
  • 23
    11herb OP I wasn't trying to be disrespectful or harsh. I don't know how to explain it. -536 Share
    via u/11herb

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marriage married with children kids wife married life husband test DNA married
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