‘You mother isn’t welcome here anymore’: MIL Plans Family Vacation Without Her Son’s Wife; DIL Puts Her Foot Down, Resulting in Family Dispute

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    r/AITAH • 15 hr. ago md23bt AITAH for treating MIL like she treats me?
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    I (F40s) have been married to my husband (M 40s) for over 20 years. We have 3 kids and a pretty good life. My MIL has always been kind but makes little passive aggressive and aggressive aggressive comments here and there. Someone always makes an excuse for her behaviours and there has never been any
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    accountability. I am the one that tends to host events for the families, puts in the time and effort and is always there when needed. Recently during a visit my MIL asked my husband if he and the kids would like to go on a special FAMILY trip out of country and that his siblings would be going to and possibly
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    their children. My husband says that we might be interested and a vacay for our family of 5 could be just what we needed after some recent stressful events. His mom then says "no, just OUR family" looks at me and says "the other in-laws aren't joining". Right away I was upset, I said that my family would not be going on a FAMILY
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    vacation without me. Again she reiterates that it's just for HER family. I started crying (I couldn't help it). My husband changed the subject and I excused myself from the table. My husband is pretty passive but did bring it up to his mother a little while later telling her that what she said/did was very hurtful and rude. All she
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    responded with was "well we don't know if we are going anymore". Fast forward a couple months and I come to find out that they and siblings are going on the trip but decided to not bring it up to us again. At this point I wouldn't go if you paid me to but I'm still off by the whole thing. Now the AITAH
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    comes along... I have been keeping my distance and told my husband I want a break from them. That I don't want them in my space and I've cancelled all family gatherings that are normally held at my home. We have two graduations coming up and I will not be inviting them. Mother's Day is this week and I
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    will not be acknowledging it towards her (her son can but I will not go out of my way). My husband thinks I should let it go because "that's just the way she is" but I'm sick of it. That said, am I becoming the AH by cutting contact and putting my husband in the middle?
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    *EDIT- thank you all for the support and validation. I should add that my children are all 18+ and are also not in favour of their grandmother's behaviour and can maintain their relationships as they choose. The siblings spouses are not going on this trip by choice I believe but I guarantee if MIL told
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    them they couldn't go their spouses would have hit the roof. The whole subject has been crickets since the day in question. No one will bring it up around us. And we would have paid for our trip, it wasn't a gifted trip. My husband did tell his mom that he nor his children would go without me. He 100% could have dealt
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    with this and past situations better and more assertively, it's one of the only things we've ever argued about. MIL is normally very loving in other situations but likes to plant little digs that she acts coy about when called out. Almost like she thinks she's funny but she's the only one laughing. Maybe a little socially stunted. I
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    just feel like I'm expected to pretend she isn't hurtful to save peace. And quite honestly I'm done helping her create her highlight reel.
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    SteampunkHarley • 14h ago If your MIL doesn't consider you family, why should you host events for HER family? NTA
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    wirelesstrainer • 14h ago "that's just the way she is" "No problem, accepted. Also, this is the way I am." Not only the be "a way". get to
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    Littlehomieflower • 14h ago NTA, if she loves HER family so much, she should stick with them. Seems like she has been toxic to you for awhile. Your husband being passive and enabling his mom being toxic to you gives me the ick.
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    celticmusebooks • 13h ago My husband thinks I should let it go because "that's just the way she is" The reason she is "the way she is" is because your husband is a mamma's boy that has been allowing and enabling that behavior. He
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    needs to grow up, cut those apron strings and start being a man. Tell him he's free to keep in contact with his mommy, but that you and your children will not and that you will not under any circumstances host her in your home. PERIOD.
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    No-End3167 • 14h ago And you tell your jellyfish of a husband that this is just the way YOU are now. NTA
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    FAFO-13 14h ago NTA. But you don't just have a mother-in-law problem you have a spineless, weak husband problem.
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    Interesting Path... • 14h ago Not the AH. Your MIL sounds like a world class AH. I hope that the distance you seek causes her to self reflect, but as she's never had her bs checked before, you will probably still be painted as the villain. So her other children's SO's aren't
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    going on this trip? Doesn't seem likely. She's deliberately excluding you like a disobedient child. Plan a vacation with your family of 5 and maybe the other "excluded in-laws", call yourselves the "outlaws” and have a spectacular time. Looking forward to the update.

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